The Day I Tore Off My Mask

It was a fine day.
Under careful nursing, my body had recovered much of its strength.

Old Madam Li returned beaming, carrying a cloth bundle in her arms.
“Girl,” she said brightly, “guess what I bought for you?”

I shook my head.

She unfolded the bundle and looked at me with tender pride.
“Something all young girls like, of course.”

Inside was a box of rouge, a wooden comb, and a small bronze mirror.

She picked up the comb and began to brush my hair.
“My girl is so beautiful,” she said cheerfully. “How can such a pretty face go unkempt every day?”

My heart softened. “Thank you, Madam Li. You’re always so good to me.”

She chuckled. “No need to thank me. You’ll have real reason to thank me later.”

When she finished combing, she dabbed the rouge onto my cheeks.
When I looked into the mirror, I saw color had returned to my face—
I almost looked alive again.

Madam Li clicked her tongue with admiration.
“So pretty. A girl like you deserves good fortune.
Everything I do, child, is for your own good.”

Then she turned toward the door and called out,
“Madam Wang, you may come in now.”

Her words puzzled me.
Before I could ask, something heavy pressed onto my shoulders.
A rough force pinned my arms behind my back.

I turned my head in shock—
it was Madam Li herself.
Her grip was iron-strong. I hadn’t imagined a farmer’s widow could have such strength.
I struggled, but she held me fast.

Following her gaze, I saw a richly dressed woman step through the doorway.
Her face was plastered with heavy rouge,
her long, narrow eyes sweeping over me like a knife.

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. So this is today’s product?”

“How is it?” Madam Li said proudly. “A fine specimen, isn’t she?”

“Indeed,” the woman said, lips curling. “A rare find.”

Madam Li puffed her chest. “Of course! I’ve worked hard for this one.”

My blood ran cold.
Now I understood.

Madam Li was a trafficker.
That Madam Wang—an old brothel keeper.
The two worked together, one snaring prey, the other selling it.

Madam Li’s kindly face had been a mask.
The motherly affection—a snare.
And I, the fool, had walked willingly into the trap.

From behind Madam Wang came two burly men.
They seized my arms, one on each side.

The two women stepped aside, whispering,
bargaining my price like haggling over livestock.

A chill spread through my heart, inch by inch.

Heaven truly had a cruel sense of humor.
I had exhausted everything—just to live as an ordinary person—
and yet even that was forbidden to me.

Then, a voice spoke within me.

“Shall I kill them for you?”

Bai Xi.
She was awake.

I shook my head. “No. This is my own business.”
Unfortunately, I said it aloud.

One of the men snarled and twisted my arm until I thought the bone would snap.
“Shut up, you little whore! You think a pretty face makes you special?
Once you’re sold to the Red Pavilion, we’ll be your ancestors!”

Sweat poured down my temples.

Madam Li and Madam Wang came back in.
Madam Wang waved for the men to release me.
“Careful, careful!” she scolded. “This one’s precious.
Madam Li, you’ve done well. Selling her will set you up for life.”

Madam Li chuckled, false humility dripping from her lips.
“Oh, you flatter me. I just wanted to send you a little fortune tree.”

They both laughed.

Inside my mind, Bai Xi’s voice whispered again:

“To offer your heart so sincerely, only to have it trampled—
doesn’t it burn?
Let me lend you my power. Let me help you take your revenge.”

“Get out,” I hissed.

The word slipped from my mouth.

Madam Wang’s face darkened.
“Oh? Such a temper. Were you talking to me?”

One of the men laughed. “She’s been muttering to herself—maybe she’s simple.”

All eyes turned to Madam Li.
She flapped her hands nervously. “No, no! She’s fine!
Just got a temper, that’s all—like a stubborn mule!
Madam Wang, you of all people should know—
some girls need a good beating before they learn obedience.”

Madam Wang sneered. “True enough.
A mule indeed. A body meant for a thousand men to ride and a thousand more to sleep upon—
and yet such attitude! Listen, girl.
From this moment, you belong to me.
If I say you live, you live.
If I say you die, you die.
If I tell you to spread your legs for a dog, you’ll do it smiling.
Otherwise, I’ll make you wish you were dead.”

