Chapter 9: A Most Spiritual Day Off

Yui Tanaka, paranormal relocation specialist turned idol group strategist, was a terrifying force of nature. She immediately integrated herself into our chaotic operation with the efficiency of a high-end CEO. Within a day, she had created color-coded spreadsheets, a social media content calendar, and was in negotiations with a phantom-friendly recording studio.

It was her idea for the idols to have a "day off".

"Team bonding is crucial for synergy," she explained during a marketing meeting, pointing at a slide in her PowerPoint presentation that just said 'SYNERGY!' with a picture of a sparkling explosion. "And they need to experience modern culture to be relatable to their target demographic. They need to understand the heart of their fans."

"So where are we taking them?" Joshua asked, completely captivated by the presentation.

"To the most spiritually and culturally significant place in the modern world," Yui declared. "The mall."

I choked on my tea. "The mall? You want to take a dozen semi-corporeal, ancient ghosts to a place filled with thousands of people, security cameras, and a food court? Are you actively trying to cause an international incident?"

"It's the perfect controlled environment for social observation!" Yui countered, unfazed. "And don't worry, I've come prepared." She held up a bag. "Matching hoodies."

The hoodies were bright yellow and had 'PHANTOM IDOLS - ON TOUR' printed on the back. On the front, there was a cartoon ghost giving a thumbs-up. It was the most conspicuous 'disguise' I had ever seen.

"This will not make them blend in," I said, my voice heavy with the weight of inevitable disaster. "This will make them look like a cult."

"A cool cult!" Joshua added.

There was no arguing. I was outvoted two to one. My role, as always, was 'designated chaperone and emergency magic-user'. I was basically a supernatural nanny with a specialization in existential crises.

The trip to the 'Westgate Galleria' was as catastrophic as I had predicted.

The moment we stepped through the automatic doors, the Phantoms were overwhelmed. Ren, the actor, stared at the towering escalators with wide, dramatic eyes. "What sorcery is this? A moving staircase to the heavens?" He then tried to ride it the wrong way, creating a minor human traffic jam.

Lily, the little girl, immediately got lost in the sensory overload of a toy store, her eyes wide at the mountains of plastic and plush. I had to create a quick 'Find My Ghost' locator talisman on the back of a receipt to track her down.

The real trouble started when they discovered their own unique interests.

Kaito, the pirate, found the arcade. He became obsessed with a claw machine, convinced it was a chest of treasure. "The glass prison holds a bounty of plush beasts!" he roared, attracting a small crowd. When he failed to win anything, his frustration got the better of him. I saw his hand flicker with transparency as he prepared to phase it into the machine. I had to tackle him-discreetly, of course-and drag him away, explaining that "plundering the claw-god" was frowned upon.

Emi, the serene ghost, discovered a store that sold nothing but scented candles and bath bombs. She went into a state of deep meditation in the middle of the aisle, claiming the scent of 'Lavender and Chamomile' was a pathway to a higher plane of existence. The store employees were too intimidated by her sheer peacefulness to ask her to move. I eventually lured her out with the promise of a free sample of 'Ocean Breeze' body lotion.

Dullahan, ever the silent observer, found his calling at a kiosk that sold sunglasses. He tried on every single pair, discovering that a cool pair of aviators did wonders for his 'mysterious, headless heartthrob' image. The problem was, without a head, he had to hold them in front of his neck, which just confused everyone.

My job was a frantic, non-stop dance of damage control. I slapped a 'Consumerism Contentment' talisman on Kaito to quell his larcenous urges. I used a 'Subtle Blending' charm on the whole group to hopefully make their occasional flickers of transparency less noticeable. I spent most of my energy just running back and forth, putting out metaphorical fires.

The climax of our mall adventure happened, as all great tragedies do, at the food court.

Joshua, in his infinite wisdom, decided the idols needed to try modern food. He bought a massive tray of everything: pizza, tacos, orange chicken, and a giant pretzel. The ghosts, who hadn't eaten in centuries, approached the food with cautious curiosity.

Ren picked up a slice of pizza. "A most peculiar flatbread. What strange, yellow curd is this?" he inquired, sniffing the cheese.

"That's cheese, Ren," I sighed. "Just eat it."

He took a bite. His eyes widened. "By the heavens! A symphony of flavors! This… this is art!"

Soon, all of them were eating, experiencing the greasy, glorious joy of fast food for the first time. It was almost heartwarming. Until the orange chicken incident.

Kaito, eating with the gusto of a man who'd been on a diet of sea-biscuits for 300 years, took a huge bite of General Tso's chicken. A piece of chili pepper, small but potent, went down the wrong way. He started coughing. A normal person would just cough. Kaito, being a super-charged ghost, coughed up a small, perfectly spherical ball of blue ectoplasm that splattered against the window of 'Sbarro'.

Time seemed to slow down. A family eating nearby stared at the glowing blue goo. Kaito froze, his face a mask of horror. Joshua's smile vanished. Yui was already typing a 'Contingency Plan' into her phone.

My brain went into overdrive. I needed a distraction. A big one.

Acting on pure instinct, I grabbed the giant pretzel off the tray, leaped onto our table, and struck a dramatic pose.

"BEHOLD!" I yelled, my voice ringing through the food court. Everyone turned to stare at me, the crazy girl standing on a table holding a pretzel like it was the key to the universe. "For my next trick… I will make this pretzel… DISAPPEAR!"

I then proceeded to eat the entire pretzel in three enormous, unladylike bites. It was dry. It was salty. It was the most disgusting thing I had ever eaten. But it worked. Everyone was so weirded out by my performance that they completely forgot about the paranormal slimeball on the window.

As I wiped the salt from my lips, I caught my reflection in the window. I looked like a lunatic. Yui was giving me a thumbs-up. Joshua looked both impressed and terrified. The Phantoms were staring at me with newfound respect.

I slid off the table. "Okay," I said, my voice hoarse. "Day off is over. We're going home. Now."

No one argued. As we filed out of the mall, a trail of bewildered shoppers in our wake, I made a solemn vow. No more field trips. The world was just not ready for the Phantom Idols. And I, their long-suffering Mage-Producer, was definitely not ready for the world.