Another Day

Seeing things hurts. Hearing things hurts. I don't know what I can say anymore.

I just want to cry. But I shouldn't cry.

My life isn't terrible. It isn't. I don't think it is.

I'm not sure about everything.

I don't know anything.

I want to sleep...

...

But I also don't want to sleep...

I see a forest. Trees surrounding me, their leaves blocks the light of the moon, the ground was a mix of dirt and grass, a black bird's perched on a tree, and I can hear the small buzzing of the bugs.

I don't know how I knew that, but I have been transported into another world.

It's the kind of world corrupted by evil. Monsters roaming the surface, terrorising people under the command of a demon lord. At least, that's the common trope that I know. It's not as if I entered an already written story and took the role of a character. This is a world of its own, and I'm an intruder. Or a guest if you prefer a less criminal word. A visitor. But one thing is sure is that I don't belong here.

Well, since I'm already living the plot of a character anyway, why don't I introduce myself? My name is Blob. I am a girl just like any other. I like chocolate and noodles, and I enjoy music and the thought of love. Well, when I said just like any other, I don't mean that we're exactly the same. But honestly, I think that everyone is similar in the aspect of being their own person that have their differences and similarities compared to others.

And yeah, that's not my real name. Even when I monologue, I don't call myself by my real name. I'm not even sure if it actually fits me even though it is my name from birth. It's just awkward to say my own name.

All right, I have a problem here. And that problem is that I'm alone right now. Not to mention incompetent. Can you imagine someone incompetent surviving on their own? I will probably die if a monster finds me. Like, dang. I don't want to die before I become a powerful mage or a fisherman lvl 100.

What? I like fishing. In games, at least. I mean, I've fished in real life before. And I enjoy bringing up my catch from a line... but the thought of hurting a life... and at direct sight?! -is horrible and makes me feel bad. I know that animals kill each others for food, territory, and other cruel reasons that I would not understand as well. I mean, I don't know about the details but I don't look into animal stuff enough to understand them. But anyway, I still feel bad hurting or killing them even if it's for food. But like, I still want to eat meat because it's delicious. But I won't go as far as eating them myself.

All right! Enough of that. In case you didn't know, I kinda do that a lot. monologuing. And side-tracking into topics that aren't the main subjects anymore. I think I might be lonely. But either way. Now that I am here, I should probably do something about this life.

Survival and future thinking. Well, of course, my survival is more important since I have nothing... and can't do nothing... I don't have anyone to guide me. And this is the middle of the forest... Like, the middle of nowhere...? Boy. Having no one to help me is bad enough. But being lost in the woods? I don't go out a lot nor do I have a very good memory and directional orientation I'm as good as lost.

I swear, if this is real life kind of fantasy world and not the game one, I'm so f*cking dead. Like, it'd be a big relief if I could save at one point in my life and load the save if I needed to go back. Unlimited saves would be great but only if they let me do it, whoever is the one that manages how this world function. OR at least a respawn! I don't want to die and that's it! Let me continue to live! Though, it's not like I can do that in real life either. And taking fantasy life seriously ain't gonna be easy unless I actually face the danger myself. For now, I'm chill. I'm neutral. I'm here. I guess. But seriously, if this is indeed a game or game-like world where almost any player can level up easily and survive, I don't want to die due to my worthlessness of my lack of any competence or skill! It would be so pathetic! It's only sad if it's other people. I'm pathetic.

Anyways. How would I even know if it's the game kind of fantasy world? I mean, if it's like a game, and not really a game, I doubt that there would be some kind of tutorial telling you what to do. Use ZQSD (WASD) to move or something, this kind of sh*t. But this isn't a PC with keyboards, or controllers with joysticks. Do I just imagine the game menu and it'll pop up, just like that?

It popped up.

It just popped up just like that as I thought about wanting it to appear. It's just that simple.

...

All—right, then! Let's check out what I got! :D

I tinkle with the mentally manipulable screen and find a profile. It says "Identity". And there seemed to be more than one, but the others are blank. I should fill one at least.

