XXXIV

Some of the most bizarre thoughts would come into Elanor's head when she was chopping roots and vegetables. She was at it for hours, making sure to be in the kitchen on time to not upset the irritable woman, whom everyone called Maisie. She even missed her morning routine of writing tips for newcomers, but she feared dealing with those in front of Maisie anyway. 

There were a lot of people rushing around, but Maisie was a good manager and distributed the tasks in such a way that the kitchen worked like clockwork. There was never knowing if she was angry at you or not; she spoke with a heavy Scottish accent that Elanor liked a lot, but could not understand very well. 

Chopping an unbelievable, unending amount of potatoes that she had just spent so long peeling, Elanor was able to let go of the fear a bit. 

I wonder where faeries get their potatoes? The Summer Court? But who harvests it there, if all the inhabitants are no bigger than a frog? Just this batch would probably take up the whole season for those tiny things. 

Her hands were not the sturdiest because of hunger and hard work at the laundry yesterday, but she was distracting herself with the thoughts of Talvi.

If Lumi found him, did Talvi decide to just abandon me? This is hard to believe, but if he was too taken aback by my confession and upset at how I make him relive his experience with his lost love by reminding him of it so often, he might have grown tired of it. What if he is just as fleeting as they speak of faery folk in the stories? 

I could never make Talvi be with me, simply because of being a mortal. Why do I even hope for anything?

Confessing her worst fears to herself was making Elanor frantic and restless at work; she would use this masochistic trick when her limbs started to get too heavy and she needed a boost to keep going at these never-ending, difficult jobs. 

I need to think more about the wording of Aeden's instructions to me. There might be some loophole to seek there and I have all my life to figure it out. Unless Talvi comes for me...

Talvi... When he kissed me that night before the ball, I could feel his heart rushing just as fast as mine. What if he likes me at least a little? What if that's why he is so upset? I invoke feelings that make him feel guilty... That's so delusional of you, Elanor. But why would he keep flirting with me at every opportunity otherwise?

Having thoughts about the ball was the last resort that Elanor would go to, because those were her favourite ones and she cherished them so deeply, she was scared to think too much of them during the torture of labour, for what if they stick together and will cause memories of each other. The last thing she wanted was for her dance at the ball to be interrupted by such a traumatic experience. 

She once worked at the gas station during a stage in her life when her depression was not in the best state, and the coffee machine's smell tainted her memories so well that if she feels the scent of coffee now, sometimes it would bring out those gas station days too vibrantly.

There was nothing else left to mellow in her mind when the potato was cut, and she was transferred to peel garlic. 

How many people live in this castle? No, let's think of something else. There is nothing good that comes from this Court, and if I think too much of it, I'll start reflecting on the situation of humans here and lead myself into panic. How about reciting every single one of Talvi's best banter?

"Hey, dreamer, pick up the pace. I need this garlic done before the tomatoes cook." 

Elanor startled, but nodded without saying a word and tried to appear as though she was working faster.

Believe it or not, dreaming does not actually slow me down; it is the fact that my poor hands are gonna fall off my wrists if I keep working them into the state they are in right now. I assume they will harden with time, but it's only been a week, not even a full one. Not even a full week? It feels like months and years have passed since I stepped into this damned place.

The meals were cooked in ginormous quantities, and to peel all the required garlic took Elanor the rest of the afternoon. Faery servants would sometimes enter to pick up a special order for the Queen or the Princess. Maisie cooked those separately on her own. The Queen, it seems, was really into traditional human dishes, requesting lots of desserts in between. The desserts looked splendid, and Elanor, more than anything, tried not to think about her favourite food. She was concerned she might faint if she focused on it too much. 

Come on, time for the waltz. 

She was most often coming back to the memory of her dancing with Talvi. 

One, two, three, four
One, two, three, four

She had to keep those memories at bay because if she let them drift too far, then she risked starting to sway, cry, or even worse, hope. 

How fine he looked in his white outfit, and how good a dancer he is for a man as tall as himself. 

Lumi was taking up space in her mind nonstop, as the dog was her first real window back into the functioning world that she had missed so much. 

He truly pulled me from my melancholy back to life, and I am not even mad we ended up stumbling into the fae. I was slowly giving up back home; at least, this adventure woke me up and set me on a path to do something better with the time I have. 

That evening, she finished work much earlier than usual, as Maisie was truly a professional at her craft and a great leader of the kitchen, although a bit rough around the edges. Elanor said her goodbyes and, trying not to collapse from exhaustion, walked all the way to the dorms, thinking of her plans for tomorrow.

She said I work in the Queen's wing tomorrow. Which means I can sneak and make more butterflies for later, since the Queen wakes up quite late.