A Miko's Resolve

“Of course…” Miko scoffed.

She wasn’t surprised to find the talisman had fallen off again, but that lump in her throat was always there whenever she’d find it on the ground.

After staring at it for far too long, she affixed it again, pressing it firmly onto the stone forehead with a new coating of sacred paste. For added measure, she also tied it with a red string. The impurities might begin to cross. She couldn’t risk it.

She tested it, not even a storm could knock it down now.

Miko slowly slid her mother’s door open just a smidge. It’s gotten worse…

The odor was too much. She wouldn’t be able to stay long, no matter how much she’d try. It churned her stomach. Still, she wouldn’t dare suggest anything again.

The previous food tray sat untouched, slowly tainting, along with everything in that room.

“Mother… I know you’ve been lacking an appetite, but you must eat.”

Her mother’s strained whispers seemed to be in agreement, though Miko knew it was just pleasantries, just like when she’d talk to her about her mundane day-to-day routine. When had she stopped recounting them to her? She switched out the food tray for a fresh set.

“Try your best, mother.”

Miko glanced at the darkened cloudy sky. The wind had begun to pick up. She knew first-hand how leaky the shed could be, but there was no point suggesting going in to check. She stared at the stony cat once more before heading back. The talisman was secured, but her doubts remained.

***

Storms were a perplexing thing. They reminded her of Mother—providing both comfort and unease. It was heavier than she’d expected. The gusts battered against the wooden sides of the main residence, the bells of the altar chiming erratically. She swore she felt the building sway. How must the shed be holding up?

Miko stepped outside. The storm was as bad as it seemed from inside, if not worse.

Her boots sank into the mud at the start of the path that led to the shed. Why did she always stop there? That bit wasn't supposed to be routine. Heavy rain drops battered her flimsy umbrella, and only the occasional flash of lightning lighted the path ahead. The talisman was still on the stony cat's forehead, more secure than ever. The gusts of winds and sideways rain didn’t even faze it.

The shed was surprisingly holding up well, though she was sure the leaks were probably still there. A thump from within the shade grabbed at her attention.

But the sounds from within weren’t that of a leaky roof. 

...Dragging?

Miko stood like a mummy, trying her best to tune out the ferocious sounds of nature and only focus on the sounds from within. Every few seconds it came again, until it stopped, or more like, being interrupted by the sound of wet breathing.

Miko stepped closer. Her mother’s whispers were to herself, and they seemed different. They were murmurs.

She softly knocked on the door. “Mother? I just wanted to make sure you were okay…”

No reply. Not even a strained whisper. Just that wet, shifting noise returned. Something about it made her stomach turn.

A voice broke through unexpectedly.

“No worries, child… I’ve just… finally regained some of my appetite.”

Miko stepped back. Her mother’s voice was heavy; it didn’t fit her usual labored whispered tone. She was sure her mother was pushing herself to speak, it must be difficult. Perhaps it was her way of reassuring her daughter. Miko wanted to believe that, truly. But every strand of upright hair in her body said otherwise.

She didn’t linger, the storm was her excuse not to, and she didn’t dare glance back as she paced through the narrow path.

Upon return, her clothes were soaked, but Miko was too exhausted to care. She dropped them on the floor and slipped her bare skin underneath her covers. Her eyes remained wide, staring at the ceiling. The rumbling thunder was somehow soothing, but those noises from within the shed were trapped in her mind. Her eyes bloodshot as the night dragged on, she’d been awake since the previous daybreak, but rest did not come for her.

“The impurity has crossed...” Miko pressed her fingers against her forehead. It was softer than the stony cats’, warmer. It provided just enough ease to eventually drift off.

***

It felt like a blink of an eye. Before she knew it, it was time to start her usual routine. But this time, she didn’t follow it. She went straight to the shed’s path. This time, she didn’t hesitate; she already knew what was waiting for her.

Miko chuckled.

Even after securing it so well, there it was—the talisman on the ground.

She was sure it wasn’t the storm’s doing.

She picked it up and stared at it with a subtle grin. “It’s too tainted... I have to end it all.” Her eyes were fixed on the talisman in hand, but her gaze suggested otherwise, as if looking at something beyond. “I’ll burn it. I’ll… purify it.” Miko clasped it against her chest, and a sense of relief filled her face.

***

At next daybreak, Miko clapped her cheeks three times and began her day with a familiar determined expression. “All right!”

She swept the courtyard and the shrine path of fallen leaves. Fresh incense tickled her nose, but she enjoyed the sensation. By noon she’d gathered water from the spring, herbs from the forest, and prepared firewood she’d be making use of that night. She laid out ceremonial clothes; everything had to be perfect for the purification ritual.

Night arrived fast. A subtle cool breeze caressed her cheeks, but Miko’s back was drenched as she danced in front of a raging bonfire. All that Kagura practice had been worth the effort. The pain.

Her movements were intense. Her handbells rattled with every stroke.

Mother didn’t dine this time; there was no need.

Miko’s eyes glistened while she laughed and danced. Embers ran through the warming air. The tall flames casted shadows on the grounds, but it also lightened the area. The narrow trail on the side. The stony cat. The old wooden shed repurposed for mother’s use, its sliding shoji door wide open.

Waving flames shone the insides just enough to make out what laid beneath the darkness.

Inside was no one, not anymore. Only scattered bedding, dark stains on the tatami, and some remnants of long coarse white hair.

The fire roared almost as loud as Miko’s laughter, now as erratic as her kagura dance. The popping of the wood was satisfying.

So was the sound of flesh crackling in the flames.

The stony cat stood tall, illuminated by the firelight. Watching, judging. The talisman firmly affixed on its forehead.

A silhouette writhed within the flames, vaguely human in shape.

That nauseating odor was finally gone, replaced by the smell of burning flesh.

Miko danced with ferocity, yet she seemed at peace with a graceful smile and tears in her eyes. Echoes of her laughter lingered in the breeze as the darkened smoke faded into the sky.

Days passed. Weeks. Months. The shrine stood silent with only distant bells echoing. The stony cat stood tall, talisman affixed on its forehead.

It never fell again.