Chapter Thirty-Seven

The same scenery greeted us with every step we took. Though I had gotten used to it now, I was starting to feel restless about seeing the same thing. I looked at Nina, and she had her now usual smile. She’s only known this so it’s normal to her, but for someone who knows blue skies, white clouds, and the bright sun, I didn’t know when this would become normal to me. I looked back and noticed that I couldn’t see the broken walls of Nina’s house. It was something different, even though I knew that we were now farther away from safety. I turned to Nina, watching her as the steps she took matched the mood she was in.

“World, the same, everywhere?” I asked, looking around as if the sky and the clouds would transform into something else. Nina jolted and turned back to me in one swift motion.

“Sorry! I wasn’t expecting you to talk so loud,” she said, laughing and putting her hand on her heart. “You really scared me!”

“Nina, always ready. Not right now. Something wrong.” Nina sighed, as she stopped and shelved the excuse that was ready to go.

“It’s nothing serious. I’m just thinking about what would happen if we can’t find this beach. I know we said that it would be alright, and that we could try again later, but I don’t want to see you disappointed.” I furrowed my brow and looked back at her.

“Not weak. Won’t hurt me. Will be fine. Worse to see. Nina not happy.” She blushed as my words reached her and began fidgeting around where she stood.

“Well, I can handle not being happy all the time. I think it’s more important to make sure that you experience it as soon as possible. We’re doing this for you, aren’t we?” I felt a small jab in my heart. Those words in that order were going to be sharp, no matter how much sugar was sprinkled on it.

“Not for me. For us. Strange feeling. Pain.” Nina looked at me, her eyes trying to find what mine were telling her.

“Pain, where? I thought you said you didn’t feel pain.”

“Here,” I said, as I pointed to my heart.

“What did I say to hurt you?” I looked up once again and felt a small sense of relief as I looked into Nina’s eyes.

“For me. Doing for me. Don’t want, to hear.” I saw Nina’s eyes widen as she heard those words.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that. I just–”

“No problem. Unexpected. But no intention. Nina, would never.” Nina reached out to me, not wanting to believe what I told her.

“But I forgot about it. How could I have forgotten about it? I know how much you think about it, and how much it hurts you, and without even thinking, I go in and open that wound.” I walked towards Nina, extending my own arm to her. She looked down, unable to make an effort to reach back to me. “I just want you to be happy. I close my eyes, and see how much you’ve been through, and how it keeps managing to find you, even in a completely different world. Your face, your eyes, your heart. And every time I see you like that, I get the worst pain imaginable in my own heart.” Her tears started to flow down her face. “So, I want to do everything for you, to make sure are able to enjoy the things you weren’t able to, to make sure that you won’t be hurt anymore.” I closed my eyes as I put my hand on her shoulder.

“Good intentions, sometimes blinding,” I said to her. “Focused on good. Forget the bad. Forget the person.”

“No, I would never–”

“I know. Remember? Nina, would never.” I smiled, trying to pass it on to her. “Understand. Always difficult. Important, to understand.” Nina kept looking down, her fists clenched. “Sorry. Harsh. Nina, sad.” Nina looked up to me.

“Why are you saying sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who should be saying sorry. I can’t believe I said that. How did I forget? Why did I forget?”

“Said, many times. No problem. Happens. Big part, of being friends. Doing wrong. Knowing wrong. Saying sorry.” Nina’s eyes started to let go of the guilt. “Important. Accepting. Difficult. Necessary.”

“Then, are you still hurting, in there?” she said, pointing to my heart.

“Hurts, but not sharp. Not anymore. Heal, fast.” I pointed to Nina. “Someone, helped. Said right things. Knows a lot. Who was it?” I caught Nina’s smile forming, as she tried to look away.

“I wouldn’t know. All I see is a teasing zombie and a person who needs to work on what she says. Where could this other person who knows everything be?” I smiled as I joined her side again.

“Here,” I said, taking her hand. Nina’s smile was visible now. Her steps once again matched her mood, and I could hear them walking forward, knowing that the ground below us was solid to carry them.