I Remember Outlines, But I Can’t Remember Days

That spring was full of days of peace and longing. Every day Naoe and Hazuki explored the enormous park together. Nights saw Hazuki staying awake as long as possible before returning to his hidden tent for a few hours of rest.

Crowds increased with the bloom season in full glory, and Naoe enjoyed spending the days seeing the joy on peoples’ faces as they basked in the pink and white explosions around them. Through it all, Hazuki was there beside her; quiet and steady, not unlike a tree himself.

“So you don’t remember much of your human life?” asked Hazuki one day after she had briefly mentioned it as they ate breakfast.

Naoe shook her head.

“I remember outlines, but I can’t remember days. I remember sadness, but I can’t remember why. I think I might have remembered at some point, but it’s long gone now,” she answered.

Her fingers fidgeted with a blade of grace at her feet and she looked at Hazuki.

“Why do you ask?”

Hazuki looked at her.

“Because I want to know about you. Because it’s your past,” he replied with a subtle shrug.

“I’m actually not sure I care to remember. It’s long gone. My life is this grove. This tree.”

Her gaze looked up at the blooms above her. Her tree was in full bloom now. Melancholy mystery returned to her features as she looked at the flowers.

“I’m sorry,” said Hazuki.

It surprised Naoe.

“Why?” she asked.

“You seem lonely. And you’ve been stuck here for so long.”

“I’m not lonely now,” she said.

“You’re here with me, so being stuck here isn’t that bad,”

“Is there anything you miss? Or wish you could experience again? I could try to bring it to you,” he said.

Naoe smiled at the kindness and thought about his proposition for a few moments. As far as she could remember, no one had ever offered her human experiences again. Even though her memories were hazy and she had no strong remembrance of who she was, her heart drew her to a few ideas.

“I’d love to read poetry again. And have a cup of matcha. I remember enjoying those at some point. Maybe in my human life or maybe it was somehow in my time with the tree. But I recall enjoying those. That would be plenty,” she said.

Thoughts of tea touching her lips and being able to feel paper against her fingertips once more seemed like a dream too extravagant to hope for after decades of sitting idly at her tree. However, before the thoughts could fully set in, Hazuki was already limping up from his seat and dusting his pants legs.

“W-What are you doing?” asked Naoe.

“Going to find you some poetry and matcha,” he replied.

“No! I didn’t mean now! I-”

“You’ve been here alone all this time and you want something as simple as this. I have time and money, and there are good stores a short train ride away. I can do this for you,” he replied in a simple, matter-of-fact tone.

“Hazuki- I-”

Naoe paused. She wasn’t completely sure what she was feeling. His kindness touched her in a way she seemingly had never felt before. At that moment, she looked at him in a different light. A small rush of warmth drifted in her chest as she looked up at him as he smiled a tired, gentle smile back to her. His long hair covered his face in a soft blow as the late February winds moved through the trees in a quiet whisper. His smile also never reached his eyes.

“I’ll be back tonight,” he said with a slight head bow.

Naoe’s hand reached for his out of reflex and he stopped as her fingers tugged on his sleeve end. He felt her pull and didn’t flinch this time.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“Always,” he replied.

Hazuki left the park. It was quite a ways to the nearest public transportation, so he set his mind to move as efficiently as possible while not over exerting himself. Out from the park he made his way to the street and began the steady walk on the road’s shoulder towards his destination. It was a few miles so he knew it would take some time.

Back at the tree, Naoe watched Hazuki until he vanished over the hill. When he was no longer in sight, Naoe sat back at the base of the tree. Sunlight provided a warmth on her face and hands that was a welcome break from the cool winds. As she sat basking in the light, an elderly man approached. He was bowed low from age, with his hands behind his back. His shirt was pink and a khaki bucket hat covered his thinning hair. Naoe glanced at him as he walked near her true, and to her astonishment, he looked right at her. The man met her gaze with a kind smile and a bow but never stopped walking.

