Amor

Den-en-chōfu, Tokyo, Japan - Midnight

Miku Takasawa

It’s strange how warmth can feel like guilt.

After that rainy night, the trembling kiss, everything changed. Ryu and I spent more time together. Not just the usual dates or training breaks. He’d walk me home. Waited for me after class. Text me good morning. Fun dates with me to new places. It was so normal… and that’s what terrified me.

No one’s ever made me feel like this before. Not the boys who competed for my attention, begged for a smile, called me “angel,” “princess,” “queen.” Those were just words. They worshipped the slutty version of me, not me.

But Ryu…
When he looked at me, I felt noticed. He actually believed I could be a good person. And because of that, I started to hate myself. I can't stop thinking about that rainy night and him. My heart pounded... faster now ever since. What is this? I never felt like this before....

Meanwhile, the messages from my 'boyfriends' kept piling up in my smartphone. Sweet ones, desperate ones. And there's Kenta.

Kenny (10:00 PM)

Where are you, Queen? 

Kenny (10:02 PM)

Did I do something wrong?

Kenny (10:14 PM)

You promised we’d go out again....
I'm still waiting for the idol payment. 

Kenny (10:30 PM)

You still remember our promise, don't you?

I stared at them all that night, my thumb hovering over the screen, and for once, I didn’t feel thrill, just disgust. Disgusted with the fact that I… ghosted all of them. It's been a week since I replied to them.

Should I put all my eggs in one basket?
.......... 

I blocked them all.

One by one.
Eight names disappeared from my chats, vanished as if they never existed.

I felt stripped. Like I’d just cut off the strings that held my balance all this time, the reason I'm still relevant as the most popular bitch was because of the vast number of body count I have. And yet… when I saw Ryu today, sweaty from training, something inside me balanced. I can't betray him anymore.

Maybe this is what love is supposed to feel like.
Not the thrill of conquest. Not the satisfaction of control.
Just… quiet. Terrifyingly honest and real relationship.

Still, somewhere deep in me, a voice whispered:
You don’t deserve this.
And I knew it was right. But for now… I chose to ignore it.

================================================================================

Hikarigaoka High School Gate, Tokyo, Japan - Afternoon

The sun was already dipping behind the school gates when I stepped out, bag slung over my shoulder, still thinking about Ryu’s latest dry text. It was so funny because he's such a gentleman in person, but he cannot be flirty in text form.

ダーリン ❤︎ (Ryu) (03:30 PM)

“Let’s grab some dinner tomorrow. I found a good place.” 

👑Queen Miku 👑 (03:31 PM)

"Tomorrow?" 

ダーリン ❤︎ (Ryu) (03:32 PM)

“Yes, tomorrow's Saturday.” 

👑Queen Miku 👑 (03:33 PM)

"LOL, what does it mean anyway? You chat like a bot, baka~"

ダーリン ❤︎ (Ryu) (03:34 PM)

“You'll know what I mean later.”

👑Queen Miku 👑 (03:35 PM)

"Alrighty love~ ❤︎" 

After giggling for a while, I heard the voice I least wanted to hear.

“Miku!”

I froze. That voice, low, angry, rough from too many cigarettes.  

I should’ve known Kenta wouldn’t stay quiet forever.

He stood at the end of the walkway just in front of the gate, hands jammed into his pockets, his tie loose, eyes dark with frustration. He looked more like the delinquent dropout he was than the charming host I once toyed with.

“You got some nerve ignoring me for a week,” he hissed, stepping closer. “You promised me, remember? One night. That was the deal if I helped you get that cheap idol into that mess!”

My heart skipped. Not from fear — from rage. The idiot was actually saying this here? In front of the school? While people watching?

I tried my best to keep my expression flat and cold. “W-Why the fuck are you here, Kenta? And did you forget that your ass failed? Why would I reward a flop like you?”

His jaw clenched. “What the--but I always do what you say, and I even break that girl Haru-!!”

Once I heard about what he was about to say, my voice was sharp enough to cut the air. 

“Shut. The fuck. Up! You knew what this was about! Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy playing as my dog for a while!”

That was when his control snapped. He grabbed my wrist, hard. His eyes were wild, his breath stinking of frustration. Some students were staring at us, whispering.

“You think you can just throw me away like garbage?!”

For a second, I thought he’d hit me... I saw it in the twitch of his fist, the anger twisting his face. But before his arm even swung, another hand clamped around his wrist.

“Let go of her.” 

It was Ryu, his voice terrifyingly cold and full of anger.

My eyes darted up. He stood there, still in his gym jacket, his expression illegible, but his grip on Kenta’s arm was iron.

"Y-You...fucking bastard!"

