Chapter Seventeen

“Hey!” Nina said, holding my face up to hers. “Did you lose your ears because of how fast I was going?” She turned my head around, making sure each part was intact. She looked at me and her expression changed. “What’s wrong?

“Nothing,” I said, trying to look away. “Nothing.”

“It’s really difficult to hide your emotions when you can’t turn away,” she said with a short laugh. I heard shuffling next to me and noticed my body lying on a pile of rocks, trying to raise an arm while the other tried to contain her heavy breathing. “How is it able to breathe? Anyway, I figured you’d be happy that you, well, your body, won the race. I wasn’t expecting to lose!” I looked down without moving my head and paused.

“Bad,” I said in a quiet voice. “Saw Dawn.” Nina’s smile went away. “Deserved win. Given to me. Gloated. Ignored her anger. Didn’t stop.” Nina looked at me and stayed silent. My body sat up and tried to slam her foot down. My body can believe whatever it wants. That semifinal win wasn’t supposed to go to me. I looked up to Nina with a face she wasn’t familiar with. “You, let me win. Given, like everything else.”

“Listen,” Nina said. “I don’t know what happened back then. And I know I’m supposed take your words as truth. But we talked about this. You earned all those good things that happened to you.” I stared at the ground, looking past Nina when she held my head above hers. It took her a few seconds to hear the last words I spoke. “And there’s no way I’d–”

“Put me back,” I said in an almost whisper. Nina looked at me, not wanting to let go. “Please.” She hesitated, but she stood up and placed me back into my body. There was an unfamiliar warmth fading away from my head. I laid there, looking at the sky before standing up.

“Heading back,” I said as I began walking. “Can’t enjoy. Not for me.”

“Haru!” Nina screamed reaching for my left arm. This time, it didn’t come off, and instead it dragged her with me. I didn’t know where I was heading but I just wanted to be as far away from the path that Nina was following.

Nina let go of my arm and stood there. I couldn’t see her expression, but I felt the heat from her hand fading away. It was the same unfamiliar warmth I felt while my head was in her hands. I heard her steps as she began to walk behind me. Every few seconds, her pace would quicken before returning to the one that matched mine.

“You can’t just walk in any direction,” Nina said, with two emotions in her voice. “You don’t know what can happen to someone like you out here. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Can’t feel pain,” I said, not looking back. “Not a problem.”

“Don’t get smart with me!” she snarled as I kept moving forward. “This place will find some way to hurt you.”

“Deserved,” I said. Nina paused and stood her ground. I felt her gaze piercing through me, and heard her teeth grinding against each other, trying to find the brakes in my movement.

“You’re right,” she said in a voice laden with swords. “You said it yourself. This is your punishment. It will give you what you deserve.” I stopped. Hearing those words set a fire inside me. I was fine believing that. They made sense when I said them. But hearing it in Nina’s own words made it different. They attached to my insides and wouldn’t let go. They felt like the truth I thought I knew. My eyes were wide, and my teeth clenched. Both hands became fists as I turned back to her.

“Fighting,” I said with fast breaths. “Gives pain immediately!” I saw Nina’s face change from anger to readiness. Her eyes hinted something else was also present. She raised her fists, ready to meet anything I threw at her, a pose that was nothing short of natural. I didn’t care what she did to me. I wanted to make sure that she felt what I was going to do to her. But the moment we made eye contact, my heart sank. A heavy weight fell over my torso, putting out the blaze inside and sending me crashing into the ground. My tears were warm this time, gliding down my face onto the floor. I heard Nina’s reaction, but I couldn’t look at her anymore. I stayed there, feeling like an eternity had passed, until she stood in front of me. She closed her eyes as she crouched next to me, putting her hand on my head.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, voice shaking. She apologized a lot, but this time it felt different. “I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I said that to you. I was so angry at you storming off that I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to stop you any way I could, and I let the first words that came to me speak for me.” She paused. “You don’t know the things I’ve seen out here. You don’t know what I’ve had to do to get back to my place in one piece. I don’t want you to get hurt in that way.” She took my hand. “I don’t want to see you get hurt in any way. And that includes hurting yourself.” I raised my head and looked at her. I could feel the jabs in her heart and see the eyes that tried to relieve the pain.

“Can’t think,” I said in between sobs. “Don’t want to hurt you!”

“I know you don’t. You’d never choose to hurt me. You simply reacted to what I said. And I deserved it.” I hesitated for a few seconds, my sobs growing bigger

“No! Not deserved! I’m sorry! Don’t deserve you!” Nina guided my head to her chest as I cried loud enough to overpower the muffling effect of Nina’s body.

“I don’t care how many times I have to say it. Never, ever feel like you don’t deserve good.” We stayed in each other’s embrace as we ignored the time that sailed past us, knowing that we could stay like this forever.