Chapter 203: The Bento Box Apocalypse (and the Unholy Alliance)

I am a dead man walking. I stand in the entryway of my own apartment, my hand still on the doorknob, my other arm laden with a plastic bag that feels heavier than a black hole. The bag contains my own (delicious-smelling) kimchi bento and the three ticking time bombs Izumi calls "peace offerings."

The scene in the living room is a renaissance painting of silent, simmering rage. Rina, Haruka, and Aiwa are positioned strategically on the sofa and chairs, a united tribunal of scorn. Miki and Hana are standing near the kitchen, looking like they are about to witness a public execution (mine). Kenji is still blissfully unconscious on the floor, his face half-hidden by his (completely useless) "Rui Harem Route" analysis notes.

"You are home, Onii-chan," Rina says, her voice an impossibly calm, sweet monotone that is a thousand times more terrifying than her usual yelling. "You were gone all night. You must be very, very tired."

"I- I-" I stammer, my brain fumbling for the lie I had prepared, but it has evaporated in the face of their unified, murderous aura. "I fell asleep! On the sofa! At her apartment! Alone! I swear! She fell asleep first! It was completely innocent!"

"Innocent," Haruka repeats, her voice devoid of all emotion. She holds up her phone, displaying Izumi's triumphant selfie from the "Rui's Angels" chat. "This 'innocent' moment? The one where you look thoroughly kiss-stunned and she is holding your stolen student ID as a trophy?"

"She stole it!" I protest weakly. "And the kiss was a surprise attack! I was a victim!"

"Rui-kun…" Aiwa whispers, her voice trembling, her eyes red. "You… you slept there?" The word hangs in the air, heavy with betrayal.

"On the sofa!" I insist desperately. "The sofa! It was a very large, very comfortable, and completely platonic sofa!"

Rina just smiles, a slow, terrifying smile that does not reach her eyes. "And what," she asks, her voice impossibly sweet, "do you have in the bag, Onii-chan? Did your hostess pack you leftovers?"

This is it. The moment of truth. My hands are shaking. I have no choice. I slowly lift the plastic bag of doom. "She, uh… she made me lunch," I mumble. "And… she sent you guys… 'peace offerings'."

The words "peace offerings" seem to enrage them more than the sleepover. Rina snatches the bag from my hand before I can protest. She pulls out the four boxes. She sees the perfectly wrapped bento for me, and the three smaller, identical boxes, each one tied with a specific, symbolic ribbon. Pink for Rina. Dark blue for Haruka. Lavender for Aiwa.

"She… gave us… gifts?" Aiwa whispers, her confusion momentarily overriding her sadness.

"See?" I say weakly, grasping at straws. "She is trying to be nice! She is apologizing for the prank! A gesture of goodwill!"

Rina just stares at the pink-ribboned box as if it is a live explosive. Her hands are trembling with rage. She slowly, deliberately, unties the ribbon and lifts the lid. Inside, resting on a bed of tissue paper, is a single, perfect, beautiful cookie, decorated with immaculate icing. It is a cookie shaped like a broken heart, crudely stitched back together with thick, black icing stitches.

A low, inhuman sound, a growl of pure, unadulterated fury, emanates from Rina's throat.

Haruka, her curiosity now piqued, snatches her own blue-ribboned box. She rips it open. Inside is a cookie shaped like a magnifying glass, with a large, sugary crack right through the middle, as if it has been shattered.

"She is mocking my analysis," Haruka whispers, her voice hollow, her usual cool completely gone.

Aiwa, her hands trembling, timidly opens her lavender box. Inside is a cookie shaped like a single, perfect teardrop with a tiny, five-pointed 'Starlight Paladin' star impressed in the center.

"My… my promise," Aiwa whispers, her own tears starting to fall.

"What about mine?!" Kenji suddenly yells, having been miraculously revived by the smell of baked goods. He scrambles over and looks at my bento box, then at the three cookies of psychological torture. "Hey! Where is mine?! The loyal comic relief does not get a trauma-cookie?!"

"She is mocking us," Rina says, her voice now cold as the void. She looks at Haruka's cracked magnifying glass. She looks at Aiwa's starry teardrop. She looks at her own stitched-together heart. "She is not just winning, Rui. She is gloating."

Izumi did not just declare war. She did not just send a selfie. She sent coded, symbolic, passive-aggressive cookies to my harem. She is a monster. A brilliant, terrifying, baking-capable monster.

Rina slowly closes the lid of her box. She looks at Haruka. She looks at Aiwa. A new, terrifying, and deeply unholy alliance forms in her eyes. It is no longer a competition between them. It is a war against a common, and clearly superior, enemy.

"Okay," Rina says, her voice full of a new, chilling resolve. "She wants to play. She wants to be the villain. She wants to prove she is better than us." She opens her phone, her thumbs a blur of rage as she types in the "Rui's Angels" chat.

Rina: @CrimsonBladeIzumi YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR. THIS IS A DECLARATION OF WAR. WE ARE NOT GIVING UP. AND WE ARE COMING FOR YOU.

A beat of silence. Izumi replies instantly.

Izumi: 'War'? How dramatic. And so inefficient. All this rage is bad for your skin, Ectiqa-san. You will get stress wrinkles.

Haruka: Explain the meaning of these 'gifts,' Sato. They are a clear act of psychological provocation.

Izumi: They are just cookies. Maybe you are projecting? I thought they were artistic. Symbolism, you know? Besides, I am busy. I have a date with Rui on Wednesday. 😉

Rina lets out a strangled shriek and throws her phone across the room. It smashes against the (now color-coded) bookshelf.

"Okay," Miki says, stepping into the center of the room, her voice firm. "Rina, you owe me a new phone. Haruka, stop hyperventilating. Aiwa, stop crying. Kenji, stop eating the evidence." (He was nibbling on the corner of Haruka's cookie). "This… this troll… is clearly trying to break you."

"She will not succeed," Rina hisses.

"Agreed," Haruka says, her eyes glittering.

"W-we will fight," Aiwa nods, wiping her tears.

"Good," Miki says. "Because a new email just came in. It seems the organizers of the Winter Comicon are planning a special... 'Four Queens' panel. Featuring Ectiqa, Hime-Hime, LUNA... and Ichigo."

The final confrontation is set. And this time, they will all be on one stage.