Choosing to Live

Alexandros, Sigrid, Asa, and Eva were all in Orion's chamber near the door. There were a couple of mages too, peering at Orion through the crystals on tripods. Eva ran up at gave Sirius a pat.

"I wondered where Sirius had gone! Where were you?"

"The king wanted to show me something." I looked over her shoulder. "How is he?"

The mages muttered about celestial interference. I wasn't sure if they meant the oncoming coronal mass ejection, or if I had let my aura flare. I made a point of checking it was suppressed. 

"From what I understand," Asa replied in Eva's stead, "Orion is on the verge of becoming a spirit, but it's like something is holding him back. We can't tell if the fact that he's close to transforming is saving his life, or preventing him from stabilizing."

Eva grabbed me in a stranglehold of a hug. "We thought maybe you were dead, since spirits just dissolve when they die. When you walked in I couldn't believe my eyes. Sorry for just kind of staring at you."

I shook my head and hugged her back as best I could while restraining Sirius, who seemed to think the mages needed his help inspecting Orion. "It's okay, I've been sort of stunned by everything myself." The mages seemed to finish whatever they were doing, and stood off in a corner, quietly conversing. I let Sirius go, and he went over to Orion's bedside, put his paws on the edge, whined a grumbly kind of whine, and looked back at us in an exasperated way. We laughed at that.

"Aw Sirius, we'd make him better if we could. We're certainly trying!" Eva's voice held a note of exhaustion I hadn't noticed before.

I stared at Orion, trying to convince myself that he was less pale than before. "I think the magic wave that's coming will make auroras. I wish he'd wake up so we could all watch them together."

Slowly, I walked over to join Sirius. Suddenly I felt just how long this day had been. Everyone else gathered around Orion's bed as I reached for his clammy hand. A whisper of mana ran through his fingers into mine. Celestial? Was he becoming a dragon spirit because he was nearly killed by one, or had my mana rubbed off on him? I thought back to him sitting in Captain Pritchard's office, telling us about his life. There had been such pain in his voice. If he didn't have that pain, would he have this chance at a second life? Or was this near-transition killing him, destroying the life he had now? I sank to my knees and laid my head on the bed, my hand still in his.

As my eyelids began to droop from exhaustion, I saw my friends retreat to a padded bench against the wall, giving me space to be with Orion.

                                                  ~~~~~~~<><><>*<><><>~~~~~~~

Wish.

Meissa's voice! My eyes flew open. For a moment, I thought I must be dreaming.

I was standing on an endless sea of auroras, rippling colors that burned beneath my feet. I saw Orion in the distance, Meissa looming over him.

"Orion!"

I ran to him with such speed that I had to skid to a stop, sending up flickers of aurora as I did so. I wanted to embrace him, but the look on his face stopped me. I looked between him and Meissa and frowned. "Are you being mean to him like you were to me?"

Meissa, at least one of their heads, laughed approvingly at that.

You have a good friend in her, Orion. Now, what do you choose?

I looked at Orion, puzzled. He seemed angry about something and wouldn't meet my gaze. I stepped sideways to stay in his view.

"What do they mean? Choose what?"

He turned way. "Choose whether to become a spirit or not."

I frowned. There was definitely context I was missing here, but something about the situation felt delicate, and I didn't want to bulldoze an explanation out of him.

"I will say it has felt like an improvement to me," I began slowly, "But I also think I left a lot of things behind. Dschubba, the man who commands those dragon spirits that came to Haven, said that everyone who became a spirit wanted to destroy their old life."

I saw something like guilt written all over Orion's profile. I continued.

"I didn't like my old life. It felt like a burden."

You were suffocating, little one. Dying a slow death by a thousand cuts.

I looked up at Meissa. Thankfully they were so big that I could see all three heads in one glance, and didn't have to pick one to address. "But you said-well, implied-that there was good in it!"

There was. That does not change the fact that you were dying. That's why I took what was left of you and brought you here, so you could be saved.

"YOU took me?! Kidnapper!"

Both Meissa and Orion laughed at that. I glared at Orion. He calmed himself and cleared his throat.

"It's selfish of me, but I'm glad you brought Wish here. Now that I have her, and everyone in Haven, I actually look forward to tomorrow, and at the same time, I don't want today to end. I used to feel trapped between unwanted days. Time felt like a prison. But now it feels like freedom."

I lowered my head and murmured, "I'm glad I'm here too. I thought this new world was a chance to be a new me. I'm not so sure about that anymore, but I'm still glad to be here. I don't know what I would have done if my old life had continued. I probably wouldn't have changed anything, and just kept going, in a decaying orbit."

Orion looked quizzically at me at that. I didn't feel like explaining the concept of things slowly falling out of orbit, so I just shook my head slightly and moved on.

"Orion, if you choose to become a spirit, I understand, but I don't want you to be looking over your shoulder at your past like I do. Everything I do now feels like an attempt to erase my past, rather than build my future. Tell me you'll let the past be what it was, the good and the bad."

He smiled and took my hand in his. "Alright. But only if you promise me you'll try to do the same. Let's learn from the past, not destroy it."

I smiled back.

So you do not choose to become a spirit?

"No," Orion replied. "I would like the power spirits have, but I don't want it for the right reasons, so I won't choose it."

There was a long pause.

Then would you choose it for a different reason?

Orion's look of confusion matched mine.

"I would," I said quietly, not sure I even understood the question.

"I would," echoed Orion.

I realized there was a feeling of pressure that had been slowly increasing since Meissa asked this question. Suddenly the auroras beneath us fractured like glass, and we were thrown down by an invisible force.