Red and Fleeting Autumn

On a hot summer night, two individuals laid side by side in a shitty tent. Neither seemed able to fall asleep but there was no awkwardness in the silence.

Raya: Hey Adam?

Adam: Yeah?

Raya: Why haven’t you… “attacked” me yet?

I turned to my side to look her in the face but she was still staring up at the ceiling.

What…

How do you expect me to respond to that?

Where did you even get that impression of men from? Isn’t that concerning seeing as how I’ve been with you since you were 12?

I stared at her blankly as dozens of incomplete thoughts run circles in my head.

Adam: You mean like…

Raya nods her head, clarifying it so that I don’t have to directly say that word that would make any inexperienced couple anxious.

I turn back to face the ceiling of the tent.

Adam: It’s… a morally gray area for someone like me.

Raya: huh?

Raya turned to her side to look at me, obviously confused.

Shit, how do other reincarnators deal with this situation? Of course, I mean other than Rudeus Greyrat, who would just go for it…

I looked straight at the ceiling for a while and didn’t speak. Though it was the middle of the night, a small amount of light still illuminated the inside of the tent. Words I wanted to say, words I shouldn’t say, and words I can’t say floated around my brain.

It’s not like I haven’t thought about what I would say when I eventually tell Raya about my reincarnation… It’s just that actually doing the thing is much more difficult than I’d thought.

Thankfully, Raya is patient but just her staring at me is making me so nervous that my thoughts are in a mess.

When I finally thought of what I would say I sat up, still facing away from Raya.

Adam: …I have been hiding a secret from you for a while now. Okay, it’s not really a secret but it’s kinda hard to just bring up, you know? Like I wanted to tell you but it could change the way you see me. No, I mean… it’s not like it’s something bad –well I guess that depends on how you see it– but its like kinda complicated and hard to believe. I mean–

Oh shit. Oh shitty shit shit fuck! I’m spiraling. How did I fuck up that bad?

Raya: If you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. If you do want to tell me, I’ll listen. I’m curious now that you reacted that way though. Hah, I don’t think I’ve even seen you this nervous in the face of death.

Though it was mostly dark, for someone like Raya, my nervousness was seen plain as day.

She simply smiled at me and waited for me to answer.

Well, here goes nothing.

Adam: You could say that I have memories from my past life. 14 years of growing up and then eventually dying. Simply put, I’m much older than I look. Well, that depends on how you’d count age in this situation but that’s besides the point… Huh, that’s actually the main gist of it. Any questions or comments?

Raya couldn’t hide her surprise at my truth and immediately sat up. After taking a moment to process her thoughts, she finally spoke:

Raya: Huh… that is not what I thought you were going to say… I guess it makes sense in retrospect though. I thought it would be something like you killed an innocent family of four at some point. Either way, I don’t feel any differently towards you.

What! How is that something I would do? Shouldn’t you have higher standards for your boyfriend?

Well, I’m glad that she’s accepted this easily.

Raya: So tell me, what kind of person were you in your first life?

Adam: …heh, you know. Just a lonely kid who hated everything. But the world I lived in was much different to this one… I ended up committing suicide due to various reasons. Don’t worry though, I wouldn’t kill myself while an existence as great and beautiful as yours still draws breath.

With that, I flopped back down and stared back at the ceiling.

Raya slid closer to me until her body was pressed up against mine.

Raya: My, how romantic. For the record, I would never kill myself unless you were doing it with me.

As the two of us leaned closer into one another our voices became quieter until we were nearly whispering.

Adam: Careful now, don't be too romantic…

Cautiously, the both of us closed our eyes and our lips met. After just barely touching, Raya's head pulled back. But when I opened my eyes, Raya had kissed me again. This time was much deeper. Much more... passionate

I didn't want to breathe, but eventually my body forced me to.

She retreated her head a short distance away as she held my head in her hands. Her cheeks were flushed and she appeared slightly out of breath. I could still hear her heartbeat thumping as hard as mine. Perhaps this was the most beautiful she'd ever been.

Raya: Oh? Now that you’ve divulged your deepest secret to me is this a “morally gray” area no longer?

Smiling, Raya took the opportunity to taunt me.

It’s not like she’s wrong though…

Adam: I... Still...

Still... the events of my first life haunt me. The mistakes I made were more severe than suicide. They had affected people other than me in ways that can't be undone. 

Lust. That's what she told me I amounted to in my first life. Given that... shouldn't I stop history from repeating itself? 

