Substitutions

It was pouring outside the shop, and the backup power had kicked on to stop the power fluctuations. Other than that though, things had gone well for Zephyr and Audra's lunch prep. After they'd finished the hard-boiled eggs, the rest of the things went quickly, and now there were two plates of sandwiches sitting on the dining room table.

The bread was a little on the stale side since he couldn't afford to keep buying them fresh, but the filling should've been good enough that it wouldn't matter much.

"Looks good," Audra remarked as she sat across from him. "Erm, thanks again for not getting angry at me. Most people like my old teachers would have yelled or something."

"Don't worry about it. It's just food." Zephyr sighed. "Besides, you were trying to make a nice thing for me, weren't ya? It'd be rude to get angry over that."

"I guess." Audra took a bite out of her sandwich. "Oh, this tastes way different than what I'm used to."

"It's probably the aioli. Why, don't like it?"

"No. It's not bad or anything. Just… different. I can't explain it."

"Garlic tends to have that effect on food. That's the whole reason why it's so popular. Just one simple thing can really change the entire feel of a dish."

Audra nodded, taking another bite. Her eyes closed as she savored the taste.

"I guess so. It's weird to think about though. What other kinds of food can you use that kind of stuff in?"

"Oh, tons. It's super versatile as a sauce and goes well with a lot of things, although I think mayo is more flexible."

"You serious?"

"Yeah. As good as aioli is, it can easily overpower other things that aren't meant to go with garlic. It works best as a topping. Mayo on the other hand is a bit better if you want to mix it into stuff. It can even act as a replacement for eggs in some recipes."

"Do you think it's the same way with people?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" Zephyr asked, finishing his own sandwich.

"Like, if a person is missing a certain quality, can you substitute with something else? Something that isn't quite the same, but close enough?"

He thought for a moment, wiping the crumbs off his mouth. Substitutions, huh…?

"I guess it depends on what that quality is. Sometimes you can replace one trait for another, but it's not always a perfect match. Erm, what are you trying to get at?"

Audra looked down at the floor, her eyes growing distant.

"What about being human?"

"Wait… what?"

"If someone is missing a part of themselves, can they still be considered human if they replace it with something that's almost the same, even if it's artificial?"

She stared into his eyes, as if searching for something.

"How many parts could I replace with a machine and still be considered a person?"

Zephyr blinked, surprised by her sudden change of tone.

"That's a deep topic. Almost like a Ship of Theseus kind of dilemma," he mumbled under his breath.

"The what?"

"Oh, uh, it's a thought experiment that asks: If we were to take an object and replace its parts until every single piece has been replaced, is the resulting product the same object or a completely new one?"

The gears in her head visibly spun as she mulled over his words.

"So, like, if I replaced every part of myself with something artificial, I'd be a completely different person?"

"There's no 'right' answer to that," Zephyr shook his head. "But where did this even come from anyway?"

She didn't answer at first. Her hands were clenched tightly together and trembling slightly. When she spoke, her voice was quiet, almost inaudible.

"You've been pretty cool and welcoming to me so far, Zeph. But I know you've been wondering about these."

She raised her cybernetic arm, gestured towards her leg, and even pointed toward the exposed silver metal at the base of her neck.

"I'm not gonna pretend to understand why you have those, Audra. But it's not my business to judge you for them. You're still your own person, no matter what you might be thinking."

"But am I even a person anymore? I mean, my leg and arm are pretty noticeable, but my entire spine is also mostly fake, and that's not even half of it."

She reached up and tapped a finger to her chest.

"One of my lungs was lab-grown, and tons of my organs have been partially or completely replaced with synthetic ones."

Zephyr's throat tightened. It was obvious that she had bionics, but he hadn't thought that things were that extensive.

"I even have some implants to prevent stuff like my bones from becoming brittle, or my muscles from cannibalizing themselves. If you were to take all that away, I'd probably die." She laughed humorlessly, running a hand through her hair.

"Sometimes, I wonder what would happen if I could just turn it off. Everything. All the little things that are keeping me alive right now. I'd go back to being normal, even if just for a moment. I'd die as the real me—human."

"Audra, what in the world are—"

His words caught in his throat as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I don't know what to think. I know I need these stupid things to survive; they've saved me countless times already. But… I feel like I shouldn't even exist."

Suppressed memories started to leak out from Zeph's mind: hospital beds, gene therapy, resigned eyes, a body too small to handle it all.

He reached across the table and grabbed her hand gently.

"Z-Zeph?"

"Listen to me. There's nothing wrong with needing things to function properly. Everyone does in some way."

Her eyes widened, but she didn't pull away.

"But everyone doesn't have half of their body replaced by machines. People look at me like I'm some freak, because I am."

"Audra. You're not a freak."

"B-but—"

"I'm not going to lie and say that people won't treat you differently, but that's on them, not on you."

He squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"If they can't see past what makes you different, then to hell with them!"

She sniffled. "Easy to say. Not so easy to believe."

Zeph thought back what his colleagues used to say, or all the test subjects they once logged.

"…I never said that it would be simple. But at some point, you're going to have to. Just know that regardless, you aren't any less of a person."

"S-sorry. I know that in theory. I'm… really trying to get better. I was even doing good until…"

She trailed off, biting her lip.

"You don't have to tell me if—"

"Save it. I get it. But… I need to stop running away from stuff. You deserve that much, I think."

She wiped her cheeks dry and took a slow breath to compose herself.

"Zeph. Have you figured out the VR pod?"

"Erm, it should be mostly fixed. Why though?"

"…Can I give it another try?"

Zephyr frowned at the request and gave her hand another squeeze.

"I want to know the reason why you want to use it first."

She paused for a moment, as if figuring out her words.

"…Are you able to see what I see on the pod? Like, would you be able to see what's happening from my point of view?"

"It's something the debug tablet would be able to do. You still haven't answered me though. Just why do you want to do this?"

She gazed off toward the workshop before continuing.

"I want to try and show you something. A scenario based on my memory. I uh, don't trust myself to talk about it properly."

He went speechless. Watch her memories with her?

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Please. I just… I need to do this."

Zephyr sighed and rubbed his forehead.

Something in her eyes told him he would regret not humoring her.

Innocent eyes flashed in his head as lightning struck, hugging tightly to a bunny plush.

"…" His resolved hardened with a nod.

"Whatever you need, Audra."

He wouldn't make that mistake again.