Shake Your Hips, Baby!

“What? What do you mean by ‘they’ll just lubricate my joints’?!” Maxwell asked, genuinely concerned by the innkeeper’s words.

“Oh! Don’t be so scared! You’re not the first, and you won’t be the last to go through this!” The innkeeper grabbed something from behind the counter and tossed a small bag to him. “Eat one of these before entering – you’ll need a lot of energy! But tomorrow, you’ll be able to take on new adventures with these guys, little man.”

He disappeared through another door on the other side of the counter, leaving Maxwell alone in front of what felt like the gates of Hell – what punishment awaited him behind them?

He opened the small bag to find little blue balls. He pulled one out and brought it to his mouth.

He ate it.

Then, he swallowed it.

A few seconds later, his face turned red, and he started to faint, but he slapped himself on the cheek to regain composure. After shaking his head, he felt ready – and oddly full of energy.

He gripped the handle firmly and opened the door, only to discover a shocking sight.

In front of him stood Jeremys, Matos, and Krotos, all wearing nothing but towels around their waists. Their brown hair was wet, and their muscles gleamed like freshly polished marble.

“Oh… I’m fucked!”  He thought, completely desperate.

“So you’re finally here, Maxwell! We were waiting for you!” Jeremys said, raising his arms in the air – the towel, however, fell instantly to the ground.

Maxwell let out a shriek like an innocent girl and quickly covered his eyes. Laughter erupted around him.

“Don’t worry, we’re not naked! Sorry if we scared you, but that’s not what you thought it would be.” Krotos shouted, still laughing.

Maxwell slowly uncovered his eyes and saw that the three of them were wearing only underwear.

“Oh fuck yeah… I’m safe. If they’re not naked, I’m all good then. But… why this outfit?” Maxwell thought, doubtful.

“Well, let’s not waste any more time.” Jeremys pointed at the small bag of blue balls Maxwell was holding. “I see Merlo gave them to you – that’s good. So let’s start the initiation to the Path of Muscles!”

“Is it really necessary to do this tonight?” Maxwell asked as he stepped fully into the room and closed the door.

The room was simple – four beds, two wardrobes, and a bathroom. On the ground lay all sorts of shorts, shirts…

“Dresses?” Maxwell blinked twice. “Can they really put these on? I don’t judge at all, but… the shorts were already really tight, so dresses…”

“Maxwell, this training will also help you with the quest you wanted to do, so follow our instructions and everything will be fine tonight. First, take off your shirt!” Matos said.

Maxwell nodded and obeyed, revealing an athletic build – though as muscular as them, he was not to be underestimated and had more definition than the average person.

“Can I know more about this quest? Or is it just kept as a surprise for me?” Maxwell asked, stretching his arms in preparation.

“We don’t really know.” Jeremys replied, gathering the clothes from the floor and placing them in the wardrobes. “Some quests don’t give much information beyond what’s written. Sometimes, you have to go to the location to learn more. I just heard it’s a monster to kill that uses a strong arena spell to prevent opponents from using weapons or magic – so muscles are the best option.”

“Yeah, something like that. But there’s also a rumor that if you perform a great hips dance, the monster will be immobilized for a few seconds – or so they say.” Matos added, moving the beds aside to clear more space.

“So we can assume that the monster will try to break our hips or stop us from using them since it might know its weakness. We’ll have to strengthen yours to execute the dance while we fight – we’ve got the bigger muscles, after all!” Krotos said, helping the others. “Jeremys, make the dumbbells appear – and the special ball too.”

Jeremys stepped into the center of the room, clapped his hands loudly, and closed his eyes in concentration.

“Starrl!”

As he said this, dumbbells of different sizes materialized, and a strange ball – looking like a divination orb – appeared on the floor, as if by pure magic – with no portals or everything, just like this. Maxwell’s eyes widened in shock.

“Magic? Monster? And here I thought it was a peaceful world… Well, I couldn’t be the only one with a magic wheel and expect no one else to have any magic.” He thought.

