Christmas Eve: What Doesn't Hold Is Destined To Break

No amount of crying or praying to any god who might listen brought a stop to the coming end. Every sunrise brought Miu and Yuki closer to the date when they would be ripped away from one another. Their innocent minds had no way to process the full scope of being separated, but that did not stop rampaging imaginations from filling their mind with tragic possibilities of not being able to see one another for years. In the worst outcomes imagined, they would have to wait until Miu aged out of the system and became an independent adult who could come visit Yuki whenever she wished.

But that had to account for the fact that she’d be working as soon as she was released, since there was limited aid for those who aged out. No matter what option they imagined, it seemed insurmountable and desperate. They were just kids. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

But it was.

Thus, Miu awoke in late December with tears loaded in the arsenal of her soul and began her morning weeping as she gathered herself from the bed. The tears had run so steadily in the days since the announcement, she was surprised there was any fluid left in her system. The twitches in her arms and stomach told her that dehydration was not far away.

Even though everything was about to break, for now, her routine was the same as it always had been.

7:30 AM — Breakfast with Yuki

8:00 AM — Off to School away from Yuki

3:30 PM — Return from School and wait for Yuki

4:00 PM — Homework and Study Time, and hope that Yuki finishes before her, like he usually does.

6:00 PM — Dinner, where she could finally talk with Yuki about how his day was

7:00 PM — She could finally be alone with Yuki

On the opposite wing of the shared home, Yuki was shakily rising from his too-soft bed. Even as a teenager, he was already feeling back strain from the cheap, underpadded bedding. As he rose with a grunt and steadied his crutches, he looked at the cursed calendar hanging on a nearby wall. Their destruction was less than ten days away. But another date caught his eye. Before the end of all things arrived, there was a holiday. Christmas was in two days. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve.

Neither of them was Christian, so the holiday had no spiritual significance, but this year, it finally did. This might be their last chance at happiness. Even if there was a New Year’s festival with fireworks, those impermanent bursts of light in the sky would be the harbingers of their breaking, and he feared none of their glow would reach them this year.

But Christmas, maybe they could have one more smile. Yuki decided that would be his mission.

First, he had to get through his routine. Even though everything was about to break, for now, his routine was the same as it always had been.

7:30 AM — Breakfast with Miu

8:00 AM — Off to School away from Miu

3:30 PM — Return from School and have a few minutes with Miu before

4:00 PM — Homework and Study Time, and hope that Miu doesn’t take too long

6:00 PM — Dinner, where he could finally talk with Miu about how her day was

7:00 PM — He could finally be alone with Miu

With that mission in his mind, Yuki made his way down the hall for breakfast and to tell Miu that she would be happy tomorrow night, even if just for a moment.

“Christmas Eve?...” Miu asked with a soft smile after Yuki broached the subject.

“Yes. We can pretend like we have presents for one another. We don’t have to get anything; we can just pretend. After dinner. During alone time. We can go to one of the hideaway rooms. And we-”

Yuki stopped and was surprised to feel his eyes burning. Up till this point, he had done everything he could to hide his tears after the initial onslaught. He wanted Miu to remember him laughing and smiling. If these were their last days, he wanted her to only see him pretending to be happy. He knew that she knew it was a lie, but the tears could fall every day after January 1st for all he cared, but for this remaining sanctuary, he wanted them banished. But now they were there, defiantly cutting across his eyes and making his already shaking voice lock into a stutter.

“Sorry…” he choked as he frowned and wiped his face.

Now Miu’s tears were returning.

“It’s okay. You can cry, Yuki. I don’t mind.”

“No!” he whispered.

“I will only smile and laugh. I will not let them take that from us. I will be sad when we are no longer together. But for now, and tomorrow, let’s be happy. Let me make you smile, Miu,” he said softly.

“I’d like that,” Miu whispered as her bottom lip shook and she wiped her eyes.

The next day, it was time. After hours of laboring through schoolwork and pre-ordained tasks, the two of them were finally free. They rushed through the group dinner in the common area and washed their plates, then made their way as swiftly as possible to the hall. It was free time, and most children played video games or board games in the main living room. Some returned to their rooms for solitary peace. Miu and Yuki were making their way to the upstairs area. The spare rooms were mostly used for storage, but Yuki had once figured out the staff's keycode, so they were able to enter whenever they wished.

When the doors were closed, it was nearly silent to outsiders. If the lights stayed off and they sat out of sight, they could hide for the entire evening without being caught. So they found a room and softly closed the door, then made their way to a patch of open floor that was currently illuminated by moonlight.

Outside, snow was falling in steady volume. Fluffy, light flakes drifted silently past them as they sat on the floor with smiles of abandoned joy.

“Merry Christmas!” Yuki whispered.

“Merry Christmas. Happy birthday, Jesus,” Miu smiled.

“TTTHAAAAAANKKKK YOUUUUU,” Yuki whispered in a deep voice as he turned his head and pretended to be Christ.

His attempt worked. Miu let out an honest laugh. She almost didn’t realize it. Laughter was so foreign in recent weeks that it felt like a cough as much as a positive emotion. Yuki didn’t press it and instead quietly luxuriated in the sound of her voice. He focused and memorized that laugh, in case it was the last of hers he heard for years.

