Chapter 10: “On Hiatus”

I woke up to a nudge on my shoulder. It was a nurse.

“Excuse me. Were you waiting for someone?” the nurse asks.

I'm still slowly waking up but as soon as I get back to my senses, I immediately stand up.

“I am. Her name is Akari Natsuki. I brought her in last night and-”

The nurse cuts me off.

“She’s stable,” she reassures. “She’s been through a lot and lost a lot of blood during surgery but she’s out of danger now. She’ll need rest and rehabilitation. She’s probably awake now.”

Those words should have been a relief. They should have been.

“Where is she now?” I impatiently ask.

The nurse pointed to the room and I instantly walked towards the doors. My legs moved on their own but my heart stayed nailed to the lobby floor. My hands… my hands were still stained red. Guilt clung like dried paint. So I stopped moving

“Are you in need of care too?” The nurse offers.

“I don’t have that right. This is my fault.” I replied.

She got hurt because of me. Because I let her near me. Because I dragged her into my mess. I couldn’t protect her

I am the pathetic one after all.

I decide to turn and proceed to leave the hospital since she'd probably curse me as soon as she sees a glimpse of my face. It felt colder than it should have at the early dawn outside the hospital. It was as if the world itself couldn't look me in the eye. The city lights became blurry and everything has lost its saturation. I carried the memory of her blood with me as I walked home, each step feeling heavier than the last. Every time I turned a corner, I saw her face again; pale skin, quivering lips, frail stance and slow struggling of movement. I don't deserve happiness anymore.

What was the point of pretending to be strong when the only person who believed in me got hurt because of it?. By the time I reached my door, I saw my siblings already eating breakfast. The second I stepped inside, the clanging of dropped cutlery and two pairs of hurried footsteps came running from the living room.

“Onii-chan!” Shiori’s voice cracked with panic. “Where were you? What happened? Why is there blood—are you hurt?!”

“Katsu, what were you doing? I've been calling you so many times” Saori added, grabbing at my sleeve, her eyes wide and terrified.

I froze at the sight of their worried faces. For a moment, I almost wanted to collapse right there and let them hold me whilst I unleash more tears. But words were stuck in my throat, hindered by guilt and there were no more tears left to cry so I tried to shake them off.

They both gripped my arms very tight, not allowing me to move another step. I couldn’t bear to look at them again. Not like this. Not when my whole appearance is stained.

“Please say something Onii-chan!” Shiori demands.

“Shii-chan. Enough. Go get your stuff and head to school. Now.” Saori-nee orders Shiori.

Shiori hesitates but eventually obeys Saori-nee and leaves for school. I start to head upstairs but Saori-nee grabs my hand “I want a proper explanation Katsu, please tell me what happened. I'm worried about you.’’

I try to ignore her and make her let go of my hand “Katsu, I'm here for you. Please rely on me, we are siblings’’ Saori-nee says.

I eventually gave up and started crying on the stairs while Saori-nee hugged me tightly. She kept hugging me until I stopped crying and then I told her everything that happened. She was so shocked to hear what happened to Akari-san but was relieved that she was ok.

“Katsu, it's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself’’ Saori-nee tries to assure me “I will call up the school for you. You need to rest today okay?’’

I start to remember all the times Saori-nee has always helped me and been there for me. I'm really lucky to have a sister like her. I went to wash up and seeing the blood on my hands reminded me of the incident. It just kept looping in my head.

Saori-nee helped me to the bed.

“Katsu, please… just try to sleep, okay?”

I didn’t respond. I just nodded weakly and turned off the light. I collapsed on my bed and buried my face in my pillow. The silence in the room felt heavy; it was too quiet. She was in a hospital bed because of me, and my heartbeat was louder than ever, reminding her that I was still alive and breathing. It was awful. Eventually, exhaustion won. My body shut down long before my mind did.

I gradually started to smell a scent of nostalgia but my gut felt uneasy about this nostalgia. My eyes opened and my body was flat on the floor. A tatami mat floor. And I could see a line of people in gi. I rise up to see a whole square of them surrounding me sitting in silence with their eyes fixed on me. The disturbing scent of sweat, the sound of the wind brushing against the dojo walls. It all felt too real. My old judo club? No, this was a memory. A replay. I was back in middle school, the match that changed everything... the one that made my heart break into pieces, the match that made me quit.

Back then, I wasn’t doing judo for pride, or medals, or strength.
I was doing it for her.

Airi Homura. My childhood friend. The girl who used to walk home with me every day, the one who’d patch up my scrapes when I fell, the one who laughed at my dumb jokes and called me “Tsu-ka” with that soft smile.
I liked her. Maybe I always did even before I knew what liking someone really meant. One afternoon, I overheard her talking to her friends after practice.

