Chapter Thirty-Two

We returned inside as the light from the ground started to fade away. Even though Nina and I had long finished the vegetables we prepared, I didn’t want to leave the fire. We didn’t say much while we were up there. All we did was stare at the fire, watching the progress we had made to get there, and enjoying the experience together.

I walked towards the couch and sat down as Nina cleaned up the small mess we made. She paused and looked at the seat next to me, before smiling and walking towards the door to her room. With her hand on the handle, she paused again and looked at me.

“Are you going to be okay?” she asked, the happiness in her voice fading away. “We never really talked about what happened to you.” She stopped and gasped putting her hand over her mouth. “I didn’t make you remember it just now, did I? I’m so sorry!” She started walking towards me, arms in front of her.

“It’s okay,” I responded, causing her to stop.

“But it’s not okay. Seeing something like that is not okay and I’m worried–”

“Dreams. Intense. But not real. Not forever. A day or two. Strong images. Afterwards, move forward.” Nina inched closer with her hand over her heart.

“But what about right now, when you go to sleep?”

“No sleep,” I said with a smile. “Don’t need, remember?” The words lifted away the worry in Nina’s eyes. She stopped and stared at me as I watched her expression soften.

“Then, if it’s fine with you, can I ask you more about your world?” I turned towards her, pointing at her eyes.

“Bags. Your eyes. Need sleep.”

“I told you it's fine. If I don’t get enough sleep now, then we’ll just stay in and do something else.” Her smile told me to stop. I nodded with hesitance as she walked back to the couch.

“Why now?”

“Why not?” My last-ditch effort disappeared as soon as it arrived. I sighed as I started to collect the memories in my mind.

“What to know?”

“Lots of things actually. You haven’t really shared a lot of different things with me. I know about the things that are hurting you now. But I also wanted to know about the things that made you happy. I want to know just how different your world is compared to mine.” I looked at Nina, and then back down. The truth was that I wanted to share so many things with her. I didn’t leave my world with the best experiences, but I still remembered a lot of things that I wanted to keep with me. But at the same time, a part of me wanted to keep things hidden. Even though she knew how I felt about my accomplishments, it felt as if she didn’t understand why the things I did were bad. It started to feel as if I didn’t understand why the things I did were bad. I lost myself in my thoughts, forgetting that Nina was still sitting next to me, waiting for me to start talking.

“What’s going on in there?” Nina said, smiling again. “You don’t have to overthink it. I just want to learn more about you. That’s all.” I looked at Nina and saw how the expression on her face helped organize my thoughts. I decided to just start talking and decide what I wanted to share when I got to it.

“My world. Different,” I said. Nina laughed at those words.

“That much I knew,” she responded.

“Sky. Not like this. No purple every day. Every day. Blue skies. Not like book. Lighter than that. Clouds, all kinds. Big, small, thin, thick, high, low, few, many. Certain clouds, make shapes. See flowers in sky. See other things too. Slow days. Lie down, look up. Time passes by.”

“You mean that people in your world would sometimes lie outside and did nothing except look up at clouds? That sounds…”

“Relaxing. No worries. Happy.”

“But wouldn’t it be uncomfortable, lying on dirt and rocks?”

“Ground, soft. Like soil. Grass, green, soft, itchy. Made sense. Not uncomfortable.”

“Hearing you explain it makes me want to give it a try.”

“This world, different. Painful. Lose interest. Cry.” Nina laughed as she leaned closer.

“Tell me about the people you knew. I read that there were so many of them back then. What was it like?”

“Too many people. Opposite. Being alone, difficult. Wanting quiet, difficult. Wanting something, difficult.”

“It’s so strange to hear that. I think I’d give up a lot of things just to see more people walking around.”

“Normal. People, want people. Instinct. Sometimes, too much.”

“How many of those people did you talk to?”

“Not a lot. Sometimes parents. Sometimes classmates. Sometimes servants. Not like you.”

“You’re so easy to talk to though, even as a zombie. Look at us right now!”

“Lucky, to talk to you. Caring. Listening. Parents, busy. Only talk, when successful. Classmates, talked before. Dawn changed. Stopped talking. Tried, no one listened. Servants. Helpful, but quiet. Against the rules. Listen and agree. No right or wrong.” Nina looked at me as she held my hand.

“You had the world given to you, but no one to share it with.”

“Can’t have everything.”

“But there was someone who thought you did.”

I stopped as I heard those words. I knew the conversation would shift towards Dawn, but I had the false hope that Nina wouldn’t bring it up. I wanted to keep quiet about it, but by this point, I knew Nina. Instead of running away from it, she’d hold me down and force me to face it head on. I didn’t wait for Nina to continue talking.

“Dawn. Good student. Better than good. Almost the best. So pretty. Jealous. Look into eyes, see someone special. Confident. Strong. Deserving.”

“Did the two of you ever talk?”

“Only once. Nervous. Those reasons. Wanted to talk. No chance.”

“Tell me.”

…My mind went back to the moment I saw Dawn walking home from high school. She had her long black hair, and a posture to complement it. Her face shined with the light of the setting sun, blinding the ones who were not worthy to see her. The crowd behind did everything to be close to her, staying just far enough so as not to disturb her. I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to get close to her, but on that day, we found ourselves waiting at a crosswalk.

“You’re really pretty,” I said to her, looking away.

“Thanks,” she said, rolling her eyes, not knowing who said those words. She turned her gaze to me, not realizing that I wasn’t someone she knew. Her eyes widened, but she regained her composure soon after. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that in that tone. I thought you were someone else.”

“It’s okay, it makes sense. It must be tiring to have to deal with all of those people.

“You find a way to deal with it.” She looked at me again, catching my glimpses at her.

“You’re pretty as well. I’d say you’re much prettier than I!”

“Thank you, I do try.”

“And so humble too, you must have a boyfriend already.” I laughed at her words.

“Mother and father wouldn’t let me have a boyfriend anyway. It’s their rules only.”

“Respectful, you don’t hear a lot of people talking like that.”

“Force of habit, my maid’s language rubs off on me.”

“Maid?” Her tone shifted but I didn’t notice it.

“Yeah, her name is Erin. She’s nice enough, but like you, she can be a little annoying with the attention.” I laughed, expecting Dawn to join me. She forced a smile before looking ahead.

“Are your grades any good?”

“My parents want nothing less than perfection, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t aiming to be top of the class.”

“Any sports?”

“I do track. It’s not my favorite but I enjoy doing it. I’m pretty fast you know. If you’re interested, you should join. You look like you’ve had a lot of practice, running away from those crowds.”

Dawn continued to look forward, only paying attention to certain words I said. She saw the lights change and started walking forward.

“I’ll see you tomorrow!” I yelled at her. She only responded with a half-hearted wave as I stood there, forgetting that I needed to cross too. The light changed back, forcing me to wait again as I watched Dawn walked further down, disappearing after a few minutes…