Chapter 10: The Panda, The Dog, and The Idiot Prince

Downtown on a Saturday is exactly as bad as I thought it would be.

It's a sea of people.

I've got my hoodie up, my hands in my pockets, and my "I will end you" glare set to maximum.

It... sort of works. People are still giving me a wide berth.

Toujo, on the other hand, is a human pinball, bouncing off everyone.

"Ooh! A crepe stand! Aoi, let's get crepes!"

"No."

"Ooh! Look! A guy doing magic! Do you think he'll make a pigeon disappear?"

"I'm about to make you disappear."

"SO MEAN!"

Rika, bless her heart, is just trying to get to the sports store. She's dragging Toujo by his shirt collar.

"Come on, Onii-chan! Aoi-chan promised! Shoes, then books, then home!"

"But Rikaaa! The world is full of wonders!"

"You're the only wonder here," I mutter. "A 'wonder-how-you-survived-this-long.'"

We finally get to the sports store.

"We'll be so fast!" Rika promises, dragging Toujo inside.

I just lean against the wall outside. "I'll wait."

I am not going into a store that smells like rubber and... effort.

I pull out my phone, intending to at least manage my quest inventory. I am surrounded by the noise of the shopping district.

There's a guy in a giant, foam-rubber panda mascot costume handing out flyers for a new bubble tea shop.

Toujo pokes his head back out the store.

"A PANDA! AOI, LOOK! A PANDA!"

"I see it, Toujo. Go away."

"I'm gonna go mess with it!"

"Don't. It's a person in a suit. They're probably miserable."

"Exactly!"

Toujo, the 16-year-old child, runs up to the panda.

"Hey, Mr. Panda! Dance! Dance for me!"

The panda just waves a clumsy, foam paw, clearly trying to ignore him.

I'm watching, bored, when it happens.

"POTATO! POTATO, COME BACK! BAD DOG!"

A voice. Shouting.

I look up.

A massive golden retriever-a fluffy, 80-pound missile of pure joy-comes bounding around the corner.

It is not on a leash.

It spots the panda.

A giant, fuzzy, black-and-white toy.

The dog's eyes go wide.

"Oh, no," I mutter.

"POTATO, NO!"

The dog, "Potato," lowers its head and charges.

WHAM!

It hits the panda mascot right at the knees.

The panda, being ridiculously top-heavy, has no chance.

"WOAH-!" the panda yelps.

It stumbles backward, its giant foam arms windmilling.

Right toward me.

I'm still looking at my phone.

The last thing I see is a giant, black-and-white shadow.

CRASH.

I am... on the pavement.

And there is a panda on top of me.

I am completely pinned under a sweaty, foam-rubber mascot.

"GET... OFF... ME...!" I roar, my voice muffled.

It's so heavy. And it smells like... regret.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

That's Toujo. He's literally on the ground, crying with laughter. "SHE GOT-! SHE GOT TAKEN OUT! BY A PANDA!"

The dog, Potato, thinks this is the greatest game ever. It's jumping on both of us, trying to lick the panda's face and my face.

"Blargh! Dog spit! Get off!"

"Oh my god! Potato! Down! DOWN! I am so, so sorry!"

The dog's owner finally runs up.

He's wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses.

He's pulling on the dog's collar. He looks at the pile.

The dog. Me (pinned). The giant, defeated panda (also pinned).

"I am so sorry!" he says again, breathless. "Panda-san, are you-?"

He stops.

He's looking at... me. Or, the parts of me he can see. My legs, and my very-recognizable long, purple-black hair, fanned out from under the panda's mid-section.

He slowly pulls off his sunglasses.

No.

It can't be.

It's Fuji Kenji.

His eyes go from 'panicked' to 'confused' to... 'oh-my-god-is-that-?'

"Isuzu... san?" he asks, his voice cracking.

The panda groans. "Ugh... why me... this is the worst..."

The panda pushes itself up, finally rolling off me.

I sit up, furious.

My hoodie is covered in dog spit. My hair is a mess. My dignity is... gone.

"YOU!" I snarl, pointing at Fuji.

"Me?!" he yelps, taking a step back. "It was the dog! And the panda!"

The panda, who is a very sweaty college-aged kid, just looks at all of us. "I... I quit." He throws his panda head on the ground and storms off.

Fuji is staring at me.

I am staring at him.

The dog, Potato, just sits down and wags its tail.

And then... Fuji smirks.

That... that... STUPID, ARROGANT SMIRK.

He's trying not to laugh. I can see it. His shoulders are shaking.

"Isuzu-san," he says, trying to sound serious. "Are you... okay? You look... a little..."

"A little what?" I hiss.

"Panda-handled," he finishes.

Panda-handled.

Toujo loses his mind. He is howling.

Rika finally runs out, sees the scene, and just puts her face in her hands.

"FUJI! KENJI!" I scream, scrambling to my feet.

"It was nice seeing you, Isuzu-san!" he yelps.

He grabs his stupid dog, puts his sunglasses back on, and runs for his life.

"GET BACK HERE, YOU STUPID PRINCE!"

I chase him for two blocks before I give up.

My weekend. My peaceful, non-empathetic, non-panda-related weekend.

It's ruined.