The Day I died

I am a forty-one-year-old man that has a death wish. The last 15 years have been exhausting, caring for both my parents until they passed. Never really caught my break in a profession nor am I married. Quite frankly, I’m not surprised. I thought that one day that I would be able to travel and go visit where my ancestors came from, Okinawa and Japan. 

 A fourth generation in this so called ‘paradise’ called Hawai’i is no longer a place I feel I belong. It’s not that Hawai’i is a bad place to live. It’s quite beautiful and the people are amazing with a great sense of community. For me, I think I just need to get away to appreciate how great this unique state is. But for tonight, I need to clear my head.

On my way out I grab my keys and glasses and do the pat down checklist. Wallet, Keys, and phone…check. Oh, I almost forgot my flask and cigarettes might want to go on a long drive to my usual place. I need to clear my head from the voices and noise.

 I get in the car and insert the key into the ignition. 

*click* 

Lights on the dashboard light up with a low chime signaling power is on for the car, then a slight tension and…the car’s engine turns over igniting the cylinders. The radio display shows connecting to sound device as it tries to sync with my cell phone, shortly after “connected” prompts on the display screen and begins to play.

The playlist is titled “I died as an NPC” as the first random track plays…"The Sound of Silence."  This one is a cover by the band Disturbed, a little more modern and yet the darker tone. I reverse out of the driveway and begin to drive, the destination a scenic look out on the east shores of Oahu overlooking Sandy’s Beach. Once I merge onto the main highway, I begin my long forty-minute drive passing common districts and scenic points.

The clock on the radio reads 7:37pm and I see Pearl Harbor coming up with the ships lit up in the harbor. I place a cigarette in my mouth and light it up inhaling and puffing as I roll down the window to let the smoke out. 

 Ah, the hit of menthol nicotine runs cool through my head and body, that instantly relaxes my nerves. This would’ve been great with some iced coffee. I continue driving and realize the song playing now is "A Thousand Years" by Jasmine Thompson.   This cover I amazing, what's more amazing is how music can change someone, even for a couple of minutes.

 Then I begin to think about where my life is currently. My parents are at rest now, and I’ve cleaned out the house I shared with mom these last few years. The house sits almost empty apart from a television stand, a gaming console, a couch, and two beds in the bedrooms.

Thoughts begin to creep in my mind, “You should moved to another country and leave everything behind. It’s time for a change, you never did live."

My own voice debates with the thoughts, “You never did live” huh? It’s a fact that I can’t seem to shake out of my head, but what does that even mean. I ‘lived’ right? I’m alive, aren’t I?

Another thought seeps in like a thick liquid invading my current thought, “If you ‘lived’ then why do you have a death wish? Why are you driving to the place where you would’ve taken your life years ago? You seek your own end.”

Is this true? I suddenly feel this weight on me become heavy and cold. I think back to the events that happened these last few weeks. I can’t think of anything happy…no happy memories or joy…just blank. 

 All I see are images of disappointment, frustration and sadness. Memories of a misunderstanding between me and my coworker Aoi. Me running through Ala Moana Beach Park seeing couples and families happily together, some having their small wedding ceremonies, some taking pictures of their proposals, and some taking pictures for their graduation later this coming year. 

 Also got an email for a job I applied for…I was denied and deemed “overqualified” for the position. How is someone “overqualified” for a job?? Then there’s the cleaning out of my locker at my part-time job and bills for services for the recent funeral. Kyon telling me about the concert I decided not to go and see, he said it was epic, and I will probably regret not going. The one that keeps coming back is Aoi. I never got to say anything when we had our disagreement, nor did I say I left the company. I just left. I figured she probably wanted nothing to do with me so there wasn’t any point.

Finally, I drive near the lookout I enjoyed so much in the past, smoking and drinking energy drinks just gazing at the stars. Some alone time to clear the mind. I’ll pass it and make my way down to the beach and circle back then park like I normally do. As I approach coming down mountain’s edge I can see someone walking from the beach into the parking lot. They appear to be stumbling around making their way to the main road.

As I approach the song "Error" by Niki is playing. I love this song; the lyrics grabbed me at a great time I fell into depression but became my anthem for the time. The part of the chorus grabs me when I hear it.

“Did I break it? Do you know that it’s broken? Even still the tears hurt, they hurt. Have I reached you? Even my final words are lined up in my singing voice. The overlapping colors blur. Am I broken? I’m broken right. Even still, I want, I want to breathe. You’ve seen me like I was a dream. Even my final word is blocked! ERROR.”

I slowly pull up to the side of the road and realize the person is a young woman. She looks hurt as she walks and struggles to stand. I slowly get out of the car and say, “Excuse me miss! Are you okay?! Are you hurt?” I make my way to her and catch her as she is about to collapse. Her clothes appear to be some kind of body suit, not for diving. The material is different, and she looks like she has something attached just under her eyes. I begin to place her into the passenger seat and kneel next to her.

“Are you okay miss?! Are you hurt?” I ask.

She looks at me and makes eye contact. Her eyes are deep purple, bright around the pupil and then it fades to dark brown. What was that I just saw I thought? She begins to smile in pain, wincing and dazed she gathers her strength to speak.