“I really like strong guys, like Ken Kitamura,” she said.
She laughed after saying it lighthearted, casual but those words buried themselves in my chest and refused to leave.

Strong guys, huh? Then I’ll become the strongest, Ai-chan. I’ll show you.

That became my entire reason for pushing forward. Every fall, every bruise, every late night in the dojo. All for that one goal. And then came the district tournament. My opponent was him Ken Kitamura, tall for our age, confident, popular, and every bit the “cool guy” Airi had been talking about. He was strong, no doubt about it. But I was stronger that day. I moved like a beast, driven by something desperate and pure. The match was fierce but when it ended, Ken was the one on the mat staring up at the ceiling in shock.

The crowd cheered. My coach patted my shoulder. And I… I smiled, because I thought this was it. I’d finally done it. I’d proven myself.

After the ceremony, I ran straight to her.
“Ai-chan! Did you see? I won! I’m stronger than Kitamura now!” I said, breathless, waiting for that smile, the one that used to make everything okay. But it didn’t come.
Instead, her expression twisted into something I didn’t expect. Anger. Disgust.

“Why did you do that?!” she shouted. “I liked him, Tsu-ka! You made him look bad in front of everyone!”
“I-I just wanted to—”
“You’re so selfish! I hate you!” she shouted and ran away

Her words cut deeper than any blade could. The world went silent, and the cheering around me turned quiet. I remember standing there, gripping my medal so hard that it bent in my hand. I dropped my medal and sought after Ken himself.

“You. You will meet me outside now” I ordered him.

“What is this about? You won bro. I don't understand why you look so angry.” He refuses.

“I wasn't asking for your approval. Let's go outside” I repeat.

“Whatever.” He follows me but not after signalling his friends to tail us.

We go outside onto a tough ground with some small rocks laying around. I take off the top of my gi, I throw away my belt and tighten the strings on the rest of my gi.

“Let's go again. No rules. No holds barred. Put your hands up and hope that I kill you fast enough that it won't hurt.” I look at him murderously.

“B-but you won. Please stop yourself. You've already proven your point of dominance, there is no need to kill over this” he cowers a bit.

I rush at him, forcing him to put his guard up but I hear multiple footsteps behind me. I stop to turn. His friends caught up to us and that is where I totally snapped.

Uncontrollable, unstable, limitless and merciless rage let loose. Broken arms, broken legs, broken ribs, bloody noses and the symphony of painful wailing. I wasn't done. I had Ken’s head gripped over a rock with the intention of piercing it over his throat but there she was again. Airi. I slammed his face but it got his chin instead. I was rushed at by many masters and instructors to stop me. But by that time I had stopped my assault, no fight against them at all. I started to cry but not out of pain from Ken and his friends but because I had just regained my senses and realised my actions.

That was the day I stopped showing up to practice. The day I stopped fighting.
The day I learned that being strong doesn’t always mean you’ll be enough.

I woke up “…Just a dream,” I muttered under my breath. “No… more like a reminder.”

I stared down at my hand. It was trembling, still a bit red from gripping them whilst I was in my dream. Both moments hurt the same way. A soft knock came from the door.

“Katsu… you awake?” Saori-nee’s voice was gentle, almost hesitant.

“…Yeah,” I replied.

“Dinner is ready. Take your time, okay?”

Her words lingered filled with quiet worry. I nodded even though she couldn’t see me.

“Thanks, Saori-nee. I’ll be down soon.”

I closed my eyes, took a slow breath, and stood up. My legs still felt heavy but I had to move forward, even if the past kept dragging me back.

I went downstairs and i saw Saori-nee and Shiori

“Good evening onii-chan, are you okay now?’’ Shiori asks

“Yeah, I'm ok now. Thanks for asking Shiori’’ I smile.

“You look better now Katsu you slept for a long time you must of been really exhausted’’ Saori-nee says

I saw a sign of relief from her face which showed me how worried she was.

“Saori-nee… thank you im really lucky to have you’’

She starts to tear up “thats what big sisters are for im just glad your back to normal’’

We both smile

“What about me?’’ Shiori says out of nowhere

‘’Of course you too. I'm lucky to have you both’’ I reply.

We all have our dinner and we talk about what Shiori did at school and then head to sleep again.

I woke up a little less rough this time but the walk to school felt longer than usual. The sun was out, but it didn’t feel warm. The air was quite too quiet. Even the usual noise of students chattering on the way to campus felt distant, like the world had decided to move on without me.

