Slave to Righteousness (VI)

“Huh?”

All of a sudden, someone else appears in the cell with me.

It isn’t Ariesa or one of the knights or any other humans.

It is a woman in a black dress with jet black hair and horns on her head…

“Demon King? Is that you?”

“Nope. Still just Satanya.”

She replies in her usual cheeky voice, confirming that it’s really her.

“Oh. Well, why do you look like that now?”

“I can look however I want. I am just an image in your mind after all.”

I see. That does make sense. I just wasn’t expecting her to take an actual humanoid form. I already have trouble differentiating between her and the Demon King in my mind, and this doesn’t help with that at all.

“So… what do you want? Why’d you suddenly appear like that?”

I ask her reservedly, rather embarrassed that she witnessed my overflow of emotions.

“No. It’s not a matter of what I want. It’s a question of what you want, isn’t it?”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

“I can’t help but notice that you seem unhappy right now. Are you not satisfied with your current situation?”

“Tsk. I don’t… know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do. Even if you keep telling yourself you don’t. Just listen to them out there.”

She gestures to the window which has now become something like a gateway to another world. On the other side of the bars is a life I can only dream of.

“All of that could be yours. Power. Wealth. Fame. Love. It could all belong to you. But it won’t. It never will as long as you stay in here.”

“Sh-shut up! Who’s fault do you think that is!?”

I roar at her, unable to bear hearing her degrading words any longer.

“I’m only in here because I’m a Demon Lord. I’m going to die soon because I’m a Demon Lord. So, it’s all the Demon King’s fault that this is happening to me. It’s all your fault! If it wasn’t for you, I could be out there living the life I want. But I can’t because of you!”

“… Do you really think that? Are you sure you’re blaming the right person?”

“Of course! The Demon King did all this. The Demon King is to blame for everything. She’s the root of all evil. It’s all the Demon King’s fault! It’s all your fault! It’s your fault. It’s your fault. It’s your fault! It’s your… It’s… your…”

I fall to my knees as I finally realize.

“No… it’s all my fault.”

I did this all to myself.

The Demon King didn’t do anything bad to me. She gave me a second chance at life when I lost my first. She gave me the freedom to do whatever I wanted. She gave me all the tools to succeed.

But I went and threw it all away.

I got beaten up because I wouldn’t use the powers she gave me.

I’m in here because I got myself arrested.

I’m going to die because I told someone that I’m a Demon Lord.

All of it was me. I did everything to put myself in this situation. It would’ve been so easy to avoid it if I simply wanted too, but I still willingly chose to end up here.

The one who won’t allow me to be happy is myself.

And it’s not just in this world either…

“You’ve lived quite the boring life, haven’t you? It’s as if you were determined to drain all of the enjoyment out of it.”

“No… I was just trying to do the right thing…”

My whole life I’ve tried to always do the right thing.

That’s what my family and my teachers and society taught me to do.

I studied really hard because that’s what you’re supposed to do. There wasn’t any career I really wanted or any field I was interested in, but I poured everything into my studies because that was the right thing to do.

I took on a lot of part-time jobs because I wanted to lessen the burden on my family. There wasn’t anything I wanted to buy for myself, but I took shift after shift in order to pay for my own things because that was the right thing to do.

Outside of those two things, I didn’t do anything else.

I didn’t make friends. I didn’t play games. I didn’t join clubs. I didn’t fall in love.

I didn’t allow myself to waste any time on such things, because they were not right things to do.

I did everything that I was supposed to. I did everything that they told me to.

It’s not like I was a Saint or anything, but I did my best to not be selfish.

I followed all the rules. I never slacked off. I helped everyone I could. I never asked for anything for myself. I always prioritized others above myself.

And for that, I was told that I was a good person.

That was nice. But I guess, somewhere along the line, I thought there would be a greater reward.

I thought that maybe doing the right thing would make me happy.

That was not the case.

I died empty, alone, and unfulfilled. And in a few days, I’m going to die like that again.

I did the exact same things and wasted my second try at life.

Even though I was given a second chance, I couldn’t change.

“Then do you want to change things?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

I raise my head and look up at Satanya in despair.

“It’s too late to change now. I’m going to die.”

“Only if you want to.”

She reaches her hand to me as she looks down.

“What are you talking about? I don’t get it.”

Of course, I don’t want to die. But how does that change anything? Whether I want it or not, they’re going to kill me.

“Then ask yourself. What do you actually want the most?”

She points towards my chest as if asking my heart directly.

What I want the most?

The answer comes to me immediately.

“I want to do the right thing.”

“Are you sure?”

I think again. I rack my brain, and I search my heart for the answer.

And finally, it comes to me.

“… I want to live.”

It dawns on me as if it weren’t the most obvious thing in the world.

And then all the floodgates just shatter.

“I want to live. I want to live! I want to have a life. I want to feel alive. I want to change. I want to succeed. I want to have friends. I want to explore. I want to be rich. I want to laugh. I want to eat good food. I want to go on adventures. I want to play games. I want to be popular. I want girls to like me. I want to fall in love. I want to be happy. I want, I want, I want, I want!”

I ramble on and on about the overflow of forgotten desires filling up within me, only to come back to one singular point.

“I want to live.”

“I see. Are you sure?”

She poses the question to me again.

“Yes. I am.”

That’s what I want.

“Even more than doing the right thing?”

“That’s…”

To live or to do the right thing.

That is my choice. That is the dichotomy in front of me.

To do the right thing means to die. To die for the sake of the world. To care about other people. To prioritize them above myself. To become a martyr. To protect what’s precious. To act in accordance to what’s right instead of wrong.

That’s one choice.

To live is the other. It means doing the right thing. It means to do the opposite of all that. It means turning back on everything I’ve upholded and worked for my entire life.

To do the right thing or to live…

After everything that has happened, there is only one option that I can pick.

Satanya smiles, already knowing which one I’ll choose.

I want to…