Chapter 6 Here's my cv, please, reject me! Part 2

The living room ceiling has a strange shape. Has it always been like that, or did I just never notice? I don't really know; I'm always in my room.

So close and yet so far away.

I'm lying on the sofa. My pajamas are soaked with nervous sweat. The poor bears look like they're drowning.

2:00 p.m. One hour until Haruka.

I only saw her photo yesterday. Coaching CEO, 24 years old, Instagram smile. That's all I know.

I get up. I could introduce myself like that. No. I just can't. Even I feel uncomfortable being so sweaty.

[2:15 p.m. - In the shower]

The hot water runs. My brain starts to build a profile.

“Haruka Yamaguchi. Life coach. Same age as me. Friend of Miki...”

“I was also voted the most inspiring entrepreneur under 25!”

I almost slip.

“What?”

“I mean, she was probably voted that. Life coaches love made-up awards.”

Is my brain creating an imaginary Haruka based on stereotypes? I mean, is normal for me, but this level of vividness is weird. I can even hear her voice. Do I have schizo...? No, no, I don't want to add more details to my damage self. For today, I'll just accept it and that's it.

“Okay, mental image of Haruka that I unconsciously created due to the level of emotional stress I'm facing today. How do I scare someone like you away?” I've never said such a long sentence before. I feel terrible.

“Mmm, coaches look for potential for transformation. If you don't show any...”

“Be normally normal. Don't be difficult. Be... simple. Flat.”

Exactly! But not too flat, or it will seem like depression and they will want to ‘save’ you."

“A balance. Apathetic but functional. What else?”

“Coaches love stories of overcoming adversity. They hate overcoming adversity!” She sounds quite cheerful.

“I can do that.” Mmmph, Haruka sounds like a very cheerful girl. I think I can easily crush that happiness if I have a more appropriate profile, so I'll need...

Physical characteristics to recognize her?" I ask and think, something strange in me.

“I'm beautiful!”

“Beautiful?” Wow, that's weird even for me. Have I ever even said that word? I think my brain is getting good at interpreting this. “That doesn't help. Height? Weight?”

“That's private! A lady never reveals her weight.”

“...” My subconscious is being weird.

“Sorry!.”

“Complexion at least?”

“Athletic but feminine. As if she did yoga but also ate carbohydrates.”

“That's... strangely detailed.” I rinse the shampoo out of my hair. “So the plan is to be the antithesis of potential.”

“A case without a case. Boring but not depressed.”

“Functional but without spark.”

“Exactly. Like—”

“Like?”

“I don't know! It's your turn!”

I turn off the water. I start drying myself.

“By the way, Shon.”

"Huh?" My subconscious is addressing me as an independent person?, this whole thing is making me lose my head.

“Was the chocolate in the fridge yours?” Crunch.

"No, that's Akari's."

Crunch. Crunch.

Did i hear something?

I dry my hair. I clean the fogged-up mirror. “ I'd recommend not touching it if you want to live— EH?” And there, in the reflection, I see Haruka sitting on the floor just outside the open bathroom door, a chocolate bar in her hand.

My whole body freezes.

“No.”

“Yes!” Crunch.

“HOW LONG—?”

“A long time! I didn't want to interrupt your creative process! It's fascinating!”

I grab the towel as a shield.

“A LONG TIME?. DID YOU HEAR EVERYTHING?”

“Everything! About the plan! Pretty good i'd to say!” Crunch. “This chocolate is incredible.”

I look at her. She is sitting in the lotus position, wearing a mint green dress, devouring chocolate as if it were air. There is something surreal about the image. Like Alice in Wonderland, but Alice is an invasive coach and Wonderland is my bathroom.

“Why me?” I ask the universe.

“Because you have potential!” Haruka replies.

“I don't want potential. I don't want blondes eating chocolate looking at me while Im taking a bath.”

“I wasn't, I'm a lady" She touches her face with both hands "But here we are!” Final crunch. “Oh oh. It's over. But now I've got plenty of energy to help you!"

"I don't need help. In fact, YOU CAN GET OUT OF HERE NOW."

"Everyone needs help!" She ignores him "Even those who help others! She stands up, wrapping in hand. That's why I came early!"

"Too Early! It's 2:30. Your appointment was at 3."

“Half an hour is being punctual! An hour is being proactive!”

“An hour?”

“Or more! Time is relative when potential is involved.”