When I reached the school gates, a strange tension hung in the air. Groups of students were clustered together, whispering in low voices. I didn’t think much of it — until I heard her name.

“Did you hear? Natsuki-san—”

“Yeah, the Princess got hurt, right?”

“They said she got attacked yesterday!”

My heart stopped. Their words came in fragments, muffled and sharp at the same time. My footsteps froze just before the shoe lockers. The whispering got louder as I passed. It felt like every glance was a knife, every murmur a blade twisting in my gut. I kept my head low and walked faster, pretending not to hear. Pretending not to exist. I could already feel the guilt crawling up my throat again.

Then a familiar voice called out from behind me.
“Katsu! Wait up!”

I turned around and saw Minori jogging toward me, his bag bouncing off his shoulder, his usual grin a little more serious than normal.

“Yo bro you were absent yesterday is everything okay?, and is the rumour about Natsuki-senpai true’’ he asks

I glanced around. Too many ears. Too many eyes pretending not to listen. The last thing I needed was more attention.

“Not here,” I said quietly. “Let’s talk somewhere else.”

Minori blinked, confused for a moment but nodded. “Alright.”

We walked past the school courtyard and slipped into the small park just behind the gym, the one where we used to hang out after exams.

Minori crossed his arms. “I am to suspect that you did all you could to protect her?”

I stared at the ground for a moment before answering.
“...It’s true,” I said quietly. “Everything they’re saying about her getting attacked’’

Minori’s expression darkened. “So what happened exactly?”

I hesitated and told him all the details.

He stepped closer and offered a hug. “You were just walking her home, you didn't expect anything like that to happen to her and it's not like you prepared for anything like that so don't blame yourself, please.”

I exhaled sharply. “That’s what I thought too. But what vexes me is that they were all after me. Not her”

“After you?” His eyes widened.

“Yeah. Some guys under Kurosawa from another school. I don’t know what they actually wanted from me but they knew my name. What matters is that she wasn't supposed to take that blade for me.

The silence that followed was heavy enough to crush me.

Minori’s mouth opened, but no sound came out at first. “You’re saying… she got stabbed because she tried to protect you?”

“Yeah.” I forced the word out. “She saved me.”

Holy crap…” he muttered, dragging a hand through his hair. “How is she doing now?” He asked.

“Last I heard, she was already stable but only needed rest and rehabilitation from the shock.” I explained.

“So are you going to see her af-” I cut him off.

“No” I clearly state

“Why not?” he asked

I looked up at him. “Because I no longer have the right to see her anymore. I don't matter to her anymore because I let all of that happen to her”

“Don’t start that crap,” Minori said, shaking his head. “You didn’t stab her. You didn’t plan any of that.”

“I'm still the reason she bled!” My voice cracked. “She wasn't meant to do that, not for me.”

Minori stepped closer and grabbed my shoulder. “And yet she chose to protect you anyway. You think she’d throw herself in front of a knife for someone she didn’t care about?”

I froze. “What?”

He sighed. “Look, man. I’ve known you for almost a year. You beat yourself up over everything too much. Because she took that blade, it means you matter to her. Don’t twist that into guilt.”

I looked away, my chest tightening. “You make it sound simple.”

“It’s not,” he said, his tone softening. “But blaming yourself isn’t going to make it better. She’s alive because you were there too, remember that.”

Minori’s words echoed in my head long after he left.

“She chose to protect you… You think she’d do that for someone she didn’t care about?”

It sounded comforting when he said it, but the more I replayed those words, the more they twisted inside me. Because if she really did care… then I hurt her even more. The next few days blurred together. Classes went on as usual, teachers droning, students gossiping, laughter bouncing off the walls. But for me, it all felt muted like I was stuck watching life through fogged glass. Every time someone mentioned her name, my chest tightened.
Rumors still floated around fragments of half-truths and exaggerations but I stayed silent.
There wasn’t a single word I could say that wouldn’t make things worse.

Then, on the third day, it happened. The usual morning chatter suddenly spiked into chaos.
Gasps, excited voices, footsteps rushing toward the hall.

“The Princess is back!” someone shouted.
“Seriously?! Natsuki-senpai came to school?!”
“She really was attacked after all”

My pen froze mid-stroke. For a moment, I just sat there, my hand trembling slightly.

She’s back.

My heart started pounding before my brain even caught up. I stood up, almost instinctively, and walked toward the noise outside the classroom.

When I reached the hallway, I saw her surrounded by a crowd of students like always.
Akari Natsuki. A bump is seen on her blazer, it's the bandage over her wound, her arm was loose but it looked to be painful if she lifted it up. Her smile was calm, graceful even, as she reassured everyone that she was fine.

