Feel the heat

I stood at attention before a vixen in a white dress suit, a vixen I must sadly admit is regarded as the jewel of our station. Perfectly tanned silky smooth skin, beautiful face despite the freckles, big breasts, and short shoulder-length hair dyed strawberry blonde and red, which covered her perfectly fine left eye. And she's got that soft giggly voice that makes girls wet and men so hard they jizz themselves. Shay Gillette, our fucking chief.

I hate everything about this bitch. Why? She's closet horny for me! She'd sneak up and whisper in my ear, abuse her authority to make moves on me, she even bought and wears the same type of sneakers as me, claiming aloud it's our form of wedding rings. And because of my idiot partner's stupid strength and lack of brain cells, I'm at the mercy of my molester.

"Thea, I here you've got a wolly of a headache, but now we all do thanks to your ice pack crushing the head of one of our inmates," Shay smiled.

"How's that a problem?"

"The inmate was a college activist known for bringing awareness to the melting of the polar ice caps. Do you realize how bad the optics are for having her be crushed by an ice pack?"

"Why was she even in prison if she's so renowned?"

"For getting a tad too physical in her altercation with a politician, so we decided to have her cool her head in prison for a day, even said the words publicly in the presser for her arrest. And what happened to her?"

Now it all began to hit me. "We killed her with a 10-ton ice pack."

"Precisely. You can imagine the furor that will bring both to us and the politician that will be accused of "ordering a hit on her" despite doing no such thing."

"We sure? Maybe they did and we can pin most of the blame on them."

"Impossible. He went straight into parliament and was giving a speech from then and well past when Bringda Heat was killed by your ice pack."

"'Bringda Heat'? THAT was her name!? Bloody fuck, that's stupid."

"Her twin sister, Imin Heat, was also arrested and in the cell across from her. We're supposed to let her go in the next thirty minutes. What do you think will happen when we let her go, hmm?"

"I'm on sick leave, so not my problem. I'll say you ordered the murder too," I grumbled as I attempted to shirk out of the room.

"No, I have security footage. And did your headache make you forget YOU were the arresting officer of her and your partner her twin?"

"I'm going to eat more McČačaks."

"You'll need the calories for all the running you'll be doing. Speaking of which, I have one-way tickets to Tokyo. I hear there's a salon there that can shave you balder than bald-"

"And why would I go there?"

"If the talisman won't stick, we'll have to shave your head and ink the words on it manually."

"Bloody fuck-"

"-YES, that's an order!"

"I quit."

...

Making my way outside, I was met with a girl with horribly dye-damaged hair. "Where are the Heat sisters!" she spat in my face.

"Dead, now move," I snarled.

It was only a half-truth, but a half-truth was all I needed for this presumed activist to start a riot and take down the chief for me. I'd make use of my one-way ticket-

"They're both dead? THAT'S GREAT! Now I can martyr them and take over the country with an uprising! Genius! I'll slip some money in your Swiss," the girl grinned as she ran off.

Just as I, the great detective, thought. Hmm, wasn't I supposed to be working on a case? Whatever.

...

As the girl with the dye-damaged hair giddily ran to rally her peers, fog slowly rolled in. "Huh? Why's it foggy? Wait, why am I suddenly on a dock!?"

Creak! 

The girl slowly turned as a figure slowly stepped out of the fog. It appeared to be a large man in an adidas tracksuit, but instead of a human head, he bore the head of the Loch Ness Monster. He also had a red tam on his head.

Without a word, the monster man squatted low and pulled out a bagpipe which morphed into a melodica. The moment he began playing, the girl was enveloped in a cheap pgn explosion, knocking her out.

...

As I made my way to my apartment, I noticed a twitching girl on the ground with saliva oozing out of her mouth. She had dye-damaged hair... Oh, guess she overdosed or something.

"Ugh, the fast food," the girl groaned.

She smell my McČačaks'? Well, none for her, all for me. And with that, I stepped over her and continued on my way.