There's chocolate on the corner of her smile. Something doesn't add up. She gets up and disappears for a moment, “I got you some clothes!”

“What?”

She comes back with an outfit: black jeans, gray T-shirt, black hoodie. Simple. Comfortable. 

“This doesn't justify you,” I take the clothes with one hand while holding the towel, “and for something you chose, it's a little... uncolorful.”

“This was my first choice!”

She pulls a lemon yellow sequined outfit out of a suitcase.

“...” She's worse than I thought.

“It has your name embroidered on it! Look: ‘ShonImproving’!”

“Please stop.”

“But it's so motivational! Maybe too much. I also brought...”

She pulls out more options: a pink suit, a neon outfit, something with feathers(?).

“Why do you have all this?”

“I always come prepared! You never know when someone will need a radical makeover!”

I grab the clothes. “Thanks,” I mutter.

Dark, simple...

“Agh,” I groan, “can you get out of the bathroom?”

 Even i feel uncomfortable around Haruka, i have to give her a point for that.

"Sure thing" She says closing the door "But i have to say, Reina and you had good chemestry, i also think words are no necessary from my part, you have the job! Yay"

"You listen to all the conversation?"

"Well, Reina was so talkative i cannot control myself, when she get close and confess--"

"Wait, you also see?"

Haruka suddenly falls silent.

“Non! I don't hear or see anything!”

“...” I feel very, very uncomfortable. How much does she know? Where was she hiding, watching? What's exactly is Haruka?, a stalker?.

“I feel like you're disrespecting me,” she says, somewhat angry. “Anyway, it's time for you to get dressed! Nudity has zero potential for serious conversation!”

"..." Shame on me but i agree with Haruka

I go to my room. I get dressed. I take a deep breath.

Chill. Regain control. It's just another weird person in your weird life. You can handle this.

I go out. Black jeans, gray T-shirt, black hoodie.

Haruka is on the couch, reorganizing her suitcase for the fourth time. The chocolate wrapper on the table is proof that I didn't dream the bathroom interaction.

I sit in the armchair. Strategic distance.

“Haruka.”

“Yes?”

“Explain to me exactly what you saw, when you arrived, and why.”

My voice is calm. Apathetic interrogation mode activated.

“Oh! Shon the NEET is back! I like him better than panicked Shon.”

“Answer me.”

She sighs. She settles in. For the first time, I see her energy level drop a little.

“I arrived at 11:45. The door was ajar. I was going to knock, but I heard voices. Reina explaining about Pareto. Questions, etc... It was... potential!”

“And you stayed there spying?”

“Not spying! Observing. It's different.”

“There isn't any.”

“Well. Maybe not. But Shon-kun,” she leans forward, “what I saw convinced me. You're perfect for this.”

“Perfect?”

“Exactly! Perfect for the job, but...” She stands up, paces in circles. “But I'm fair. I'll give you a chance.”

“What chance?”

“The chance to NOT be chosen! Convince me you're the worst option. Sell yourself... backwards.”

I look at her. Is she serious?

“Why would you do that?”

"We can't lose what we made on the bathroom"

"Can we not talk about that, like, ever?"

“I love creating opportunities." She again, ignores Shon "Even opportunities to fail. I am hope, Shon-kun. I believe everyone deserves a chance.”

So, she is serious about this, this can be my one and only opportunity, to disgust the CEO, because if i can make one flee, i can make the same with the other one

think, Shon, think. 

Haruka expects me to list my flaws. Something like:

“Okay. Reason one: I'm a NEET. I don't go out. I have no social skills.”

But if I didn't misunderstand all of Haruka's energy, her most obvious response will be a direct and contradictory answer. With all these flaws exposed, she will respond with something like:

“Perfect for making suitors uncomfortable!”

And we will repeat this eternal cycle of talking about the five main flaws (money, social life, etc...) of Shon the NEET (professional NEET, btw).

No. I need another angle. I think... Yeah, this can work, actually!

“I'm a NEET,” I begin.

“Perfect for—!”

“And you're a life coach.” I continue without pausing. “Do you know what we have in common?”

“...What?”

“We both sell smoke. I sell the illusion that I don't care about anything. You sell the illusion that everything has potential.”

“That's not—!”

“Do you know what a self-fulfilling prophecy is?”

Haruka blinks. “What?”

“A teacher receives a list of ‘brilliant students’. He pays more attention to them. He encourages them more. They improve. At the end of the year, they are the best. Surprise! the list was random. The students became brilliant because someone decided they were.”