“Really, everyone, it’s nothing serious,” she said softly, waving her good hand. Laughter followed, and the crowd eased a little typical Akari. Even hurt, she still put others at ease.

She looked… radiant. Untouchable. Like the incident had never even happened.
But my chest tightened the longer I watched.
That smile, that perfect, gentle smile I knew wasn't real.
I’d seen the fear in her eyes that night. I heard her voice when she to stop. And now, seeing her act like everything was fine, while I stood there like a ghost… it hurt in ways I didn’t know how to describe. For a moment, her eyes lifted above the crowd scanning, searching. I stepped back before they could meet mine.

No. Not this time.

She still didn’t need to see me. She was still strong enough to smile in front of everyone. Meanwhile, I couldn’t even look her in the eye without feeling like I was bleeding all over again.

I turned around and walked the other way. The sound of her voice faded behind me, and I told myself it was for the best. If staying away meant she could live peacefully then I’d rather be invisible.

At lunch, the classroom buzzed louder than usual.
Everyone was still talking about Akari-senpai’s return like it was the season finale of some school drama.
Desks were pushed together, rumors traded like Pokémon cards, and I was just sitting there, pretending to study while my stomach did backflips.

“Did you see her?” Minori said, leaning on my desk with his juice box.

I nod.“…Yeah”

He raised an eyebrow. “And you didn’t talk to her?”

I shot him a look. “I’m not walking into that crowd again. That’s how the background characters die. If she tells them what happened, I'm going to be mobbed”.

He snorted. “You’re not a background character, dude.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” I said, poking at my lunch. “Right now, I’m fine being the ‘emotionally damaged side character’ who avoids the main heroine and it leads to nothing even until episode twelve.”

Minori laughed. “You say that now, but I bet the moment she walks in, you’ll go full shonen protagonist, dramatic stare, flashy effects, everything.”

“Not happening,” I said flatly. “This isn’t a rom-com slice of life. It’s a tragedy and slice of life with extra homework.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “You’re hopeless, man.”

The bell rang for lunch, and as soon as the teacher left, chaos resumed. I decided to take Minori’s advice from earlier and “find peace” which basically meant escaping to the rooftop like every emotionally repressed anime protagonist ever. I grabbed my bag and slipped out before the others noticed. The air up there was cooler, quieter. The breeze carried that faint smell of chalk dust and sakura trees. For a moment, I could breathe again.

But somewhere in my chest, I knew she’d probably come looking for me. She always did things that were gentle but persistent. And sure enough, back in the classroom, that’s exactly what happened. According to Minori later, the door slid open mid-lunch and the entire class froze. It was her Natsuki-senpai , standing in the doorway with her bag slung over one shoulder, her long hair catching the sunlight like something straight out of an anime opening.

“Um… is Nagano-kun here?” she asked politely. But her eyes scanned the room, and when she realized my seat was empty, that smile of hers faltered just a little.

Minori told me later that she stood there for a few seconds longer, then quietly said, “I see… thank you,” before leaving.

Meanwhile, I sat on the rooftop, staring at the sky, completely unaware. Maybe part of me sensed she was looking for me. Maybe that’s why my chest hurt so much. But I told myself it was better this way. If she stayed near me again, she’d only get hurt. And I couldn’t let that happen. Not again.

The breeze felt good up here. For once, it wasn’t carrying whispers or rumors, just the sound of rustling leaves and the faint hum of the city below. I unwrapped my lunch, took a bite, and leaned back against the fence.

“Finally,” I muttered to myself. “Peace and carbs… just like a proper side character deserves.”

The quiet was almost healing — until a familiar voice broke it.

“There you are, Katsu!”

My whole body froze.

That voice.

I turned slowly, and there she was Akari Natsuki, standing at the rooftop door, slightly out of breath, her hair swaying in the wind like some kind of cinematic reveal. She smiled that same soft, radiant smile that always made people around her forget how to breathe.

“Finally found you,” she said, taking a step closer. “You’re hard to track down, you know. I’ve been worried sick. I thought you were at another hospital.”

And just like that, the peace I’d built shattered like glass.

I tried to play it cool, but my brain had already entered panic mode.
Somewhere deep inside, a tiny voice screamed: This is it. The fated rooftop scene. Don’t say something stupid.

Unfortunately, my mouth didn’t get the memo.

“I, uh— sorry, Senpai,” I said quickly, standing up and brushing imaginary dust off my pants. And packed up my lunch “I’ve gotta go.”