[Name : Bel]

Should I... actually put in my real name...? If something happened that somehow involves my head on the wanted poster or something like, it wouldn't be good. You never know if some crazy people targets you out of a sudden for reasons you don't know or accidentally offended them! But then, maybe it's better to just be honest. I'm probably just overreacting. This isn't an anime or some crap where unlikely scenarios are going to happen. And, it looks like I can change my name at any moment. Huh. Looks like this is more flexible than some of the games I've known. Just some of them. It really depends on the game or the creator's choice, I suppose.

Although I've filled in the first profile, I put a name in a second one just in case.

[Name : Blob]

Is that too unserious? I'm more likely to answer if someone called me by this name and not something made up on the spot. It's my username, after all.

Okay, let's see what I have in stock. So, nothing in my inventory. Understandable. What about my level and skills? Level 0. Apparently, that's possible. I honestly thought I'd at least start at level 1 but being level 0 is like settling with the reality that I'm really starting from nothing; I mean, I didn't even have an identity before I put in the information myself, does that mean that I am a nobody in this place? I've got some points to spend on stats. It's just the usual Strength, Perception, Endurance, Charisma, Intelligence, Agility, and Luck. I should probably have them distributed equally because they can all assure my survival. If I lack any of them, I'm a dead Blob. And I have no skills to use at all. I guess it's all basic attack for now. That is if I plan to fight at all. If it was possible, I think I would much prefer to spare everyone. Like I said, I feel bad hurting or ending a life. I'll try not to think past hurting grass by walking on it. But yeah, I'd be more content making lots of friends and allies than just killing them.

But what if they all turn against me? What if I lose their trust from a mistake or from being framed? I would have nobody. I would be all alone. That is if I don't die from an angry mob or something like that.

I'm scared. I want to go home.

"Now, now. You haven't even scrapped the surface yet. Stay a little longer."

"Huh?" I opened my eyes and see a rooftop that I didn't recognize.

The familiar voice of the stranger called me and told me to wake up. "It's morning, dear. Time to get up and get yourself prepared."

Was there a voice? Mm... No. If there was, I'd remember being afraid of someone invading my privacy by reading my mind.

I put on the borrowed clothes and headed downstairs.

"Good morning." I greeted Miriam who is making breakfast.

"Good morning, dearie. Breakfast's almost ready. Take a sit and get yourself something to drink." Miriam replied.

I heard the front door open and the greeting of a familiar friendly voice.

"Good morning, Miriam. Good morning, Blob. Did you two have nice rest?" Phonon greeted.

"Well, hello there, young Phonon. And good morning to you too. I've had a restful sleep, thank you." Miriam replied.

"Good morning... I've slept well too..." I answered.

"I heard you've started working at Lycoris' place since yesterday. Hang in there. I know how stressing it can be to when you're still not experienced in a job. It might take some time but you'll get over it someday. By the way, the boss got you something to snack on. It's roasted water chestnut covered in crystal sugar. There's enough for you too, Miriam." Phonon said and handed me the snacks.

"Why, that is nice of him. Give him my thanks, will you?" Miriam replied.

"Water chestnut?" I examined the snack and they looked familiar.

Isn't that 馬蹄 (maatai)? Or is it just something that looks like it? Because if it is, then I didn't know it was called water chestnut in english. I hope it'll taste good as a snack.

"Uh... Thanks."

"Lycoris is treating you well, right?" Phonon asked.

"Yeah. He's not rude." I replied;

Phonon chuckled. "I see. I hope you two will get along. Well, then. I'll see you another time. Stay safe." Phonon waved and left.

"See ya..." I waved back.

Stay safe? Are you telling me he knows that Lycoris' line of work can be dangerous too? Maybe I'm exaggerating. This world doesn't lack monsters so it must be a norm for them to have to stay safe wherever they go. And even without monsters, we got natural predators and shady people. Well, anyways. Time for work!

Arrived to the workshop, Lycoris gave a dagger. I look up at him.