With that dousing of water, my fever cooled a bit. I pulled away slightly, still not out of Raya's reach, but far enough that I could force myself to not cross any lines.

Raya stared at me with a slight frown, clearly confused. Her cute eyes narrowed and her head tilted to the side ever so slightly. 

Hold on, if she knows everything about me and still wants it, I have no reason to hold back. This is morally acceptable, she even turned 18 recently...

Holy shit, that makes me sound like a predator. I definitely should not do this.

My eyes close and I try to focus

Clarity... clear mind... no distractions...

My eyes open and Raya is still sitting in front of me. She's just as hot as she was two seconds ago!

--!

I almost lose it, but rationality just barely wins. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer towards me. Close enough that I was looking past her shoulder with her body pressed against mine. With her ear right next to me, I whisper:

Adam: Just... wait a little bit longer before you... attack me.

Raya: Me “attacking” you? You wish! You’re just too scared to take initiative. Don’t think that I can’t feel your little friend asking for some attention?

Uh, shit, that’s not something I can control.

I look away sheepishly and dodge elegantly.

Adam: I have no idea what you’re talking about…

In response, Raya crawls on top of me. She stares deeply into my eyes, but when I look away, she cools off a bit too. She pecks me on the cheek and lies down next to me.

Is even this okay?

No, for some reason this still feels wrong.

But I’ve long since accepted that I’m not a good person.

...

As expected, not much time passed before the thread that self restraint was hanging to... snapped.

It made me happy. I truly am a sinner. 

- - - - - - -

Why does it feel so wrong to be happy?

Bam

I don’t know, but I’ve noticed that the uncomfortable feeling I get when I’m happy for a period of time has finally started to go away.

Slash

A sword glides through its target effortlessly and another head flies.

All I want is…

Bam

A flying rock hits my shoulder, cleaving some flesh and spraying blood in various directions.

All I want is to live happily with Raya…

Boom

The blood that splashed on the hooded figures now explodes, killing some instantly while mutilating others.

But these people keep chasing us…

Bam

They will never leave us alone…

Bam

That’s why I have to kill them…

Bam

Even if I lose a part of me that was just barely holding on before…

Bam

Even if I die…

Bam

This is the right thing to do right?

Bam

Adam: How many has that been so far? I’ve lost count

I use my hand to clean my vision that has long been dyed red.

This is the first time I’ve seen so much blood in one place, and most of it isn’t even mine.

All of the grass in the clearing has been dyed crimson. In places where the grass and trees have been uprooted, the dirt and boulders underneath have also been dyed crimson. Corpses are littered like fallen leaves.

The metallic stench overwhelmed my senses. If I hadn’t long gotten used to the sight and smell of blood, I don’t know if could’ve handled this.

As I turn to check on how Raya’s doing, three more enemies pop out from behind me. Perhaps they had been hiding amongst the corpses of their friends.

Adam: dammit, no matter how many times you try that, you’ll just die.

With a swing of my sword, two of the assailants are bisected. I dodge the third’s attack, sidestep him, then kick his left side. He goes flying into a nearby tree then crumples to the ground lifelessly.

This doesn’t feel like self defense, it’s more like a massacre.

If I don’t kill these people, Raya would die.

To me that is even more unacceptable than becoming a cold blooded monster.

Adam: How are you faring Raya?

Though I tried my best to stop the enemies from getting to Raya, it was impossible to do so completely with so many of them. Our only hope at winning against Kael Drogo is if Raya can unleash as much of Ryuzu’s Fang as possible.

Raya: Not too bad honestly. There are only a few guys left, but they don’t seem inclined to come at us directly. Be on guard for the big man though.

An arrow came flying at Raya but she caught it with her hand and threw a lightning bolt in the direction that the arrow was shot from.

No other arrows came flying after that so I’m assuming she got him.

Slash

Just after I began walking over to Raya’s side, an intangible blade cut through my arm, my leg, and parts of my torso.

Unexpectedly, or should I say exactly as expected, Kael Drogo has arrived.

I try to dodge away from where the invisible slash came from while reattaching my severed arm and leg but a kick that came from nowhere struck me in the center of my chest. I was sent flying and tumbling until a small boulder intercepted my path.

Raya stepped in front of me and drew her sword. As she did so, the atmosphere became charged with static electricity and electricity jumped off of her.

Raya: Hello Grandfather, it’s so kind of you to join the party.

With a groan, I stood back up, fully healed once more.

Kael: Keh, that friend of yours is rather durable. Mind if I take him as my new punching bag?