Chapter Eleven

“Unsure,” I said, wishing I could add more to it. “I died. Know nothing.” Those words pierced through Nina, who moved her hand to her heart.

“You died?” she said with the same quiet voice. “I’m sorry to hear that. I read that zombies take the age of the person they were when they were bitten, and you look younger than I do.” I noticed the change in Nina’s posture. She sat, rigid, looking straight at me. “What happened to you?”

“Not okay, to ask,” I said looking back. Nina covered her mouth, realizing what she said. “It’s okay. You shared. I’ll do, the same.” Nina noticed the sadness in my eyes and put her hand on my back.

“You don’t have to. I really shouldn’t have pushed,” Nina said.

“I’ll share,” I responded. “Don’t hate me.” Nina seemed to disregard those words. “Born wealthy. Mom and Dad, lots of money. Born smart. More intelligent than others. Born athletic. Faster, stronger than others. Everyone else, hated me. Wanted the best. One girl, also wanted the best. Beyond hate. I was number one. Hated me. Took me to room. Attacked me. She was right. Didn’t deserve anything. She worked hard. She deserved it. Number one, given to me. She did right. Sledgehammer made sure. Metal rod, not discarded. Still there. Woke up here. Waited for punishment. Terrible person. Don’t deserve anything. Don’t deserve you.” I was looking down as I explained everything. It wasn’t until I noticed a drop next to Nina that I turned to her. There were rivers in her eyes, yet there were no sobs. She gripped onto couch, tearing a hole in the already weak fabric. Her other hand was a fist, trembling alongside the rest of her. When she met my eyes, she reached towards me and gave me a hug.

“Don’t ever think you don’t deserve it,” she said in between the now present sobs. “You did nothing wrong. You did nothing to deserve such a horrendous death. You did nothing to be born in this world. And don’t you ever think it.”

“False,” I said with a weakened voice. “Gloated about strengths. Felt joy winning. Made sure to be better.” Nina gripped me tighter.

“That doesn’t make you a bad person,” she said. “It makes you a person who realizes their potential. You didn’t rest on your laurels. You didn’t decide to stop reading or running when you knew you were better. You kept pushing because you knew you could do better. Maybe it was wrong to gloat to others. But you were still young. You still had time to learn.” Nina held my head in her hands and made sure we looked eye to eye. “You can’t control what’s given to you before you enter this world. But you can control what you do with those gifts after you enter it. Choosing to be the best is infinitely better than choosing to do nothing, letting your gifts do the hard work for you.”

My brain wanted to understand her words. It was eager to reach out and believe what it once believed. But every time I went to grab those words, Dawn would appear in front of me, alone and depressed. She wasn’t the vengeful girl who wanted me gone. She was someone who wanted to be rewarded for her hard work. She was someone who looked to me, not with anger, but with frustration and sadness. I didn’t have to be number one. I could have eased the pressure and let her win. But I chose to continue going because I felt that I needed to get to the top.

Nina could see the struggle within my eyes and hugged me yet again. “I don’t care if I have to give up my own life for this,” she said with a sharp voice. “But I will make you see what a good person you are. I will make you see how good it is to use your gifts to the fullest. I will make you see that you did nothing wrong. Someone like you shouldn’t hate themselves. And I will make sure you never, ever do.” In the cloud of darkness surrounding the Dawn in my head, a single beam of light shone through, reaching an extended arm. It had a voice, one I was too familiar with by now. I wasn’t ready to believe her words. But I was ready to try. I raised my arms and hugged her back.

“Thank you,” I said. “Words said, difficult.”

“You don’t have to believe the words I told you just yet,” she responded, a smile forming, washing away her tears. “You just have to believe in me.” Those words embraced my heart, sending a signal to my eyes. This time, I felt the tears running down my face. I held on to Nina. And I was never going to let go.