Chapter Forty-Two

“There was a part of me that jumped when I caught the next person sometime after,” Agnes continued. “I waited a few seconds before running over there. I didn’t see who it was, but I knew who I wanted it to be. I remember taking small steps, trying to figure out what I was going to say. When I finally got there, I looked over into the hole but saw a face that I didn’t want to see. The man didn’t look scary, but his eyes made me afraid of him. He wore something on his face that went over his eyes. They were cracked and they looked useless, but I couldn’t see that man without them. I pointed to the book, and he smiled. But it wasn’t the smile I was used to seeing. ‘Sure, I get it. I’ll call you that, once you get me out of here,’ he said. I lowered the rope, feeling something deep inside me. It was screaming at me to stop, to just run away. But I just wanted to feel what that other man gave me. I wanted this person to do the same. And so, I pushed that down and lowered the rope to him.

It all happened so fast. I didn’t have time to think or do anything else. He reached the top, pulled out a crossbow, and pointed it at my head. I didn’t move. I held the book close to my chest and started to cry. He kept that smile on his face while he looked through everything I had. There wasn’t anything that he liked so he threw it all at me. He got closer, keeping the crossbow pointed at me. ‘Princess,’ he said. I was shaking. That was the word I wanted to hear, but when he said it, I felt a pain in my stomach. It was nothing like how the first person said it. It was bad, and it felt like it was being taken away from me. He started to walk around me, keeping the crossbow pointed at my head. ‘Princess.’ He kept saying it, and I kept hating it. The pain in my stomach grew worse and worse. I saw him go behind me and lower the crossbow, and I took my chance. I didn’t know what to do but deep down I knew that I had to do something. I grabbed it with both arms and started running. The man made an awful growl and started to chase me. The only thing I could think of was running into the hole he fell in. I jumped in right as he reached out to me. It hurt, a lot. I couldn’t move. I was crying, just trying to do anything to stay away from him. He saw me down there and threw something at me. It was like the water I would drink but it felt different. I got rid of it on my clothes and looked back up. I thought I was safe down there. I didn’t care if I couldn’t get out. I knew he wouldn’t be able to get me down her. But then, he saw the rope. And smiled again. ‘Princess.’ Without thinking, I raised the crossbow in my hand and fired at him. My eyes were closed so I don’t know if, if–”

Agnes stopped and looked down with tears in her eyes. We could see her shaking, the book disappearing into her chest. I saw her hesitating to look up, not wanting to disturb the person looking at her. When she looked up however, I saw her expression change. Nina’s sobs were quiet but visible. I knew what the tears on her face looked like, even though I couldn’t see them. My body was still, facing downward. Nina raised her arm forward.

“What do you want us to call you?” she asked. Agnes looked at us, not knowing what to say.

“I…don’t know,” she said, quiet and stammering, tears running down her face. “Which one is right? What am I supposed to be? I don’t know!”

“Agnes,” Nina said. “Princess. Which one feels right?” Agnes shook her head, trying to form words.

“You say it different. It’s not like the man who hurt me.” She stopped moving and looked back at Nina. “You say it like the man who helped me. But I don’t know if I want to hear it anymore! It’s not fair! I want to hear that word again!”

“Wait, to say it,” I said, staring at Agnes. She looked around, trying to find the source of the voice. Nina turned around to me, ready to stop me. My body untied my hair and placed me back on top of it. Agnes backed away, looking for the crossbow. “Takes time. Don’t force.” She stopped and looked at me. Her eyes were wide, but the tears kept falling.

“You,” she said, pointing at me. “How do you know–”

“Listening to you,” I responded. “Important. Wanted to help.” I waited for her to call me a thing again. Her eyes told her to say something else.

“You can understand what I say, and you chose to talk about me?”

“Learned. Important. In this world.” I looked at Nina and smiled before turning back to face Agnes. “Stranger. Dangerous. Hurt us. But not bad. So, help. Care for you.”

“You didn’t have to go through that. You’re not big like us. It wasn’t supposed to happen to you,” Nina said. “We might not be able to stop people like the one who hurt you, but we can still be the people that help. So that when someone does hurt you again, you won’t be by yourself facing them.” Agnes looked at us, the reason for her tears changing.

“But he never came back!” she screamed. “He didn’t help me when I needed him. He left me alone and told me to be someone else. So why are you telling me that I won’t be by myself?!” Nina made sure to keep her eyes looking straight at Agnes.