Kenta tried to yank away, to throw a punch. It didn’t land. Ryu caught his fist mid-swing, twisted his arm back with precision, and shoved him hard enough that he stumbled on the ground. Everyone froze: the street, the whispers of a few students nearby, all eyes locked on Kenta and Ryu.

Kenta glared at us, humiliated, his pride shattered. Then he spat to the side, muttered something ugly under his breath, and stormed off into the dusk.

Ryu didn’t say anything for a while. He just turned to me, his brow furrowed slightly. “Are you okay, Miku?”

I nodded. “Of course. Just… some idiot trying to start trouble.”

He looked like he wanted to ask more, but I forced a small laugh, brushing invisible dust off my sleeve. “The champion saved the day, huh?”

He smiled faintly— that gentle, honest smile that always made my chest ache. “You shouldn’t have to deal with guys like that alone.”

When he walked me to the parking lot, his hand brushed mine once. I wanted to hold it. But I didn’t. Because under my calm face, my mind was burning.

If he ever found out why Kenta confronted me…
If he ever learned what that “mission” was…
It would all crumble.

So I smiled, leaned against his shoulder, and whispered, “Thank you, Ryu.”
================================================================================

Den-en-chōfu, Tokyo, Japan - Midnight

I sat at the edge of the sofa in my papa’s study that night, the dim lamplight throwing long, golden shadows across the room. The faint scent of his cigar lingered in the air. Papa glanced up from the documents on his desk, brow furrowed.

“Heaven’s Kiss Billiard Bar? What's wrong with that asset, Miku? The reports say it’s been doing well this quarter.”

I crossed my legs, pretending to look calm even though my pulse raced. “I don’t care about sales, Papa. I don’t ever want to see that place open again.”

He leaned back, studying me through his glasses. “That’s a strong request. Why?”

I acted, just enough to make it seem real, my voice slightly trembling. “Because one of the bartenders there… tried to touch me.”

The sound of his pen dropping onto the desk made me flinch on cue. I could feel the air change instantly, his protective fury igniting like a match.

“What did you just say?”

I bit my lip, eyes glistening just enough to sell it. “He grabbed my wrist when I told him to stop serving me. His name was Kenta.”

Father stood abruptly, the leather chair creaking behind him. “That little maggot.” His tone was ice, his jaw clenched. “I’ll deal with this. Personally.”

I looked up slowly, eyes wide, playing the frightened daughter role I’d perfected long ago. “You’ll… really take care of it?”

“Of course, sweetheart. No one lays a hand on my daughter and walks away with their job.”

I smiled faintly, lowering my head so he couldn’t see the flicker of satisfaction curling on my lips.

“Thank you, Papa.”

Outside, rain tapped against the window, soft and steady.
Inside, I felt that silent rush of victory. 

Kenta Todoroki.
That’ll humble you for good.
Guess you will be having fun paying your expensive apartment rent this month~

================================================================================

Nakano, Tokyo, Japan - Afternoon

Saturday. I sat on the gym’s polished wooden bench, the scent of sweat and resin thick in the air. The sound of Ryu’s gloves hitting the heavy bag echoed rhythmically, Thud, thud, thud, like a heartbeat trying to remind me I still had one.

He didn’t know.

He didn’t know what kind of person I really was.
The lies, the things I’d done to girls who smiled too close to him, the stupid games I played because I couldn’t stand not being seen.

And yet here he was, just a few meters away, full of heart and discipline in boxing. I watched him move, the way his body tensed, released, moved again like a calm storm. Every hit landed with focus, with purpose.

How could someone like him ever love someone like me?

When he finished, he wiped his face with a towel, his breath steady, and flashed me that same comfortable smile that made my chest twist. “Sorry to keep you waiting, Miku.”

I smiled back automatically. “You look hot when you’re tired, y’know.”

He laughed, shaking his head, and then kissed my forehead, which made me flushed tomato red. “You’re unbelievable.” 

Dinner after training was perfect. The kind of night that almost makes you forget everything ugly inside you. Our table was tucked near the window. A quite typical romantic dinner, but it still holds its charm.

I let myself pretend this was real. That I was just another girl, lucky and loved, not someone who’d trampled others to feel that way.

Ryu put down his chopsticks and looked at me.
“So… that guy from yesterday,” he said quietly. “Who is he?”

Nervously, I tugged the best smile I could do, tilting my head with fake comfort. 

“Oh, Kenta? He’s just an angry ex. You know, the type who can’t move on.”

He studied me for a couple of seconds, and I forced a light laugh. 

“You don’t have to worry, love. He’s a nobody.”

Ryu nodded slowly, his expression softening. “If he ever bothers you again, tell me. I’ll handle him.”

I wanted to say something clever, but my throat felt tight.
He trusted me. Still trusted me. 