Her expression flickered. “Wait— Katsu, please—”

Her eyes widened slightly, the wind tugging at her sleeve. “I just wanted to talk—”

And before she could say another word, I walked past her, my footsteps echoing against the concrete. Behind me, I heard her call my name again “Katsu! Wait!” — but I didn’t stop.
Each step felt heavier, like I was dragging chains behind me. Because I knew if I turned around if I looked into those eyes again I’d break. And I couldn’t afford that. Not when she’d already risked everything once.

So I kept running. Down the stairs. Past the windows where sunlight flickered through. Until her voice faded completely, swallowed by the noise of the school. For a moment, I stopped and leaned against the wall, my hand gripping my chest.

“I’m sorry, Senpai…” I whispered. “But staying away is the only thing I can do right.”

The days that followed felt like walking through fog.
I avoided her. Completely.

Different hallways.
Different staircases.
Different everything.

If I saw even a glimpse of her hair down the corridor, I’d turn and walk the other way like some kind of stealth game NPC.
Minori kept calling me a coward, and maybe he was right. But every time I thought of facing her… all I could see was blood. Her blood.

So I stayed away.

Lunch on the other side of the rooftop.

Quiet routes home.
No visits, no greetings, no communication at all.

And yet, somehow, she kept finding ways to get close. A passing glance in the courtyard. A brief moment when our eyes met from across the classroom windows. It was like she knew where I’d be before I even did. But I still couldn’t bring myself to face her. Because if she looked at me the same way she did that night scared, hurt I didn’t think I could handle it. Then, one afternoon after classes, everything fell apart. I was leaving through the back hallway the one that always stayed empty when I heard hurried footsteps behind me. Before I could turn, a hand grabbed my wrist.

“Why… why didn’t you come see me?”

Her voice. Shaky, quiet, but filled with something that froze me in place.

I turned slowly, and there she was, Natsuki-senpai, standing just inches away.
Her usual calm expression was gone, replaced by a mix of frustration and hurt.

“I waited, Katsu,” she said, her voice trembling. “Days went by, and you never came. Do you know how that felt?”

I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

Her grip on my wrist tightened. “Was it that hard? To even visit once?”

“…I wanted to,” I whispered. “But I couldn’t.”

“Couldn’t?” she repeated, her eyes narrowing. “Or wouldn’t?”

I looked away. “It’s better this way.”

“Better for who?” she snapped. “Because it definitely doesn’t feel better for me.”

The air grew heavy. Before I could step back, she moved quick, desperate and the next thing I knew, my back hit the wall with a dull thud.Her hands were pressed against my chest, her face close enough that I could see the glint of tears in her eyes.

“Why are you avoiding me, Katsu?” she said, voice cracking. “Am I a nuisance to you?”

My heart lurched. “What? No! You're not yo—”

“Then why?” she cried. “Why are you acting like I’m some stranger?”

I clenched my fists, forcing myself to meet her eyes.
“Because it’s safer this way,” I said finally. “You got hurt because of me, Senpai. I can’t let that happen again.”

Her tears fell, one by one, hitting the floor like tiny echoes.

“So that’s it? You’re just going to push me away because you think it’s ‘safer’?”
She shook her head, stepping closer. “You idiot. I didn’t save you because I had to. I did it because I really wanted to.”

I froze.

“I made that choice, Katsu,” she said, her voice breaking but steady. “Because you actually matter to me. Don’t you get it?”

I felt something twist inside my chest: guilt, relief, everything at once.

“Natsuki-senpai…” I whispered.

She looked up, her expression softening slightly. “What did I say about honorifics when we're the only ones together?”

I blinked. “Huh?”

She let out a shaky laugh, brushing her sleeve against her tears. “After everything we’ve been through, you went back to calling me Senpai? What happened to the boy who wasn’t afraid to shout my name back then?”

I hesitated. “It… just doesn’t feel right.”

She smiled faintly. “Then make it feel right.”

There was a long pause, the kind that felt heavier than words.

“…Akari,” I said finally, my voice barely a whisper.

Her eyes widened for a second and then she smiled, a genuine, gentle smile that felt like sunlight breaking through clouds.

“That’s better,” she said softly.

Silence settled between us, but it wasn’t heavy anymore. It was… warm.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “For everything. For not visiting. For running away.”

She shook her head. “You’re here now. That’s enough. I forgive you”

Before I could respond, she reached out and this time, instead of pushing me away, she pulled me into a hug. The world around us went quiet. Just the faint hum of the lights above, and her heartbeat against my chest.

Maybe for once, things didn’t need to make sense. Maybe it was okay to stop running.

“Welcome back, Katsu,” she whispered.

“You too” I said softly. “welcome back, Akari”

And for the first time in a while I actually believed I meant something even if it was only for a small time.