"I don't suppose you are familiar with combat. But keep it just in case you need to fight." Lycoris explained.

"Okay..." I said but I really don't wanna fight...!

Bro, how do you expect me to kill something with that? Skill issues aside, it's just sad to kill something even if they are currently trying to take my life. Oh, well. We only live once so try until we can't do anything I guess? I mean, even if I try to fight for my life but I am against a sadistic demon, I can't do anything if he cut off all my limbs and twists my guts or even force feed it to me. That's a gruesome imagery but I practically can't do anything to a cruel son of a gun if he tortures me. I'm pretty much helpless.

All right. Enough time-wasting over-thinking and more actually living the moment. Or rather getting prepared for danger because we need to be cautious in the wild. Or anywhere. And anywhen. Scammers, robbers, and maniacs exist everywhere and everywhen. Ahhh! I'm too stressed! This would not sell well as a novel! But then I rarely see an anime with a lot of internal thought so I would kinda be interested. It's funny to see characters panic or overthink random things. But then, when it comes to myself it kinda doesn't vibe the same way. Oh well, maybe you just need writing skills for it to look good, I guess.

Lycoris and I went to the same woods but a different part of it and foraged more herbs. I'm definitely ain't gonna remember all their names and properties. I should note down the ones interesting to me. Yeah. I started with nothing. Everything I have right now were given by the inn lady. Talk about debt. I think that people would usually say paying back someone who helps you is a must. But in a forceful way that makes you think you shouldn't get help like how people would run away from ambulances even though they're injured because they don't have insurance. While other people would say they're just nice and want to help so I shouldn't think of it as a debt. The least I can do is be thankful. I am thankful but in my opinion, that's not enough. I should help her back but I know deep down how lazy I am. Whelp, I'm working now. Maybe someday I'll become even more independent and know how to repay someone properly. And understand how usual social interaction works.

I swear, everything I do has a lot of overthinking. I mean, to be fair, I'm not interacting or talking with Lycoris so my head's pretty empty. Doing something gives me the time to overthink. What doesn't, though? I'm always thinking! I guess that's just the life of a Blob. Blob being me.

I see a crow perched on the branch of a tree. It descended from the tree and walked to me.

Wait. That's not a crow. Its beak and feathers aren't all black. Then what bird is it? I would have said a raven but I have no idea what a raven looks like. Let me check Lycoris' notebook.

I flipped the page and saw neither crows or ravens. Even the drawings are of different kind of birds and he didn't describe any black bird in the notebook.

What do you want bird? Why you walk to me like that?!

I flinched when it flew towards me and perched on my shoulder.

What? Are you going to become my familiar or something? I do want to become a witch or something similar but have mercy on my heart. I am not used to have any corvid or human approach. What do I do now? I'm kinda frozen? A bit scared? Oh, I know.

"Lycoris?" I called the man who wasn't too far from where I was.

"What is it, Blob?" Lycoris then looked my way.

"There's a bird on my shoulder." I replied.

He looked surprised then approached me and the bird careful. "This bird... It doesn't seem to have any malicious intent but I sense its mischief."

"Oh. A smart mischievous bird, huh? What kind of bird is it?" I asked.

"It's a raven. But I haven't see one in these woods before." Lycoris replied.

"So what? Did it see something amusing so he's now perching on my shoulder?" I asked.

"Possibly. Leave her alone, bird." Lycoris shoos the bird off as it perches on a nearby tree and watches from the darkness of the trees.

"Do you guys have things like demons disguised as less intimidating creatures to catch you off guard and hurt you or something?" I asked.

"It isn't impossible when a demon sees potential in a person, they would approach them with a deal. But to harm them, they don't usually need underhanded tactics as they are very powerful beings. The chances of meeting them is very low so you shouldn't worry about it too much." Lycoris explained.

"Yeah. I guess. Are demons bad or can there be nice demons?" I asked.

