My Normal Life Now Has Faeries Who Annoy Me

Since the dawn of time, faeries have existed to bring great pain to all of humanity. Though, if you asked a faerie, they wouldn’t say that: they’d call themselves humanities greatest allies. Hiding in the faerie world until they came of age, they grew up and gained wisdom—once they grew into teenagers, the Faerie Queen summoned a select few and bestowed upon them a human they must give guidance to.

These humans are no ordinary people. They carry great destinies which require this kind of heavy-handed help, and as Sarine flew up the shimmering rainbow vines leading to the Faerie Queen’s abode, she wondered what kind of human she’d be assigned to. Would they be a solemn hero? A coward needing to grow into the role? Someone confident and self-assured requiring a kick in the gnards?

As the overwhelming light of the Faerie Queen’s true form blinded her, Sarine couldn’t help her ecstasy, long black hair fluttering against nearly translucent wings, white dress swaying to and fro—she knew she would end up with the most wonderful, powerful human of them all. She’d take charge and lead them on a dangerous quest, and save a few worlds while she was at it…maybe even earn a nice, cushy early retirement?

She just couldn’t wait.

“Take me, already!” she yelled as she approached the Queen. And upon her small shoulders, she bore the role of helping someone she knew would lead a dazzling, amazing, interesting life—

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“Augh, damn it! I overslept!”

Tama Kimura shot out of bed, brown hair frazzled as she combed it into place with her fingers; throwing on her school uniform and doing the bare minimum of cleaning before she grabbed her bag and ran out the door, shoving a boiled egg in her mouth beforehand. Good thing she cooked a whole bag of those things—with her parents gone for a year, she’d be hopeless at getting breakfast down without a plan B.

Man, she missed winter break already. She could get up and head to the convenience store for a nice good meal, chow down while playing on her computer—that was the life. Unfortunately she gave into peer pressure and went to school even though she WANTED to enter the workforce, and now here she was, a second-year almost late on the first day.

She blamed her parents—all sixteen year olds did. Nevertheless, she ran with all her might, face red and sweat flying in the wind as she hurried by a blur of buildings and bodies.

She touched the school gate at the bell.

“Fuck!”

Getting a good kick in while no teachers watched, she hurried to her classroom and unluckily suffered the usual punishment of being forced to stand outside for a while before the faculty mercifully granted Tama the gift of education.

She envied students who actually got to miss the whole class as part of their punishment. As she started out the window, Tama debated her options—she couldn’t continue like this. Well, no, obviously she could, but she didn’t want to, and if she didn’t want to, who could stop her? God? Would God come down and punish her for not wanting an education she didn’t ask for!?

…Maybe she shouldn’t be betting on the divine, in case they decided to come down and enact retribution on the spot for her hubris.

Instead? She let the clouds carry her away. The swaying smears of white against the deep blue sky, the dance of leaves coasting in the breeze, the sweet scent of spring revitalizing flora and fauna alike. If only Tama didn’t miss the memo, maybe she would’ve reveled in it too.

Being a part of it too, huh? Life. Living for something, however small. However ordinary.

Tama’s life extended beyond average—it reeked of emptiness. A gaping black maw of apathy, barely passing grades combined with a Go-Home Club streak—the bell rang, and she escaped the confines of school, same as always. She couldn’t remember what the lessons talked about, homework turned into a sludge of muddled deadlines to cram in some dark, dusty corner of her memory.

The walk back home filled her with a refreshed sense of curiosity. She could breathe, now, away from it all.

Now came the only time Tama seemed interested in anything—that ‘anything’ being dinner, and all the delicious places she passed by on the walk home. Scampering in with weekly savings in hand, she stole a seat at the local diner she frequented after school: homey, floral decorated booths providing a sanctuary as she slipped in and resumed her window-watching.

Chin on hand, eyes glued to the window. Same as school, same as ever before. Ordering her usual, she wolfed down her hamburg steak with the desperation of the starved, frantically reviewing notes to feel some semblance of productivity.

“Ooooh, yes,” Tama mumbled to herself, grin pulling at the corners of her cheek, “I so got this.”

And in the midst of her studying, the light creeping up to her escaped her notice. It glided, watched—and locking in on its prey, approached.

A bell rung.

Right next to her.

Tama swatted the noise away before she glanced up, no source to be found. Just the usual chatter of the occasional family who came to visit.

…Hm. Weird. ‘Did the lack of sleep make me hallucinate or something?’, she thought. Tama did definitely stay up way too late watching random funny drama videos on people bigger than she’d ever be. Eh, whatever, maybe a little unreality would make her Literature grades go up?

Yeah, whatever. Who cared. Average life, average things. Everything stayed the same as before, each day leading into the next with nothing new whatsoever. So normal, so perfect, so—

“Boring!”

Tama fell out of her seat. A few families stared before she grappled back into the booth, grabbing the menu and using it to block the sight of the tiny human now flying next to her, hands on hips with the glare of a stern mother armed and pointed at Tama.

“You’re so—boring!” The creature ranted, red in the face. “Please, tell me this isn’t true! You’re a magical girl, right? Or a secret wizard? You have a curse? A special ability? Transported from another world? Alien? Psychic!? If you make me go through another sequence of you waking up and screwing around like I care, I’m going to kill you!”

“…Uhhhh…”

“Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.”

Tama pushed her almost finished plate towards the creature. “Dunno about all that. Ask someone else or…something. Here, take my leftovers and I’ll leave and pretend you never existed. Win win?”

The tiny person slapped Tama. Hard.

“I would if I could, asshole!”

“Hey, who you calling an asshole!? I can totally take you!”

“And you look stupid, yelling at nothing!”

“No, you look stupid, stupid!”

“No you!”

“No you!”