From the Depths of Dreams

Sleep was full of fits and shakes for Hazuki. As Naoe sat beside him and watched over his rest, she saw and heard the tremors and flenches of a wounded psyche. Watching the body of the once young boy she had known now collapse on itself in a broken heap of damp clothes brought an empathetic heartbreak to Baie that she had not felt in a very long time.

Fits of wretches and muffled grunts came through the entirety of his rest. All the while Naoe was there with him, trying to make sense of the boy before her that had once been so full of energy and happiness. After several hours, her hand instinctively reached out to rest on his shoulder in comfort, but Naoe remembered his terror against touch from before and decided to merely move closer to him.

Silence amid Hazuki’s sleep allowed Naoe to reflect on the events of the day. She had only just awakened when she had noticed the tent near her tree. Immediately upon looking at it, she had felt a pull to whoever was inside. For a brief, wonderful moment, she had hoped it was Hazuki, the boy she had remembered. The one she had thought about for years since he vanished. The one she had prayed was safe and okay and happy wherever he was, even if she never saw him again.

To her great remorse, the boy the flailed out from his tent while begging for forgiveness in a broken voice was Hazuki, but it wasn’t the Hazuki she had known. This young man was a walking shadow, but when she saw his eyes, she could feel the pull to him that told her he was still inside of that fractured mind and body.

Emotions were broiling inside her in a way that she had long forgotten. It caused her slight unease but also brought a welcome change in demeanor after decades of drifting. How long had it been since she’d told anyone her secret. How long had it been since anyone had seen her. She wondered if anyone else was still alive that had once known of her.

Naoe wasn’t sure why she had told the truth to Hazuki. There weren’t any direct consequences to it, but in the moment of deciding to reveal her secret, she had felt a heavy dread that he might be scared away or think she was lying. His concern for his mental state made her melancholy existence even more intimidating to reveal. That dread had almost been enough to stop her, but in the end she found herself longing for him to know. To truly see her. To stay. The fact that he did stay and had spent the entire day with her afterwards; all the way to asking her to sit beside him while he slept, brought her great joy. So there she sat, watching the night terrors shake his body as she wished she could stop them.

His face was scarred and rougher than it should be for someone his age. Raised callouses on his knuckles implied dozens of violent encounters. Uneven, uncontrolled hair seemed like it was grown out in spite and resistance. And his leg.

“Your leg… You used to love running and swimming,” Naoe whispered as tears rose in her eyes.

Seeing his broken, hobbled limp that afternoon as they’d settled in had almost caused Naoe to weep in grief for the boy who seemed to be gone. Once, he ran through the park before her. Once, he ran to her. Now, he hunched without looking up and dragged one leg to the side as strained steps lurched his empty soul through life.

For Hazuki, dreams of trees finally returned after years of being dormant. In his dreams, Hazuki walked beneath the earth along a path of enormous roots that spanned like stairs across the void.

In the real world, his breath quickened and Naoe leaned closer to make sure he was okay. His exhales became sighs that sounded equal parts strained and pleased.

In the dream, Naoe was at the center of the root system, nestled against a towering tree trunk and glowing white in a beckoning light that pulled Hazuki forward. As Hazuki got closer, the base of the tree parted in a dripping sigh. The bark folded against its edges and its horizontally curved opening gaped wide enough for Naoe to be pulled into its darkness by unseen tendrils.

Hazuki let out a moan in the midst of his grunts. The sound of his breathing and the pull of unseen chemical messengers dug into Naoe’s body and drew her even closer to him. As he panted, her eyes closed without her meaning to, and her lips parted. A warm sensation drifted up her legs and towards her hips. Sensation felt heightened across her skin as she unconsciously moved closer to him. Every soft caress of fabric on her chest felt more noticeable. Her hair slid forward over her shoulder and softly draped into his cheek.

Dreamstate Naoe had all but vanished into the darkness of the tree’s sap-soaked tunnel. Her hand was all that remained; extended out and beckoning Hazuki forward. An unseen sigh from her lips echoed out from the darkness and caressed his ears as his fingers touched her hand. The tendrils ran along her fingers and roped themselves around Hazuki’s arms. His eyes closed in acceptance and soon he was pulled forward into the darkness with her.

In the real world, Hazuki moaned softly and relaxed.

“Naooooeee…” he murmured as his hand reached out towards the nothingness.

As he did, his body turned so that his face was pointed towards Noae’s. By now they were only inches apart. His soft exhales grazed her lips, pulling her back to reality.

Naoe’s thoughts returned and she abruptly opened her eyes. Her breath was heavy now as well. The tightness of her obi felt snug against her ribs and her chest rose and fell in small, embarrassed gasps. Naoe now saw how close she had gotten to Hazuki and quietly shifted away from him. As she did, a single tear of realization ran down her face. She could sense his dream and remembered his earlier comment about dreaming about her. It was a harbinger of suffering that she knew all too well.

It all made sense finally. She had known this sensation so many times before. The realization of a long suppressed fear was materializing in Naoe’s stomach as she looked down at the young man she had already grown to care for greatly.

“It’s you. Oh no. Oh no, no, no, it’s you,” she whispered as more tears rose and a new, secret sorrow seized her soul.

This time she did let her desirous hand touch his ever so slightly. He didn’t flinch away this time, and seemingly didn’t notice in his deep slumber. It felt warm to her skin.

“I’m happy it’s you. I’m happy it won’t be you,” she said to him as he slept and she wept.

Daylight came and Hazuki’s dreams eventually dissipated on their own. Naoe was still beside him; seated with her eyes closed and meditating. His eyes opened without a word and he watched the surreal image beside him. Her pink kimono was as clean as ever, as though she wasn’t actually affected by the world around her. Her hands were small and smooth. Her neck was elegant and thin. Strands of hair sat weightless on her shoulder as the breaths from her nose caused the fabric of her kimono to shift ever so slightly with each inhale.

Her hand was still on his and when he finally sensed it, his fingers flinched but he stopped himself and didn’t immediately pull away. The flinch was enough to break Naoe’s meditation and she lifted her hand as she faced him.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

He shook his head.

“It’s okay.”

“You were having bad dreams.”

“I always do. Thank you for staying with me,” he said as he looked at her.

“You’re still here. You’re really here,” Hazuki whispered.

Naoe nodded and smiled as she banished the tragedy in her mind that had awoken a few hours earlier when she realized what their connection truly entailed.

“I’m here. And so are you. We’re back together again after all this time,” she smiled softly.

Naoe felt Hazuki’s gaze was more penetrating than usual. His dark, sleep-filled eyes peered at through the mess of hair hanging in his face but he didn’t look away from her as he lay there. To her surprise, Naoe found herself not wanting to look away either. Her hand returned to resting on his.

But then bodies appeared at the tent. Naoe heard them approaching and saw their shadows arrive on the fabric. Hazuki noticed as well and immediately bolted upright.