Prologue - Foreplay II

My eyes flicker awake, and I feel…nothing?

Nothing… Why nothing?

I try hard to remember…how I even ended up here...but, I don’t even remember my name?

Who...am I? I don’t know.

I try looking around, I’m having trouble adjusting my eyes…but, I see black sands and strange, large, teal colored crystals scattered out all around. It’s dark, like night...am I outside? I try looking up at the sky and it appears to be night, though...something isn’t quite right. The sky above almost looks like it’s rippling and cascading like ocean waves.

I move on from my surroundings and look down at my arms, I’m wearing some kind of blackish cloak that I have no memory of...and when I look at my hands…

…!?

I feel a sense of dread and shock. However, the sensation of emotion feels weak. Despite my hands being translucent and looking almost like they’re made out of black lace… I’m calmer than I should be. Not just about my hands, but this whole situation.

For a moment, I just standstill. Not knowing what to do or even if I should do anything.

Should I move? …or, should I stay here? What difference would it make?

As I’m lost in my own thoughts, a small and soft voice finally breaks through the silence I wasn’t even aware of.

“You’re awake.”

I turn to face the voice and am met with a frightening, yet comforting figure. They’re dressed in a white cloak that appears to be almost glowing. Though, the figure hidden beneath it is extremely pale...almost like the color of a corpse.

“...ah...agh…” I try to speak, but just can’t.

“Hm? Do you not know how to speak? No, that’s not it. You must have simply forgotten how to… I’m not surprised, it’s been sometime.”

The figure approaches me. She stops just close enough to touch me and places her finger in front of face. Actually, she might even be touching my face with her finger, I just can’t feel it.

Once she lowers her arm, I feel a warm sensation.

“Alright. You should be able to speak now.”

I just stare at them though, completely at a loss of what to even say or ask. She sighs heavily before speaking again.

“Don’t tell me you’re a mute… Here, let’s start with your name. What is it?”

“I-I’m… I mean...my name...it’s…” I don’t know.

“You don’t even remember your name?...at least you can speak.”

She steps away and sits on one of the crystals I observed earlier.

“So, how’d it happen?”

I tilt my head. How’d what happen?

“Oh come on, don’t make me spell it out. How’d you die?”

...die…? Am I…?

“Murder? An accident?...oh! Is it embarrassing?! Hahaha! that’s it isn’t it?! Did you die during sex?” She asks in an excited and amused tone.

“Wha-!? N-No!”

“No? Aw… than how did you die?”

“I...I don’t remember…” Am I really dead?

“So than it could have been from sex!”

“Stop saying that!”

I can’t figure out anything like this. I need to ask her something, not the other way around…

“Where are we? Why are we the only ones here?”

“Huh…? We’re not the only one here…”

I look around, but I still see no one else. What does she mean?

“Oh man, you’re really out of it…still holding onto life I guess…” She pauses with her arms folded for a moment, before continuing... “Here, close your eyes and stop thinking about your situation for a moment.”

I don’t argue. I close my eyes and clear my mind.

“Now, open them.”

I open my eyes...and can’t believe what I see… hundreds-- no, thousands of figures in cloaks walking forward and past us, not even giving a glance… I turn to see where they’re headed and… I see a gigantic door sealed shut. Upon taking a closer look, I see the figures seem to just walk through it the doors despite being closed tight.

“They’re moving along… I’ve wondered for a while now why you’ve stay here, sleeping in the sand…”

“...forward where? Where are they going!?” I begin to lose composure and turn around to face the white figure again, yelling my question.

“To what’s next.”

“Huh? What do you mean?! What’s beyond that door?!”

“I don’t know. That’s only for the dead to know. What do…what you see?”

“Huh?”

“I’ve never been able to ask about what you dead see that I cannot. So, what’s on the other side of that door?”

“I don’t know… I can’t see the other side either…”

“Wha--? How!?”

She seems almost disturbed by my statement, but it’s the truth. I don’t know what to say next, and so I just advert my gaze…

“This whole time I’ve been the only one to see what you see…”

She falls silent, trying to make sense of something I can’t even begin to understand.

“Am I really dead?”

She shakes her head. Not in response to my question, but in frustration.

“Hey! Don’t ignore me--!”

“I don’t know! Okay!?” She barks at me.

“You don’t make any sense to me. You’re dead, that’s the only possible way you can be here. Yet, the door is closed? But, it should open to those…” She trails off and looks at me.

The pale figure in white approaches me, and almost as if analyzing me, stares intently.

“You’re...not all here…”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Of course, the body wouldn’t be here. You can’t bring that along…than what’s missing?”

“Hey…please, just tell me what’s going on.”

She freezes with her back turned to me.

“Tell me something, stranger. Do you really want to die?”

“…” I don’t understand what she’s asking me.

“Right now, you’re someplace where most are never given a choice. All they can do is move forward to what’s after…”

“But, I can’t. It’s sealed shut.”

“If… If you accept the situation… If you accept what’s happening and accept your departure, then it should open, and...you can go to what’s after…”

“What’s...what’s ‘after’?”

“I don’t know. I can never know.”

I take a moment to try and understand, if even a little bit, what she means. While considering everything, I notice how sad she looks…

“Who are you?”

“You wouldn’t understand even if I told you.”

“I could try…”

“It’s pointless.”

“Don’t you get lonely here?”

“…” She doesn’t respond.

I look out into the sea of figures. Are they all dead too? Some appear older than others… hunched over and walking slowly. Others move with a stride that only a younger adult could have. They all seem so ready to just...go...

I look down and notice a translucent and glowing toy at my feet. It’s a stuffed bunny. I pick it up and look at it. It’s been through a lot, clearly well loved. I look up and see…a smaller figure in the crowd. They appear to be looking on the ground for something, so I walk up to them and kneel down.

“Hey, looking for this?” I ask, handing them the bunny.

“Ah! Thank you!” Despite their features hidden beneath the hood, I can tell how happy they look being reunited with their friend.

“I’m ready! I can go now!” They give me a quick bow and run toward the door that everyone else has been.

Despite how painful this is, they’re all ready. No second thoughts.

“...”

...I don’t know who I am or how I died, but I understand this isn’t it. It can’t be. So…

“I made up my mind.”

“Huh…?”

“You’re wrong. I’m not dead yet.”

“I already told you there’s no other way for you to be here—”

“How do I get back.”

“Back…?”

“To where I came from. Before here.”

“...you can’t—”

“I’ve made up my mind. With or without you I’m going back.”

I begin to walk the opposite direction of everyone else. Just as I pass the mysterious women, she grabs my wrist and stops me.

“There’s maybe...a way…”

“...I’m listening”

“Ugh! But it won’t work! You don’t remember a single thing! You don’t even have a heart anymore!”

“How do I go back?”

“...you won’t be the same…”

“I don’t care.”

She raises her face, finally looking directly at me again.

“I...see… how interesting!” As she speaks, tears begin to fall from her face.

“Hey…”

“I’m fine. Here.”

She offers me her hand, and when I take it she guides me down beside, resting my head on her belly. She begins humming a tune that seems only barely familiar to me…

“Now what?”

“Just relax…” She says while cupping my hand in hers.

I begin to feel light headed, my eyes feel heavy too.

“One more thing before you go, dear child... Happy new birthday…”

I don’t know what’s happening, but I’ve had enough rest.

It’s time for me to wake up.