Chapter 3. Starstruck

I keep staring at the TV screen. Everything screams that this is a recorded show. The cast, younger than today. The people clearly dressed like another era. Everything is the way that it's supposed to be.

Everything except her. The mere fact that she is in front of the camera while the comedians are making silly jokes in the background is eerie.

"Akaza, why is that idol talking to me?"

"Because what you said is rude, you know? I'd consider Sayuri a great fan of mine and you should respect her hobbies. I mean, what if you collected...I don't know, water bottles. And someone told you-"

"That's entirely different!"

"Uhm...I forgot to introduce you. This is Haibar-"

"It's Hibana! Hi-ba-na!"

"Hibana Ai. She's my new friend!"

"We're not friends! She's more like a co-worker! And why is the TV talking to me?!"

"I could ask the same."

Akaza smiles as if she's introducing me to her pet cat.

"See? She's super polite once you get to know her!"

"I-" 

I look back and forth between the Akaza and the television. 

"This is wrong, this is supposed to be a recording, right? How are you-"

"Don't think too hard, Hibachi"

"That's not even a name!"

"I got it from a flea market in Akihabara. It's a limited edition!"

"Akaza, you bought a haunted idol tape at a flea market"

She raises her finger.

"Technically, she found me"

Makima laughs through the TV. 

"Well, dear. First, I'm not dead. I'm just trapped here, that's all. Second, give her a break, ok? She's special in her own way. "

"I mean yeah but a TV is-"

"Hibana Ai, you literally changed your face to one of your friends, and apologies on advance, but you saw something that looked like your mother bloom into oblivion, yet you found a talking TV odd?"

"...ok, fair point"

Sitting on her bed feels weird, like sinking into a huge marshmallow. She looks comfortable, well, enough at least, because she is crouching and talking to the TV like a lunatic.

"Is there something wrong, Hibany?"

"No... it's nothing..."

"Oh, I know what will cheer you up! Wait here!"

She leaves the room jumping.

I keep daydreaming, running my fingers on her bed. Fluffy sheets, soft...

Between laughs and bad jokes, Makima sits with the audience.

"You're the new one."

I didn't answer. Still deep in thought.

"Don't worry, I'm off duty. Being someone else's dream."

She drags a chair to the center stage, right next to another idol, performing a song.

"I believe your mother used to come to my live events. She said I sang like someone pretending not to be poor"

"Sounds like something she would say..."

"She had many friends. Back then, they used to come to a concept cafe I worked in, here in Setagaya. I wore a pointy hat; they knew me as 'The Hierophant'. We served omelets with ketchup spells. I liked it. No cameras or social pressure."

"Then why did you do it?"

"A friend of your mother told me I could sing. I was close to him. I followed his advice and here I am..."

I want to tell her she's dumb. That the choice was entirely hers to begin with, but she sounds like my mother used to.

"So how did you end up here, anyway?"

"I don't know. Back then, I'd say it was from a spell. Today, I can say it was a forbidden item, most likely."

She takes out a big prop that says "Applause" and fiddles with the edges.

"Have you ever been in a moment where you are like, 'Wow, I wish I could stay here forever'? Well, this show wasn't it. That boy wasn't here. Your mom wasn't here. Both my parents rejected my life as an idol..."

She tosses the sign, bouncing on one of the presenter's head.

"What's the point of wanting something impossible? I had everything and I wasted it on 2 hours of fame. My voice isn't even that good."

"Well... It's not bad. Just between us, you're pretty good."

"Thanks, I guess."

She sits on the corner. Her dress gets tangled and trips.

"Stupid thing..."

She rips the bottom part of her dress. I grin.

"That looks better."

She looks at me, smiling.

"Never thought I'd meet a girl with a similar vibe than me. That's nice."

The stage turns bright; everyone claps and bows down. 

"Well, I guess this show's over. Be careful. Love and regret are the same spell, just a different way to cast them."

The screen fades to black, then goes full blue. 

I don't know how to use that thing, so I just stay looking at the blue tint on the screen.

"Love and regret..."

Am I... Looking for my mother? Or do I want to recover my memory of her?

Before I could think of anything else, Akaza enters the room with butter cookies and milk.

"Here are the cookies! And I got strawberry milk, too!"

She looks at the TV while she lays the cookie tray on a nearby table.

"Oh, so it's over? Time sure flies!"

She sits on the floor, inviting me to do the same. I don't bulge.

"You don't...want to sit with me?"

I stay silent. I roll on her bed, staring at the ceiling.

"I hate you, Akaza. You literally have your idol speaking to you directly, all the money in the world. You could just... stop studying and still no one could care." 

She stays quiet. I turn to see her.

"What's up with you anyways? Why are you doing all of this?"

"Well... I thought it'd be fun"

"Fun. I'm struggling to find the whereabouts of my mother and you think this is a walk in the p-"

I stand up.

"The park!"

We both run towards the park. There are some people there, minding their own business.

Akaza follows me close, panting. 

"So now what?"

"Now we look for the item..."

"And how are we- oh, screw it. You're useless"

I go to each person in the park, asking if they have seen anything weird.

"I haven't seen anything"

"The playground is in a really bad shape, y'know? Someone should paint it"

"I'm not from around here, so I don't know."

I just keep going and going, with Akaza following me from behind, looking like if I just broke her.

Then we get to a girl around my age, foreigner. She is closing a guitar case, like about to leave.

"Hey, have you seen anything strange?"

"Besides anyone talking to me, no. Not really."

She leans on the case.

"How did you know I spoke Japanese?"

"I guessed"

She giggles and extends her hand.

"The name's Diana. I've been here for a year. Japan's quite nice."

"Sure. So. No weird stuff?"

Diana lowers her hand, weirded out. Akaza goes to the front and shakes her hand awkwardly.

I don't have time for this. I leave them be and go back to school. Alone.

Who needs a partner anyway? And how would socializing get my mother back? This is dumb.

And... why would I want my mother back? She was such a hassle, she did so much harm to me...

...I should stop thinking about this.

I get back to the library. Uzuki is there, reading alone. She looks at me like seeing a ghost.

"What are you doing here?!"

"I left Sayuri do her thing."

"You idiot!"

She pushes the desk and rushes out. I follow her out of curiosity. After running a few blocks, we reach the park again.

A small crowd formed in the park. We manage to navigate through it.

There in the middle, lies the body of a high schooler.

A high schooler I knew as Akaza Sayuri.