A Paradoxical Warmth and an Abrupt Dawn

The girl uttered my name and placed her hand tenderly upon my head. She ran her fingers through my hair, sending a chill through my body, and my lip tensed as the lump in my throat grew. Her hand drifted down onto my cheek, and she held it there for a moment before brushing away my tears. I sniffled, and she returned to petting my hair, but soon I heard a creak from above and looked up to see the girl tipping forward. She yelped as she realized she was falling, and I found myself automatically reaching out to catch her. She let out a gasp as I grabbed hold of her by the shoulders.

"Sorry," she said. "It's hard to keep myself upright." Her head was just above mine, and her golden strands of hair tickled my temple as I trembled. The position I was in did not provide good leverage, so I first lowered the girl so she leaned against my shoulder, then I wrapped my arms around her and pushed forward and upward, shimmying through the dirt on my knees until I felt the back of the chair. I started to let go, but my emotions caught up to me once more, and I was compelled to embrace the girl. She inhaled sharply in surprise, and I held her for a while before she lifted her limp arms and hooked them together around my back in such a way that she could let them fall and they would stay clasped.

"Dorian," she whispered.

"Mmhmm?"

"Did you lie to me earlier?" The question would have startled me had it been spoken in any other manner, but her voice was calm; I could sense that she smiled as she said it. "You said you didn't like me, but I think that was a lie. You really do like me, don't you?" Being teased like that got me all flustered, and I tensed up as I felt my face go red.

"I didn't lie," I grumbled.

"You didn't?"

"I just... changed my mind." I felt her arms tighten around me as she giggled softly, and though her smooth exterior was cold, the warmth of both our emotions blew between us, and through that ardent convection my body was endowed with a pleasant heat. We stayed like that, leaning on each other, with my torso bent over the side of her chair and her head rested on my shoulder, and for a while I was content to remain there forever.

"You'll really come back for me?" she said.

"I will."

"And then what?"

"I'll free you from this place, and you can come live with me."

She unlatched her hands from each other and stroked my back. "Will you hold me like this every night?"

"If you want," I said.

"...And more?" she whispered. My heart jumped, and my jaw fell open slightly as I drew in a small, sharp breath, stunned.

"Y-Yes," I stammered, "but—I mean, isn't it too early to—" I stopped, my breath hitching again as I felt the girl's head shift.

"To me, it seems far too late," she said, pressing her face against mine firmly. Her cheek, like the rest of her, was perfectly smooth, and I didn't mind the dust. I couldn't help but imagine what sorts of things she had in mind, and in doing so I even forgot that her body was that of a mannequin, and an immense feeling of guilt came over me. I cursed my rotten imagination, and my fingers and toes curled stiffly as I banished my lust from my brain to my extremities. My nails pulled at the girl's dress, and she giggled and cupped my cheek in her hand. She imitated the sound of a kiss, and I could almost feel her lips on my face before she fell limp again with a sigh.

"I don't know if I can do this, Dorian," she said. "How can I live outside with this body that can barely move? I want to stand; I want to walk..."

"I'll carry you," I said, though I wasn't sure I had the strength to do so.

"I want to run and jump. I want to climb that old tree in that orchard again."

I hugged her tight, and after thinking for a moment I turned and placed my lips against her cheek and left them there for several seconds. What else could I have done to comfort her? I couldn't give her the strength to run. I couldn't find that orchard for her. I knew well that the past was the past, and even if a place could be revisited or an old friend could be met again, the feelings of a child could never be rekindled in an adult, for everything had to be complicated by minutia—little sad truths, darknesses hidden away from the young for their protection or available to them but not yet understood.

I rose, legs shaking, and set the girl against the back of the chair. I tested my weight on the chair's arm but was unable to sit down on it, so I crouched back down, took hold of the girl's hand, and lay my head on her lap.

"It's alright," I said.

She was silent for a moment before she squeezed my hand. "Thank you," she said quietly, and I gently squeezed her hand back.

*   *   *

I woke with a start to a loud sound that reverberated throughout the tiny room. As my senses returned to me, I remembered where I was and what I was doing, and, seeing that there was a sliver of light streaming in from beneath the door, realized that it was morning, and that the sound was that of a person knocking. I leapt to my feet, forgetting my injury, and my knee buckled, sending me back to the ground with a thud. The girl jolted in reaction and started to ask me if I was alright but stopped herself so as to conceal her presence. I rose again, carefully this time, and reached for the doorknob, but I halted, remembering my instructions, and turned back to the girl, scanning the ground for the talisman. The knocking came again, hard.

A voice shouted from outside. "I hear you are in there!" It was a man with some kind of European accent. "Come out and I pay you!"

I fumbled with the talisman. "One moment!" I yelled. I glanced up at the girl. I mouthed "I'll be back," and I held her hand for a short moment before affixing the talisman for the final time. My heart pounding, I limped over to the door and opened it.

"Ah, good morning, good morning, sir!" said the man, grinning jovially. He was tall and slightly overweight, with a bushy brown beard and a bucket hat. Despite his size, he wasn't a scary-looking person, but I was nonetheless put on edge.

"Morning," I said.

He took a quick peek inside the room and switched off the light, then shut the door with a slam. "Looks good," he said. "Ehh, you look tired!" He laughed slightly and began rummaging through a leather duffel bag.

"Uh, yes," I replied.

"Here," he said, sticking out a hand full of cash. I took it and thanked him with a sigh of relief. It was a lot of money—more than enough to cover my sister's bills.

"That thing," he said, gesturing at the door. "It is a, eh, monster, you know! There was... big house, they find this thing in there. Had that thing on its head, you know, but, ehh, they were... moving it, and it fell off—it tried to, eh, kill them! That's why we, eh, don't say that up front!" He laughed. There was the man who imprisoned that sweet girl, telling me with a happy face that she was a killer. I wanted to shout at him, to punch out that smile so he could feel even a fraction of her suffering, but that wouldn't have ended well, so I just smiled and nodded.

"Go home now," he said. "We have different guard coming."

"Actually," I said, "can I take another shift?"

The man's eyes narrowed. "Hmm," he said. "Sir, aren't you scared? Did that thing, ehh, talk to you?" There was suspicion in his voice that suggested he wouldn't have been pleased to learn I had conversed with the girl.

"Talk? It can talk?" I said, trying my best to sound startled. "I—I just need the money." I watched the man's face carefully. 

His lips tightened as he analyzed my excuse. "Forget the talking," he said. "But, ehh, be careful! You come back... in morning, tomorrow!" My stress was dissolved, and I nodded and turned away from the man, smiling. I would get to see her again. I would be able to help her.

I stumbled through the dewy grass and across the cracked parking lot and slipped into my car. As I turned onto the main road, I saw a pickup truck pull in, and I prayed that the girl would be safe until my return.