The Serbian loch ness monster's laser breath

My name is Theadora Eudes, Scotland yard. I'm fresh out of college, though ironically enough, I often find myself heading back to college on a daily basis, for work, sadly. Recently, reports of college girls going missing around Loch Ness have been plaguing the department, worse, some have turned up dead, mummified in some weird cement-like mucus. The tabloids are claiming they've been hurled up by Nessie, but there surely must be more to this.

Stepping out of the car, all eyes turn towards me as I walk through the campus. I'm infamous for my stylish attire of bright red latex leggings, coupled with an equally bright red shirt, Mizuse Niimi brand all-white sneakers, black checkered skirt, and leather jacket with a high collar. Lest I forget to mention those clothes are being worn by a natural beauty such as myself. Orange eyes, glowing fair skin, and long platinum blonde hair which my girlfriend always braids tightly so it never gets in my way.

But as I walked, my head began to pound. Images of some guy screaming "Dandy Dan, Dandy Dan, Dandy Dan over and over in my mind brought me to my knees. 

"Aye! Ye feelin' queasy on the loch!?" a voice bellowed. 

Fog rolled in as I turned to find myself on a wooden pier along with 4 other girls, some of whom I recognized. There behind us was the Loch Ness Monster. 

"Did you call out to me?" I groaned.

"Не! ИСПАЉУЈЕМ СВОЈ ЛАСЕР [No! IMMA FIRIN MAH LAZER]!"

Wot-

BLAAAAARRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHH!

...

My eyes shot open as I awoke on the ground with an old man in a kilt and sham staring down at me. Accompanying him was one of the girls I was with in what I'm assuming was a hallucination.

This was Nicki Kujira, my partner and roommate, unofficial girlfriend in a sense as well. 

"What happened?"

"You began shouting in Serbian and making laser firing sounds. I think you're possessed," Nicki smiled. 

"Bloody fuck."

"Don't worry, I just gotta slap this talisman on your head and you'll be cured."

Nicki originally hails from a family of priests on Okinawa, but she ended up going into law, eventually leading to her being transferred here. I have no idea if her talismans work, but if it can make my headache go away, all the better. 

Helping me up to my feet, Nicki did some incantation before slapping a piece of paper on my forehead. A piece of paper which fell to the ground once she took her hand off it. 

"Oh no, it needs to stick on it's own for an hour. Let me try again."

But she messed up her aim and slapped it over my mouth instead. And this time, it stuck. 

"MMPH NGH MMPH MMPH [GET IT OFF ME]!" 

"Uh, sorry, you'll be like that for an hour. But maybe it'll work. 

Gurgle!

Of all the time, my stomach had to growl. I can't bloody, eat with my mouth gagged, now can I! 

And worse, once the hour was over, I not only failed to get over my hallucinations, but I also had more McČačaks Serbian fast food, which clearly messed with my head. I can only see things getting more troublesome for me.