“Because we’re here.” Agnes’s quiet sobs paralyzed her as she heard those words. “You didn’t think that anyone else could talk to you like that first man did. But here you are, crossbow right next to you, ready to hit anyone that wants to hurt you, talking to me like you did to him.” I felt her heart skip another beat as more tears fell down. She took her time, but soon she stood up, and started walking to Nina. She left her crossbow behind and held the book in her arms. She was looking down, taking each stop at a slow and hesitant pace. Nina stood up and waited for Agnes to stand in front of her. I followed Nina, staying by her side. Agnes stopped at an arm’s length. She fought the urge to continue looking down, trembling as more tears fell down. Nina took a step forward and held her in her arms. Agnes let out her sobs, not caring about how loud she was. I looked at her and saw myself at her age, knowing I had something like that now. I saw Nina at her age, wanting the same thing Agnes wanted and knowing she had it now as well. But right now, the only thing we wanted Agnes to see was that there was always going to be someone who would care for her, no matter how many wanted to hurt her.

I felt my own heart skip a beat after repeating those words in my head. I looked at Nina, realizing who that person was for me. I felt so lucky to have someone like her. And I wanted her to feel lucky for having someone like me. After some time, Agnes took a step back and turned towards me. She didn’t know what to do, but I knew what she wanted to do.

“No problem. Zombie. Understand. Smell bad.” I saw the smile that Agnes tried to hide earlier. Though she looked away, she wasn’t afraid to show us. She turned to face us again.

“I don’t know what to do now,” she said. “I wanted to catch others here and take their things. I wanted people to give me things, even if I didn’t need them. I wanted people to see me as a…” She paused for a bit. “But I don’t know if I could do it anymore. It doesn’t seem right. None of it does.” I almost invited her to stay with us, before remembering that it wasn’t my place, my food, or my decision. Nina’s look reaffirmed my correct decision. But I could tell that she wanted to invite her too. There would be more than enough reasons to say yes or no to her, and it was going to be up to Nina to decide if she should let Agnes know more.

“I don’t want to leave you by yourself,” Nina said, reaching into one of her pockets. “But I need to think about everything you told me. The only thing I want you to know, is that I will come back here.” I saw Agnes’s face change to the one that saw the first man as he left. Nina stopped her from turning away. “Do you want to know how I’m going to prove it to you?” She walked over to Agnes and handed her some of the white capsules she carried, alongside the knife that was strapped on her belt. Agnes looked up, confused.

“What are they?”

“They’re a little difficult to explain but just know that if you take one after you wake up, you won’t have to worry about food again.” Agnes looked at them but held them away from herself.

“Different method,” I said to Nina. “Strange person. Strange items. Eat them. Said to child.” Nina’s face turned red as she tried to fix the words she told Agnes.

“I’m not doing anything strange! These are good things! Look, I’ll take one right now.” Agnes started to back away. Nina gave me a dejected look. I laughed as I turned to Agnes.

Understand,” I told her. “Difficult. But want to help. Useful to take. And reminder of us.” She looked at me and then back at the capsules. She took them from Nina’s hand and put them away in her dress.

“Trusting a zombie,” Agnes said. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Talking zombie,” I responded. “Different.” Agnes smiled again as Nina laughed next to me.

“And the knife?”

“Would you give that book of yours to anyone?” Agnes’s eyes widened as she heard those words. “The knife is very special to me. I don’t feel complete without it. It’s been with me through everything, just like that book has been with you. But I wanted you to see that I really meant what I told you. I’m not going to leave you alone. I just have to make sure I’m strong enough to make it true.” Agnes looked down, unable to say the words in her head.

“I think, I have a lot of things I to do too,” Agnes said. “I could start by filling up all of these holes again. It was hard work making them and it will be hard work getting rid of them, but it’s not something I want to do anymore.” She stopped as she looked back to the holes she made. “What’s going to happen if he comes back?” I tried see which man she was talking about, but her eyes were shielding that information from me.

“The only thing I can tell you, is that you won’t be alone when you face him. I, we, will be back to find you, and that means that you’ll have to get used to seeing this zombie all the time!” I felt my face turn red as Agnes smiled and walked back to the crossbow on the ground. “You’ll have to show me how to get better at shooting that once we see each other again. Believe it or not, I’m not as good as you. I couldn’t even hit her standing in front of me!” I nudged Nina after hearing those words as she laughed. Agnes smiled again, looking back at us.

“Maybe it was a good thing you couldn’t,” she said. “I don’t think she deserves to get hurt.” I felt something strange inside me when I heard those words. Nina sensed it as well and reached for my hand. We noticed the ground around us dim, and we began our walk back to Nina’s place.

“Thank you,” Agnes said in a quiet voice as we walked past. She tried to hide it, but she looked towards us when we didn’t look back. I turned to her one last time, hoping to see her one more time before we left. She stared at me, before reading my mind and sending me a big, warm smile to accompany us back home.