I was silent for a long while.
Then I smiled—calmly.

“You’re right, Madam Wang.
You bought me.
I’ll serve you, earn silver for you.
That’s my way forward, isn’t it?”

Madam Wang’s brows lifted in surprise. “Well now, a smart girl after all.”

I nodded, then turned to Madam Li.
“Madam Li, you’ve cared for me all this time.
Thank you. But there’s one thing I must ask.”

She looked away, silent.

I stroked the small bronze mirror in my hand.
“From the very start,” I said softly,
“was your kindness only so that you could sell me one day?”

Madam Li gave a cold laugh.
“Don’t blame me for your stupidity.
Only an idiot would fall for such tricks.”

I nodded again. My voice came out hoarse.
“I see. Thank you for the lesson.”

Madam Wang raised an eyebrow.
“I expected you to hate her. To want her dead.”

“Kill her?” I smiled faintly.
“No need.
I should thank her, really—
for teaching me what the world truly is.
That no one, ever, is kind without reason.”

Madam Wang smirked. “You’re quite the philosopher.”

I shrugged. “When you’ve sunk this low,
wisdom’s all that’s left.”

Then I bent down, picked up a piece of iron wire,
and dragged it across my face.

Pain exploded.
Hot blood streamed down my cheek.
Madam Li and Madam Wang screamed.

I laughed softly. “Don’t worry. I won’t mar your faces.”

And for the first time in my life, I felt peace.

Even as I walked out the door, their shrieks echoed behind me.
In my head, Bai Xi sighed faintly.

Madam Li had been right.
I was the fool.

But some truths only reveal themselves after you’ve been beaten bloody.

Under another’s shadow, I had lived for over five centuries—
so long I’d forgotten who I was.
And without strength of my own,
even the mightiest tree couldn’t shield me forever.

Madam Li was wicked, yes.
But she had taught me a truth:

In this world, the weak starve.
Those who neither fight nor take will be devoured.

If I didn’t fight Bai Xi,
I would be the one devoured—
just soil to nourish her roots.

That wasn’t the life I wanted.

Better late than never.
I had nothing left to lose—
not even my face.

So I did the boldest thing I’d ever done.
I scarred myself.

A deep gash, from the corner of my left eye,
across the bridge of my nose,
to the right edge of my lips.

They froze, staring.
Even when I strode out the door,
none dared stop me.

Inside my head, Bai Xi’s voice lingered.

“Was that necessary?
You could have walked away without destroying yourself.”

“It’s my body,” I whispered. “I’ll do with it as I please.”

Bai Xi laughed—a low, knowing chuckle—
and fell silent.

I walked on.
Through forests and valleys,
unmarked by time or sun.

When night fell and rain came hard again,
I found shelter in a cave.
My clothes were soaked through.
Behind me came a sound—low, rumbling.

I turned.
A tiger crouched in the shadows,
its white fangs glinting like blades.

So this was it.
I almost smiled.

“You’re hungry, aren’t you?
If you want to eat me, go ahead.
Better to die in your jaws than rot in some forgotten ditch.”

I took a step toward it.

The tiger stilled.
Then, slowly, it lay down by my feet.
Its eyes gleamed faintly in the dark.
It licked my hand—warm, rough, alive.

That night, we shared our hunger and our cold.
I slept against its side.
And when dawn came, it was gone.

Far away, clouds unfurled like silk brocade.
The horizon shimmered in pink and gold,
as though the heavens had spread a quilt of light.

I walked toward it, dizzy,
my body light as down.
I hadn’t eaten in three days,
yet felt no hunger—only weariness.
A longing to sleep forever.

Then, from the fields of flowers,
a figure appeared—
walking slowly toward me.

I froze.
A man.

A human.
The kind that lies.
The kind that sells you for silver.

Panic struck.
I turned to run—
but my legs failed me,
and I fell, face-first, into the earth.