“And so what?”

“Now reverse the experiment. A list of ‘problem students’. Less attention. Less encouragement. They become what the label promised.”

I look at her.

“You're 24 years old. CEO. Life coach. But everyone you meet already has your label ready: ‘too young,’ 'too energetic,‘ 'phase she'll grow out of.’ You're not Haruka. You're ‘the girl who plays at business.’”

Silence. She's processing.

“And the more successful you are, the louder they shout that it's luck, that it's temporary, that you need to calm down. Your energy isn't energy. It's ‘immaturity’. Your optimism isn't philosophy. It's ‘inexperience’. Your company isn't an achievement. It's ‘an expensive hobby’.”

“That's not—”

Now let's switch to our situation.

“A soccer player father and an artist son. The father sees his son's drawings: scribbles. The son sees his father's games: noise. Neither is lying. Neither is right. They just live in worlds where the other doesn't exist as a whole person. Only as mutual disappointment.”

I settle in.

“The father will never proudly tell his athlete friends ‘my son the artist’. He will say ‘my son draws’ apologetically. The son will never say in his artistic community ‘my father the athlete’ with admiration. He will say ‘my father watches sports’ with shame.”

I look at her directly.

“Reina walked in here three hours ago. She looked at me and saw me in my pajamas: NEET. Labeled. Ignored. Thirty minutes of invisibility. To her, I was background noise until I was useful. Just like the artist son is noise until he wins an award.”

“And me?”

“You came in knowing the label. ‘Shon the parasite, I guess you had a me silly name like attempt #44 or something like that.’ Shon stops her before she can react. ”Don't bother, I assumed it was something like that because I got like 44 silly challenges from my sister, but that's not the point"

"You've already decided who I am. Just like everyone decides who you are before they even meet you. ‘Haruka the hyperactive coach.’ End of story."

“It's not the same—”

“It's exactly the same thing. You think, ‘I'm Haruka Yamaguchi, successful CEO. He's a parasite.’ And you're right from your world. But your father thinks, ‘It's Haruka, she needs a stable husband’ from his. Suitors think, ‘beautiful woman with a good body and money.’ Everyone reads the label. No one reads the person.”

Pause.

“We all live in different worlds believing that ours is the only real one. At least I admitted that my world is shit. You keep pretending that yours is universal.”

“That's—”

"Cruel? No. Cruel is that you sell ‘unlimited potential’ when you yourself can't reach yours because you live in your father's world where your potential has limits. Where being CEO at 24 isn't enough. Where you need a man to be complete."

I lean back.

"You underestimate me like a father underestimates his artist son. Natural. Human. But at least the son knows his father doesn't understand art. You think you understand everything because your job is to ‘understand people.’"

“I do understand—”

“What do you understand? That I'm wasted potential? How fun it is to fix Shon the NEET? How can a NEET ever measure up to a CEO?”

Silence.

“You see,” I continue, “you don't see me. You see what you would be if you stopped fighting the labels. And I terrify you. That's why you need to ‘fix’ me. To prove that giving up is not an option.”

I look at her wearily.

"But here's the secret: I didn't give up. I chose to give up. There's a difference. You don't choose. You just react to what others say you are or aren't."

“So who is freer?”

“The promising young star Haruka Yamaguchi?”

“Or a self-proclaimed NEET with four years of experience?”

“Tell me, coach.”

Haruka sits down. The energy deflates like a punctured balloon.

She stands up. She walks. The mint green dress moves as if it weighs tons.

“You know what? You're right. I didn't take you seriously, also no one takes ME seriously. Not my father, not other CEOs, not even my suitors. They come to ‘Haruka the happy coach’ and think ‘how cute, how energetic, what a beautiful body, what a good wife she would make.’”

“And that's why you need someone to scare them away. I need someone to show them that I'm not a ‘wife’.” She looks at me. “But you don't want the job.”

“No.”

“Not even after understanding everything so well?”

“Especially after that. I don't want to be anyone's tool. Not Reina's, not yours.”

“...but you agreed with Reina...” she says, puffing out her cheeks and looking a little upset. “Besides, I wouldn't treat you badly. What if you weren't a tool?”

“What else would I be? An employee? A friend? An acquaintance? Someone close? It's not that easy, because as a NEET, I could never be any of those things to a CEO, from the moment they thought of me as something useful and not as someone nice or fun (not your fault) to have around.”

