Nightmare or not

Day 1

I’ve been staring at this tree branch just outside my window for several minutes now.

Moren. The bloody stone. The smashed-in face. I just barely stop the rising vomit in my throat… The monsters! The purple fucking eye!… My jaw is trembling and I’m starting to think my heart will never calm. I grip the sheets with my shaking fist.

It was just a nightmare! But it felt so.. real! As real as it fucking gets!.. I-I can still feel.. Everything. The fear, the… Everything… And my memory hasn’t faded at all, I-... I remember every detail… No that.. That can’t.. It was just a really.. really vivid dream!. Like a once in a lifetime nightmare! That’s right… This isn’t my life! I am not stuck in a perpetual nightmare! I am not stuck in a fucking death game! I am not!

…

Right! All I have to do is ask Rena! A surge of energy takes over my body, puppeteering it out of bed. I stumble across my room on shaky legs until I plant my hands on the chair. I put on my half-black half-white shirt - The school uniform. I rush to throw on my backpack and yank on my pants. I don’t even bother closing the window as I sprint down the stairs.

“Tonton-”

“I’m late! I love you, Gramps!” I interrupt as I burst out the door.

He’s been waking up earlier every morning just to see me off ever since my parents passed. It feels wrong not to say goodbye but I can’t let him see me like this. He’ll know something’s wrong. Besides - I have to find out if all of this was real… Because I’m either going crazy or I’m royally fucked.

As I run I suddenly whip my head back and my heart sinks. Are you serious?! I start walking for a few seconds, breath ragged. This fucking crab.. thing! I remember running for my life so vividly that.. I.. I swear it was behind me just now.. I’m actually going crazy… My walk turns to running again, and my heart speeds up. No.. I force my eyes closed, furrowing my brows intensely. It’s not real. None of it was. And yet… I stop and slam my fist into a tree, planted in the sidewalk. FUCK!

My heartbeat is drumming into my head and my throat is dry. I’m scared. I can’t deny it. I’m afraid all this is real. I’m afraid I’ll die. I wanted a different life, adventure but.. Not this! This is punishment! For what?! What the hell have I done?! FUCK!

I walk until I can see the school - this big old castle. I go through the dark barred gates,show my ID, and jog through the yard, disappearing into the vast hallways of Coinmorr.

My steps echo as I go up the floors. My backpack sways left and right. My shoelace is untied and I step on it once. Then twice. I stumble but don’t fall. My head is pulsating. I'm dizzy.

By the time I get to the fourth floor I’m out of breath. I walk to the big dark oak door and… I stand. With my hand extended, hovering above the handle. I try to calm myself. My hands are trembling, my legs feel like noodles… Rena. I take a deep breath, fill my lungs to the brim and exhale slowly as I open the door.

“Tonton.. You’re late…” Mrs. Bellmor has put her hair up in a bun, her outfit is the same as always. A formal suit with a skirt that she has in many colors and today’s color was purple. Pur..ple… My eyes widen, my heart spikes and I swiftly shove my hands into my pockets. I’m trembling... The eye… I can see it. In front of me. This… Huge… Purple.. Glowing eye… I can feel my eyes start to water so I frown, clench my jaw and look down to stop them.

“It seems our conversation yesterday was for nothing..” She sighs.

“You think you’re cool with your hands in your pockets?” Some random guy seated at the desk closest to the door says.

“Sorry, Teach… Can I sit now?” I say.

“.. Go ahead.” She shakes her head and I walk down the aisle, my eyes glued on the floor until I remember. Rena!

My head jolts up and my eyes run to her desk. There she is! She’s looking at me! My heart threatens to burst out of my ribcage. Why is she looking at me like that?! Her eyes widen at the same time as mine. No..! No, no no!!! I just barely manage to pull my chair back in time before I crash to the ground. I look down. I’m afraid to see the expression on her face. But I have to. Fuck! Maybe I was just seeing things! Yes.. I’m sleep deprived! I have to be!

Everything is in slow motion again. My eyes carefully walk across the room until they get to her desk. She’s staring. Brows raised, face pale, eyes like she’s looking at a ghost. I know now I am not crazy. But in this moment. I wish I was.