“You’re the only good thing that’s ever happened to me, Yuki,” Miu whispered.

Yuki’s eyes opened as his mind refocused. Now she was crying. She was smiling, but she was crying.

“You’re the best thing and the only good thing I’ve ever known. I cherish you. So much. I wouldn’t have made it without you,” she cried.

Once more, as much as he’d tried to banish them, tears returned to his eyes.

“Me? No, it was you, Miu. I truly wouldn’t have made it. You were my protector, and my friend, and I- I-”

There were so many things he wanted to say, but words became as fleeting as their remaining seconds together. But Yuki powered through and fought to continue the laughter.

“I- I- I got you this!” he sniffed and laughed as he held out an imaginary box as wide as his shoulders.

Miu placed Hana in her lap as she played along and received the invisible package.

“I love the wrapping! My favorite color!” she sniffed and laughed.

She pantomimed opening the box and let out an exaggerated gasp.

“It’s a coat. A full, down-lined peacoat with a hoodie built in. I got it for you in Hara-Hara?”

“Harajuku! It’s perfect. I’ll never be cold again!” Miu giggled as she threw the imaginary coat over her shoulders.

Yuki reached behind him for one more small fake package. Miu received it with both hands and smiled in waiting.

“And this is a journal. It’s from a company that makes journals for traveling. I got it for you to fill up with stories and memories of all the places you’re going to go. That we’re going to go to see together…” he smiled.

Miu bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes as tightly as possible. She didn’t want the tears this time. She wanted to play along. She wanted to imagine those days. If she could just survive until then. If they could just make it until they were old enough. Then maybe they could see all those places together. Maybe they could be warm together. Thinking of those potential warmer days gave her a slight bit of strength, and she clasped Yuki’s imaginary gifts to her chest with the ferocity of real items. Though they weren’t tangible, they were real. They were his heart and what he wished for her. Warmth, good memories, and a happy life.

Now it was her turn.

“Well, Hana and I got you these,” she said as she reached behind her to retrieve two long gifts.

Yuki received them and already had an inkling as to what they were.

“They’re new crutches. Not dented. With memory foam handles so your hands won’t hurt or blister anymore. And they’re like the ones you mentioned last year…”

“Carbon fiber mesh with titanium bracing! And they’re the blue and gunmetal colors like I mentioned!!” Yuki cheered as he fake-inspected the invisible supports.

His smile was sincere this time. She always listened to him and looked out for him. She knew when he hurt. She knew when he was faking a smile. She knew his hands were always sore. She was always there to take care of him, even when she was fraying herself. He never asked her to do that, and he didn’t want her to carry that burden, but she did. He hoped one day she wouldn’t have to anymore.

While Yuki was softly reflecting on all the ways Miu had been kind and soft and supportive, Miu shuffled her legs so that she could move closer to him. He stayed stationary with his thoughts, and it took him a moment to realize she was much nearer to him now. Even in the moonlight, he saw something was different in her demeanor. A nervous blush had filled color into her cheeks as their eyes met, and she looked away.

“And… I have one other thing for you. This one is actually real, but you have to close your eyes,” she said in a sheepish voice.

Without fully understanding, Yuki agreed and closed his eyes. His lips parted to speak, but before any words could come forth, her lips were there against his. Soft, warm, chapped, and moist where they parted. Wonder and shock flooded Yuki’s mind as a flinch of boyish joy seized his shoulders. His eyes almost opened, but he locked them shut as Miu’s mouth stayed against his for another second. Then she leaned back, and both of their eyes opened.

“Miu…” Yuki asked softly.

“I… I wanted to do that. With you. Just you. Only ever you…” she said as she looked away once more.

“Thank you. I wanted to as well. But I didn’t want to change things between us… I was afraid of maybe breaking what we had. I didn’t want to lose what we had…” Yuki said as his voice broke once more.

Now the tears were truly falling. The dam of his soul had been ruptured by the softest connection and now he was finally weeping. Sobs before him told him that Miu was as well.

Miu pulled herself to be near him once more and the two of them clasped against one another like they were the only things tethering their bodies to the earth. Warm tears ran from cheek to cheek as they both wept. This was it. Years of sorrow and hardship filled with desperate support were now coming to an end. Life’s mundane cruelty had reared its ugly head once more and an indifferent universe was about to rob them of their only true joy.

No one had ever cared for them. No one had ever truly been there for them. No one had ever wanted them. Except them. Across the expanses of youthful suffering and trauma those two lost souls had endured, they had at least found one another. But in a few days it would be gone.

That realization was now so heavy, Miu feared her heart might collapse into the soil and pull her into eternal abyss. Small, frightened fingers dug into fabric as they held to one another for one more night. 

Then an idea came to Miu.

A terrible, desperate, wonderful idea. 

In light of any other alternative beyond accepting the upcoming reality, this was their only other choice. It wasn’t refined. It wasn’t smart. But it would allow them to stay together.

“W-what… what if… what if we ran away?” Miu sniffled.

Yuki leaned back and met her gaze with frightened, but receptive eyes.

“What if we ran away tonight and never looked back?”