I leaned forward over the table to alleviate the mood, chin resting on my hand as I watched Ryu lift a piece of grilled meat toward his mouth. The steam curled in the air, the scent buttery and rich, and my stomach made a small, treacherous growl.

He caught it immediately — of course, he did.
“You could just ask for one, you know,” he said with that faint smile of his.

I grinned, tilting my head playfully. “Hmm, but it tastes better when stolen.”

Before he could react, I leaned across the table, chopsticks snapping like a thief in the night, snatching the meat piece right from his plate.

“Hey—!”

I popped it into my mouth before he could even finish protesting. “Mmm~” I hummed dramatically, pretending to savor every flavor while his expression twisted somewhere between annoyance and amusement.

“You’re a naughty one,” he said, shaking his head, though the corners of his mouth were already curving upward.

I swallowed the bite and winked at him. “You should’ve been faster, boxing boy~”

He sighed, that long-suffering sound I loved. “You’re lucky you’re cute, babe.”

I leaned back in my chair, arms crossed and chin up. “Very lucky,” I teased.

He leaned forward this time, lowering his voice just enough to make my heart skip. “Next time, I’m not letting you get away with it.”

“Oh?” I arched an eyebrow, feigning innocence. “Is that a challenge?”

“More like a promise.”

On the ride home, I rested my head against his back, feeling the hum of the motorcycle beneath us. The city lights blurred past, gold and cold. I hugged him tightly, this time not shedding any tears in my eyes. Our destination is as clear as water. And none of us hesitates.

After a while, the motorcycle slowed to a stop beneath bright neon lights. A love hotel, its windows glowing faintly against the cold night. Ryu stopped the engine, and the silence that followed was almost deafening. He turned to look at me. An unreadable gaze that made my heart ache. I removed my helmet, letting the wind sweep through my hair and cling to his big left arm, shyly. His hand gently petted my head as we walked inside.

The lobby was empty, painted in soft amber light. A small bell chimed as we entered. Ryu spoke to the receptionist in a low voice. I kept burying his left hand in my body. 

The elevator ride felt endless. Our reflections in the mirrored walls said everything our lips couldn’t, we are in a dilemma between love and lust. Do I really deserve this? Endlessly, I keep asking myself while holding his arm tightly in my cleavage. 

When the doors opened, the corridor stretched out, silent and dim. He led me down it, the keycard fluttering slightly in his grasp. The soft click of the door unlocking rang louder than it should have.

Inside, the room was scoured in pale moonlight. Curtains swayed gently by the open window. The world outside seemed to fade—the city, the noise, the past. Only the two of us remained, standing in that quiet space between longing and inevitability.

He turned toward me, shadows tracing the sharp lines of his face. And then, slowly, the distance closed. His eyes locked on mine. It felt like he was exposing every inch of my frame. My heart beats quickly, strangling every last breath of me.  

Why do I feel this way? I have slept with a lot of men from a lot of different backgrounds. But I never felt like this with them. It was only him. Ryu Isagi. The man I actually love. The only man who could make me feel the way I felt right now. Once he traced his hands on the fabric of my dress, I couldn't hold it anymore. My hands instinctively locked with him and then—

My lips brushed against Ryu’s lips in an instant, invaded him. I could feel him gasp out of shock.

I kept thinking I don’t deserve this. Not him. Not his kindness. Not the way his eyes soften when he looks at me as if I’m worth saving. Because I’m not. I’m the kind of girl who ruins things—who lies, manipulates, takes what she wants because it’s easier than admitting she’s afraid of being nothing.

And yet… here he is, holding me like I’m fragile. Like I’m real.

The guilt claws at me, whispering that one day he’ll see what I am. That the truth will come spilling out like blood, staining everything we built. And maybe I will regret everything.
But right now..........

I don’t care.

Maybe I don’t deserve love.
But who does, really?

Maybe everyone’s 'normal' just reaching, lying, pretending their way toward a moment that makes them feel like they deserve love. Why does it matter to them that someone as bitchy as me wants real love? Everyone deserves happiness, right? 

Even if I’m a bad person.
Even if everything I’ve done says I shouldn’t have this.

I just want to be loved......and he's here for me....

That night, under the moonlight.
Between the sheets.
I felt his warmth.
Ryu’s warmth.... it wasn’t just melting me.
It was exposing me naked to my core.
Everything about the relationship that I believed before, shattered.
Is this truly how love can change your perception?
I wasn’t pretending. He wasn't pretending. We both genuinely love each other.
And we prove it in this long night.
It's terrifyingly simple. Something I learned just now.
I guess...everyone deserves a good ending after all.
Even a villainess like me.
I have someone to love.
He's the only one who matters to me.
And I won't let him go.
Not when I have seen his slumbered face after all we did.
Tonight, we are finally one.
Sweet dreams now, my love.