He picked one of the dumbbells to test if it was a real and began doing bicep curls.

“Oh you already knew where to start? Great job, Maxwell!” Jeremys said as they all began doing the same exercise. “We’ll start with muscle-strengthening exercises like this one – for the whole body. The blue ball will help you with that. And this big ball here is for the second part of the training – we thought of training our hips by passing it back and forth using only our hips.”

“The ball seems heavy... but I might be mistaken. They’re quite the monsters too, but they wouldn’t use a rock ball to exercise like that… right?” Maxwell thought, taking a second dumbbell to train both arms at once.

The exercises went on all night – sweat and cries of effort mixing in the room, making the walls tremble. They worked every muscle using dumbbells and their own body weight.

Maxwell struggled at first when they began the hip exercise with the ball, breaking the passing rhythm several times, but managed to the hang of it after enough repetition. With the help of the blue ball, he wasn’t tired at all, and soon, the sun was rising, light shining through the windows.

After showering, they picked up their things and went outside, greeting the innkeeper on the way. They then headed to what seemed to be a shop to buy Maxwell some proper clothes – no shorts for him just yet. He was now wearing a black shirt, brown trousers, and a long black coat that reached his feet – though he kept his sneakers.

Once done, they mounted their horses and rode toward the quest location. It was a short trip – just two hours – before they arrived.

It was a vast plain, filled with trees, rivers, and animals like sheep, cows, and wild horses. But before them was a large chain of high rocks forming an immense dome, with only a two-meter-tall entrance allowing light to pass through.

“Wait! Am I really going to fight a monster? Me, the little insignificant human who just arrived here? Fuck… the blue ball made me forget to react properly to this information… haha. Well, let’s try it. At least I’ve got strong guys to help me!” Maxwell thought, peeking from behind Jeremys’ arm on the horse.

“Give us your blue balls, Maxwell!” Jeremys demanded seriously as he dismounted.

“What the–!” Maxwell started shouting.

“Hurry up! We need some energy before the fight! You had one earlier, but we’re tired from last night, so we’ll need them.” Jeremys shouted as he tied his horse to a nearby tree, while Maxwell dismounted too.

“Oh! You want these blue balls!” Maxwell said, pulling out the small bag and handing it over.

They each took one, and after the same side effects hit them – like it did to Maxwell before – they rushed toward the entrance. The moment they stepped in, a heavy pressure enveloped them. Torches lined the walls, dimly lighting the place.

Maxwell entered last and saw his comrades charging at something – though it was too dark and too far to see what it was.

“Okay, so I have to dance, is that it? They should be fi-”

Maxwell started shaking his hips just as Matos and Krotos were thrown against the rock walls beside him, collapsing to the ground. He stared at them, shocked.

“Maxwell! Shake you hips! If you don’t do it soon, we’ll have really big problems!” Jeremys shouted from across the dome.

“But what exactly are we facing?” Maxwell whispered, eyes wide as his hips began moving automatically.

From afar, he only saw a formless mass moving, seemingly fighting Jeremys, who was taking blows from everywhere and couldn’t retaliate. Anxiety filled the air – and Maxwell’s trembling body – as he ‘danced’... if it could even be called that.

“If only we could use weapons here... Matos and Krotos are completely KO, and Jeremys won't last much longer at this rate. I’m not strong enough to take on this thing – whatever it is.” Maxwell stopped dancing and ran to Matos, slapping his face lightly to wake him. “Wake up, Matos! You and Krotos are our only hope! Because this fucking wheel won’t show up when I need it!”

CLAAANG!

“THE WHEEL IS NOT A FUCKING WHEEL! PRAISE THE WHEEL!” A familiar voice echoed behind him.

“No way... it worked!” Maxwell whispered, turning around to see the wheel in all its glory, shining brightly.

Four choices appeared on it – three large, and one smaller than the rest.

‘The Starless Sword’

‘Sweaty Men in All Their Beauty'

‘Be the Sweaty Man'

‘Skip the Fight'