I Don't Get It! I Don't Understand! Why? Why Are You Doing This?

I still had time, so I enjoyed the scenery as I walked. The beautiful trees swaying to the wind, the other pedestrians walking about, and even the cars and bikes passing by reminded me of how nice today was. Just like that, I reached the library and, using my key, I entered through the staff entrance.

Kaede and Meiko sat in the lounge reading when I walked in, but quickly looked up and waved.

“Ayaka, you are a little early today. Did you not buy enough books for your birthday?”

“Meiko, I’m sure that isn’t it. Ayaka probably just wanted to re-read a few of her favorites.”

I smiled, but I didn’t quite understand.

“Why would I want to re-read anything? I still remember what I read, you know.”

“What? Ayaka, are you sick?”

“Ayaka, you should sit down, I’ll go grab a few of your favorite books for you.”

Why did Kaede run out of the lounge as if the world was ending? And why was Meiko checking my forehead like that?

“It doesn’t seem like a fever. Are you okay, Ayaka?”

“I’m fine, why?”

“Because I’m worried about you! I remember when we gave you a digital book and you cried because you couldn’t feel the paper moving under your fingers. Did something happen yesterday?”

“I’m back! I brought your favorites!”

Kaede dashed over to me and practically threw a stack of books into my arms before collapsing into a heaving pile of flesh. She really should take better care of these books. They are library property, not personal. Odd, why am I crying? I think something is missing, but I can’t think of anything that might be. Touching these books, these pages, just feels natural—almost like breathing.

“Kaede, do you think we should handle the duties today and let Ayaka rest?”

“That…”

Kaede took a few breaths, although she appeared unsteady to me. Just how fast did she run to gather these? I know this book is on the second floor, on the seventh shelf up. This one is on the third floor and this other one was recently checked out, so it must have still been in the return pile. As athletic as Kaede may be compared to the rest of us, that had to be a difficult run, especially with needing to actually carry the books with her. I appreciated the gesture, but… I didn’t understand.

“Why?”

Those words left unbidden from my lips. Why? Why did they feel such an urgent need to retrieve the books? I don’t understand. Why?

“I think I can handle the floors alone today.”

“Got it. Then I’ll deal with the counter area. Ayaka, you rest here and just read.”

“I don’t know what happened to you yesterday, but I’m sure things will get better. Just hang in there, Ayaka.”

“I don’t get it. I don’t get it! I don’t understand! Why?”

I grabbed Meiko’s sleeves, barely registering the books falling to the floor as I got up.

“Ayaka, you—”

“Why are you doing this? Is it really so weird? I still remember every word in these books. What is wrong with not flipping through the pages?”

“I can’t believe it. Ayaka let books drop onto the floor? No way.”

What was happening? Why are they looking at me in shock? I just let a few books fall on the floor. That is no big deal, right? Why was Kaede pulling out her phone?

“Ayaka, look at me. Everything will be okay. We’ll get through this.”

Meiko pulled me into an embrace with those words, holding me tightly. It felt warm, but a little embarrassing.

“Got it. Hello, is this Hoshino Hospital? Yes, I have someone here who I think might have brain trauma. She seems confused. We are at the O-Byakko Library.”

“I’m fine.”

I don’t know if Kaede heard me, but Meiko must have since she embraced me even tighter while covering my ears. I didn’t understand what the fuss was about, but by the time Meiko finally released me, I was on a gurney before I could even protest. How embarrassing.

Just like that, I was off to the hospital. I hoped this wouldn't take too long.