"I haven't heard of nice demons before. Unlike some monsters that are docile enough to tame, they are intelligent on their own. And not many people have met enough demons to confirm their morality. But there are stories were people claims that the demon they met were kind until the townsfolk meet their demise upon meeting the manipulative demon."

"Ah. So there are bad demons." ... That's alarming. ...

I guess I am in a fantasy world of sort. But it couldn't have been something more chill, huh? I couldn't have started as a baby, huh? I have to manage on my own from day one knowing I have no time to lose and need to gear up before I get hurt. I mean, I technically got help from the village but still I'm going to have to continue on my own like, pretty soon! Seriously, how do protagonists usually get ready so fast? Do I just not work the same pace as them? I mean, I've watched anime but not all of them so I don't know if all protagonists are always ready. Besides, most of them as divine or other worldly intervention. Do I have that? Is the mentally manipulable screen part of it? Or is it part of this world? I mean, I guess that's a help of sort. Having multiple identities and the ability to earn skills? What are the identities for? This really a game, you telling me? Well, it doesn't feel like one to me because usually, you can quit game even online games by force. But this isn't a PC I can shut down. I can't go back home. I can't see my family. I miss my blanket! I'm not saying I don't miss my family but being wrapped in my blanket is the only comfort I have in life. Sitting next to my family and talking to them isn't exactly soothing or relaxing. I don't know if it's them who don't know how to comfort people or is it me who don't talk to them enough. I guess I bottle up my feelings a lot. I mean, what happened last time I cried? Don't cry. Why are you even crying? It's nothing. And no. It's not in the heartless cold tone. At least, I don't think so. They're not cold. But caring? Maybe not too much either. They wouldn't feel bad for eating animals. I guess average amount of care? Still... It makes me not want them to know when I'm upset. Either they get mad or they comfort me in a way that isn't comforting. ... I'm living yet another day and still haven't learnt what is normal and what isn't. And everyday, I feel like everything is my fault. Maybe it's not just a feeling. It is my fault however I end up being. But other people would say it isn't. And some others would say it is. I don't know who to listen to. But people say that you can't always blame your problems on others. So that means it's my fault, right?

...

Sigh. Sometimes I wish I could just... sleep forever.

"Is something in your mind?" Lycoris asked. "You look upset."

"More than my resting face?" I asked.

"Yes. Do you need to talk about it?"

"I don't know..." It's what I always answer. "I guess I'm just complaining too much in my head. I don't like complaining because it makes me feel like all I do is whine and I don't do anything about it. It's just... annoying, I guess?"

"What kind of complaint?" Lycoris asked while collecting the herbs nearby.

"Like... feeling miserable, I guess? Not knowing anything. I don't know if I'm actually miserable. I don't know if I actually don't know anything or don't acknowledge it. I feel like I'm not trying to look deeper. I guess I'm too lazy to dig deeper."

"You're too lazy to find out?"

"I mean... I guess maybe I don't want to find out that I actually acknowledge my problem knowing that I don't try to do anything to change it? Or maybe digging deeper seems so exhausting that I don't want to try? Either way, I never try..."

"Whatever it is, take your time." Lycoris replied. "It may not seem we have plenty of time but your mind and body has its limit. Even if a single tasks looks simple, sometime it will take more than you think it should last. Everyone has their own struggles and difficulty. You may not find it valid for you to stay idle but life is exhausting."

...

"Speaking of which, I need to relax a bit. If the smoke bothers you, I'll go further." Lycoris said as he pulled out a pipe.

"You smoke?!" I reacted not expecting him to do something that is probably unhealthy.

"It's one way I picked to de-stress. And for your information, I don't plan to live past my 80s." Lycoris replied.

I wanted to say it's too bad but it's not like we can live forever and as we become old, life gets worse. If I am not wrong, they become more dysfunctional. Hard to breathe, hard to walk, having difficulty staying awake, remembering things... Why is everything so sad? Why do we have to rot as corpse? Why do have to stop functioning? Why do we have to decompose? Why do our bodies abandon us like that?

The raven flew towards me as it pushed me back, I fell.