His aura felt learned and approachable. Naoe had sensed people like this before. Beyond the occasional person like Hazuki who was supposed to see her, only a handful of others would know of her existence.

“Maybe a shinsoku?” she thought to herself as he moved on through the trees and away from her.

Sunlight moved along its path as the glow in the sky drifted along its invisible route. Shadows grew and shrank as noon arrived. By now Hazuki had been walking for almost two hours. Admittedly, his pace was slower than the average person and he knew it would be a full day trip. The station was ahead and soon he could sit again. His benefits and available currency allowed him enough money to occasionally use public transportation, but he generally avoided it so as not to draw attention to himself or make nearby strangers nervous.

Thankfully, at midday the train station was relatively empty. Minutes later, Hazuki was on the train heading towards Inabe’s center. Several intermittent stops came and went and soon he was at his destination. Beeps alerted him that he had arrived and he exited into the urban center of the city. Not far away was a large chain bookstore with several floors of offerings. That was to be his first stop.

Inside the store, Hazuki slowly wandered the aisles until he came upon the poetry section. It was then he realized he did not know any good poets from Naoe’s time. A staff member walked by and Hazuki called to them.

“Excuse me?” he asked.

The worker stopped and eyed him with a slightly concerned look.

“Could you help me find some poetry from the Edo period? And maybe some modern anthologies?” he asked.

The worker seemed to enjoy the request and immediately offered some options.

“I enjoy the works of these. They were particularly known for their mastery of haiku and reflections on nature and fleeting moments. And this is a famous newer poet who developed modern interpretations of haiku and tanka. He’s known for his love of nature,” she explained as she pointed to some options.

Hazuki bowed.

“Thank you so much! Can you set those at the counter while I look some more?” he asked.

She bowed and took his two selections. Hazuki then had an idea and made his way to another aisle. Moments later he was leaving the store with a bag of several paperback books.

Next he walked several blocks to a tea shop that had shown up on his phone’s map search. Thankfully they had what he needed. He was set.

By now it was mid-afternoon. As Hazuki walked through the streets, he took in the bustle of the world around him and the difference it felt from his wooded, natural seclusion. He did not mind the city. Its energy and color had always excited him as a child, and he had frequently gone into town with his grandparents for fun weekend activities. Now as a young man, he realized there was a small part of him that had missed these streets and the sensation of being among thousands of others’ proximity while still being able to keep to himself. Walking alone with a fleeting sensation of pleasantness in his spirit was an unexpected joy. A brief flash of imagination sent a visual of Naoe walking with him, and Hazuki wondered what she would think of the modern world.

A slight smile drifted up his lips as he imagined exploring the city with her. It was a pleasant idea, even if far-fetched. For now, he was more than grateful she could even move around the grove.

Back at the grove, Naoe was trying to imagine what Hazuki was currently experiencing. Her small glimpses of modernity within the park had shown her the world was vastly different than the Japan she had existed in. She wondered what the buildings looked and felt like. What the workers did. How they ate their meals and spent their evenings. Japan had always held many traditions which she knew still existed, but she also felt that the world outside of her grove would be unlike anything she could relate to.

Every time she imagined the current world, she wondered if it was leaving the plum trees behind. We’re her tree, her kimono, and her quiet demeanor all parts of a world being left by time? Still, as she sat there imagining Hazuki limping through its unknown complexity, she felt a pang of longing to be with him and see what was beyond the plum trees.

Dusk arrived with a flourish of purple and orange. Birds called to another in a melodic signal that the day was ending. Their chirps and songs echoed against the tree trunks and serenaded Naoe as she sat soaking in the setting sun. Fragrant scents of honey and flowery perfume drifted in the air as she breathed in deep. Earth and moss absorbed her palms as she reclined and put her weight into her hands. Minutes flowed like water in a stream and soon Hazuki returned with a handful of bags. Naoe saw his haul and felt a rush of embarrassed appreciation.

“Hazuki! What on earth did you get?” she asked with a slight laugh.