More silence. This image of a calm Haruka is even somewhat bleak and uncomfortable.

She approaches. But not like before.

This time it's different, calculating every step, I get a feeling of deja...

“I'm going to seduce you.”

I blink. “vu?”

“I'm going to seduce you. To prove to you that I see you as a person. That you're not just Shon the NEET, but Shon my suitor destroyer.”

“Haruka, that's not—”

She sits down on the sofa in front of me. She crosses her legs. She puts on an expression that she probably practices in front of the mirror.

“Hello,” she says in a voice that's meant to be sensual but sounds like a commercial, “do you come here often?”

“...Are you quoting a movie?”

“It's seduction! Men tell me that all the time!”

“With such a bad pickup line, I'm not surprised you don't like any men.”

“Then this!” She lifts her hair, lets it fall. “Sexy, right?”

“Are you hot?”

“THIS THEN!” She comes closer. She sits next to me. Very close. She doesn't touch me, but... she's there. Aggressively existing nearby.

“What are you doing?”

“Seducing you! I'm here, being beautiful, close to you! Don't you feel the... the thing?”

“The thing?”

“The tension! The chemistry! The potential!”

I look at her. I really look at her. And I understand.

“Haruka. Do you think being close to someone is seduction?”

“It works! Men always come closer—!” She says angrily.

“You exist close to them. Them coming closer, that's not seduction, it's more like they interpret it as you being interested in them, but nothing really serious.”

“But... but then I never...”

“You've never seduced anyone. You've just... been present while others seduced themselves with their fantasy of you.”

She walks away. She sits at the other end of the sofa.

“That's the saddest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“Sadder than a stranger watching you bathe while is eating chocolate?”

“Uhg—” Haruka's eyes water. “I didn't mean to—”

The door, which was ajar, swings open completely.

Reina enters, tears of laughter in her eyes.

“SEDUCE?” She can barely speak through her laughter. “IS BEING NEARBY YOUR TECHNIQUE?”

“REINA! WERE YOU—?”

“YES, LIKE YOU SPYING ON ME!” Reina leans against the wall. “PLEASE! That was WORSE than me HAHAHA!”

“AT LEAST I DIDN'T LOOK LIKE A ROBOT!”

“AT LEAST I TRIED SOMETHING! YOU LITERALLY ASKED HIM TO SEDUCE YOU!”

“IT'S A VALID TECHNIQUE!”

“AND INEFFECTIVE!”

I sink into the couch. My apartment has turned into a circus. A circus of CEOs who are incompetent at seduction?

“Can you fight somewhere else?”

“NO!” they both say.

Of course not.

“AT LEAST I TRIED SOMETHING PHYSICAL!” Haruka shouts.

“AND IT WORKED WONDERS, DIDN'T IT?!”

“At least I have Shon working for me. He chose me.”

“Excuse me?” Haruka turns to me. “You chose him?”

“No—”

“Yes, he did,” Reina crosses her arms, superior. “This morning. He accepted my proposal.”

“Technically,” I interrupt, “I never specifically accepted your proposal.”

Reina blinks. “What?”

“I agreed to help my sisters.”

“But... but you said—”

Haruka starts laughing. “You have no one!”

“Neither do you,” I remind her.

They both look at me. Twenty-four-year-old CEOs reduced to confusion.

I don't want to help them.

Honestly, there's NOTHING I want less than to help these two disasters with money.

But...

I promised my sisters.

Damn sisters and their damn emotional blackmail.

“I'll help you,” I finally say. “Both of you.”

“Really?” Haruka beams.

“Both of us?” Reina calculates.

“Thursday. Suitors. What you agreed to. But—”

I can't finish because they both hug me. At the same time. From opposite sides.

I smell expensive perfume and sweet chocolate. I feel corporate power and chaotic energy.

It lasts exactly two seconds before they realize they're touching each other.

“LET GO!” they both yell.

“YOU LET GO!”

“I GOT HERE FIRST!”

“I NEED HIM MORE!”

“You can let go of me—” I try.

They look at me. That look. The battle mode CEO look.

“You don't talk,” Reina says in an icy voice.

“Silence,” Haruka adds with sudden authority.

It's terrifying. They're two women my age, but they project the power of a thousand people. I think this is the first time they've shown themselves as CEOs. My body freezes. I can't move. I can only exist under their combined pressure.