“It’s you! I found you after all this time I found you again. I finally found you!”

She begins to fade in relief as if she was waiting to see me.  Me? 

“…Finally found you…”, she said. I don’t recognize her at all. She looks like she came right out of a sci-fi movie. I slowly make sure she is in the passenger seat and close the door. I begin to make my way to the driver’s side of the car when,

“She found you, but I will not allow her to be with you again. You’re too dangerous for her.”

I look up at a young man standing in front of me wearing a similar suit and under his eyes he has the same attachments, but they are illuminated with the light flickering into his eyes. He grabs me with both hands and pulls me in close.

The young man looks at me in the eye, “What is your name?”

Not knowing who these people are I respond, “Who me?! For someone who says I’m dangerous, you don’t even know my name?! That’s funny. What if I said my name is ‘Jimmy Reese’?!”

He begins to tilt his head in confusion, as if I said a name he was not expecting. His grip loosens a little and immediately I place both my hands on his arms and bring in my elbows coming down forcing him to break his hold. The mysterious young man quickly recovers as we begin to struggle with each other.

We exchange blows when suddenly he is able to grab me again, “I promise you I will kill you! you stay away from my sister Crimzon! You stay away! You ‘ll only get her killed!  She always dies when you're with her!”

His conviction raises the hairs on the back of my neck. Why does this feel familiar, but I can’t remember, nor do I know who these people are. What he just said echoes over in my head freezing me, just then he lands a right hook and stares me in the eyes. His eyes are glowing a tint of yellow and suddenly brightens, I can feel the intensity in the air.

“As long as I’m alive Crimzon, I will kill every version of you before she can be with you again.”

I begin to smirk and laugh. The mysterious young man with glowing yellow eyes begins to look vexed. I can feel the blood running down my face and I glare at him, “At least tell me your name since you already know mine and already killed me several times over.”

He begins to smirk with confidence, “Fine. It’s not like you’ll remember and tell all your other versions. My name is Ken for short. My name is Onken and I will never let you near Mirai again!”

Then I felt an immediate cold wind blowing in from the beach as the incoming waves crashed along the shoreline. I can faintly hear the car stereo on to hear the last line of the song "Last of Me" by Steve Aoki, “You haven’t seen the last of me.”

Suddenly, this intense, crushing pain went through my chess and then pressure builds up in my lungs as I struggle to breathe. I can barely move, my limbs twitching as my arms hold onto Onken’s arm. Then a sudden release of pressure in my lungs, and a chilling feeling filled my body. I cough up blood and feel my chest to find a big hole. 

 He drops me and my eyes begin to grow heavy as I lay on the asphalt and see Onken walk to the car, I notice one of his arms is not normal. It’s not human but looks mechanical. Did he just rip out a part of my chest?! The car starts and begins to drive away. At the same time, I see my phone flashing on the asphalt…the caller ID flashing the name Aoi. As my hand reaches for my phone, I can’t breathe, I’m suffocating. My heart is pounding but no air is coming into my lungs and my eyes close.

It’s so cold, everything feels like it’s freezing below zero. Everything is dark, I can’t see anything. Then in the distance I see a tiny spec of light. It’s getting closer. Am I walking toward it? I can’t feel my legs. Am I breathing? All I can see it the light get closer till it consumes my vision like a blinding white flash. I begin to hear something faint, a voice maybe. It’s faint but I can hear a voice calling me.

“Crimzon! Crimzon! Wake up! You promised us today!”

My eyes are opening, and I can see two blurry figures standing above me. I can feel my body as if I’m lying down. My vision begins to focus on the two figures standing over me. Two girls, one looks to be a teenager and the other appears to be younger in years. I look at one of the girls standing over me as her arms are crossed giving me an angry glare.

“Crimzon! Wake up you promised me and Mirai we were going to the arena, and you would treat us to some food while we look for some new gear for the tourney next week!”

“Mirai!?” Wasn’t that the name of that young lady I saw on the side of the road?

Just then the younger girl looks at me and pouts.

“Irin, I don’t think he’s feeling good. Crimzon doesn’t look like he’s himself again. Maybe he is sick?  Maybe he has memory sickness again?”

“Don’t make excuses Mirai! He was fine a little while ago before his nap. Now get up already before we lose the whole day!”

Irin and Mirai…a tournament…next week…’Am I alive?’ But how? I sit up in bed and find myself staring at a mirror on the wall. My reflection?! I stare at the mirror and notice two flat attachments under my eyes like Onken. Then in a second, I look at my reflection the flat attachments flicker into my eyesight my name and age in transparent font at the bottom corner of my vision.

<Name: Crimzon Age:17 >

I’m seventeen!?! Is this a dream? In that instant I tried punching myself, biting my hands and fingers; only to feel pain. I didn’t wake up. I’m still here…IS THIS real!?! Did I actually get Isekai-ed into a different world?! I check the display in my eyesight…the name…”Crimzon”…spelt with a Z. I realized this is the same name as my gaming account for Freedom, an MMORPG (Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game). What is going on!?!