In her time, the concept of procuring even a single novel would have been a month’s milestone. Yet there he was with several.

Modernity had its perks, Naoe thought to herself.

“You’ll see,” Hazuki answered as he joined her and laid out his purchases at her feet.

“You now have several poetry books. You have a few history books. And this- this is called ‘manga’...”

Naoe picked up the book with the colorful illustrated cover.

“They are like Ukiyo-e. But they have text?!” she said as she unwrapped one of the manga from its plastic wrapper.

She opened the book then immediately blurted out a surprised laugh and closed the book. Hazuk paused and looked at the book.

“What is this?!” she laughed through wholehearted blush.

“What do you mean?” he asked as he took the book from her.

To his horror, he opened the book to reveal illustrations of undressed characters engaged in graphically drawn intimate situations.

“What on earth?!” he laughed.

“On no! I got hentai!” he fell back laughing.

“Hentai?! Pervert?! What does that mean?” asked Naoe.

“Exactly that. Hentai is a type of manga that mostly focuses on, well, that…” he snorted as he opened the book and pointed at one of the pictures.

“No w-wonder I got stared at,” he said to himself as he reflected on the awkward gazes as he walked the upper floor.

“But the description sounded like a romance. They were from a rural town and both wound up in Tokyo working for big companies, trying to succeed in the modern business world,” he explained.

“Well, looks like she’s succeeding in some ways!” blushed Naoe as she laughed as she looked at the illustration of a young woman being tended to by multiple partners.

“I’m sorry! I got others! That’s why it was wrapped! Okay I get it now. Well the others aren’t wrapped. And the other books are not like that! I’ll take it back later,” Hazuki apologized while still grinning in humiliation.

‘Great, now she thinks I’m a pervert!’ Hazuki thought to himself.

“No, keep it. I’ll still read it,” grinned Naoe.

Hazuki felt himself blush and had to look away. Naoe noticed and grinned to herself. She was not joking though, she did want to read the book nonetheless.

“Okay, what else is in there?” asked Naoe in an effort to help move the conversation along.

Hazuki appreciated the transition and excitedly opened the main bag to reveal a packaged matcha tea kit. Naoe gasped a genuine gasp of wonder.

“The staff showed me this; an entire matcha kit that includes a highly rated matcha powder, a matching pot and bowl set, a chasen whisk, a wooden chasaku spoon, and a wooden serving platter. I have a battery-powered burner in my tent I can use to heat water. You can have matcha now. I’ll go get some more powder any time you -”

He stopped when he noticed Naoe was crying in silence.

“Naoe?” he asked as he extended his hand to her.

Naoe’s fingers met his but she didn’t speak. The tears ran fully and Hazuki wanted to do something but he felt it best to merely sit there with her without saying a word. Tears formed in his eyes as well for reasons he couldn’t quite place. Naoe’s free hand ran along the package in gracious appreciation and she slowly held it to her chest.

“Thank you,” she said to him after a moment.

“You wanted so little, Naoe. It’s the least I can do. I wanted to see you happy,” he said.

“Why? Why me?” she asked.

“Because I care about you,” he answered.

“And you deserve to be happy,” he added.

Naoe began to cry again. This time, Hazuki did move closer to her. Naoe’s head came to rest on his shoulder and they sat together without speaking again. Minutes passed and Naoe’s tears stopped but Hazuki did not immediately move away. Selfishly, feeling her against him made him feel a sense of peace that had escaped him for years. Beyond that, he felt as though she wanted him there at that moment as well.

Naoe did indeed want him there. As she rested against his shoulder with her hand still clasping the matcha kit, she felt herself pulled to him in ways that were more feminine and true to herself, and not just for the sake of her secrets she had yet to reveal. The feeling of longing blooming in her heart was strange and unfamiliar, even after hundreds of years of existence. It was something she cherished as they sat there alone beneath the stars and blossoms.

Eventually, Hazuki did move from her, but it was to fetch his burner and some water. That night, Naoe had matcha for the first time in many many many decades.