They're about to continue their war when—

The door SLAMS.

Akari and Miki enter.

The aura they emit is...

My body reacts out of pure survival instinct.

THUD!

I throw myself backward. On my back on the sofa, arms and legs up, stomach exposed. Total submission. Like a dog showing it's not a threat.

“Shon?” Reina and Haruka turn around, confused by the sound.

But then they FEEL what I already felt.

“REINA KUROSHIMA.” Akari uses the full name.

“HARUKA YAMAGUCHI.” Miki smiles. That smile.

Both CEOs instinctively back toward where I am. They see me in a position of total surrender.

“What's wrong with him?” Haruka whispers.

“Emergency,” I murmur without moving. “Don't look or talk to me. I'm furniture.”

“Akari! I was coming, but—!” Reina tries, using my surrendered body as a partial shield.

“YOU DIDN'T COME BACK. It's been FIVE HOURS.”

“Miki-chan! The crisis—!” Haruka crouches down a little behind me.

“YOU LEFT ME ALONE. With FIVE FURIOUS customers.”

“To The Room,” says Akari.

“You two,” specifies Miki.

“The... room?” Haruka doesn't understand.

“What room?” Reina is confused.

From my position of maximum submission, I don't say a word, but just mentioning the... Shon starts sweating profusely but doesn't move.

The calm Shon's agitated state sets off the CEOs' alarms.

“You can't lock us in!” protests Reina.

“We're adults!” adds Haruka.

“The furniture can stay,” says Akari, with the face of a serial killer. “It's not your fault after all.”

Thank God, or whatever is watching over me up there, but even so, I won't move, I won't take any chances. If I move, they might change their minds.

“You two. NOW.”

“You two. NOW.”

The sisters sing in unison.

What follows is something I cannot fully describe. My younger sisters somehow manage to escort two millionaire CEOs into the room.

The Room.

Dear reader, there is a phrase at the entrance to Dante's Inferno: “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.” That phrase should be on the door to the room.

I cannot describe exactly what the room IS because to do so would be to give shape to the void. It would be to limit the limitless. For Christians, it would be hell but without the mercy of eventual death. For atheists, it would be proof that there is something worse than non-existence. For Buddhists, it would be samsara condensed into square meters.

It is a space where you learn that time is an illusion, but an illusion that can hurt. Where silence screams. Where light exists but does not illuminate. Where you reflect not because you want to, but because there is literally nothing else to do except face your own consciousness.

My sisters called it “The Room.” Their masterpiece, for dealing  with experts NEETS.

The capital letters on the 'T' and 'R' are necessary.

I've spent time there. I came out... different. Not better. Not worse. Just... aware that there is something capable of breaking even the strongest. I'm not afraid of anything in particular, but that thing... well, The Room is not for normal humans.

And now two 24-year-old CEOs are about to meet it.

May God, the universe, or whatever entity you prefer, have mercy on their souls.

The door closes. Click. Lock.

I remain in my position of submission for another five minutes. Just in case.

[45 minutes later]

The door opens.

Silence.

Reina comes out first.

No.

Reina emerges.

Her suit is still impeccable, but she... she is different. Her eyes have seen something. Something that should not exist in a home. She walks as if she has forgotten that gravity is constant.

Haruka follows her.

There is no energy. There is no smile. There is no “potential.” She just exists. As if she had learned that existing is already enough effort.

They both look at me. They don't speak. They can't. Or they don't want to. Or they learned that words are unnecessary in the face of certain truths.

They sit on the sofa. Mechanically. As if their bodies remembered the protocol but their minds were still... there.

“...” Reina opens her mouth. She closes it.

“...” Haruka raises her hand as if to speak. She lowers it.

“Water?” I offer.

They nod. Small. Fragile. As if the movement could break something.

I bring them water. They drink. Slowly.

“The light,” Reina finally whispers.

“The silence,” murmurs Haruka.

“The Room,” they both say.

“I know,” I reply.

“How...?” Reina doesn't finish the question.

“Did you survive?” Haruka completes it.

“I didn't survive. Once you enter The...” The both of them seems scared of was i going to say, even myself

"Well, there, You never return the same"I point to my whole being. "You can't survive something that doesn't destroy you. It just makes you aware."

They look at each other. For the first time without competition. Just... mutual understanding. Survivors of the same existential shipwreck.

“Your sisters,” Reina says slowly, “are...”

“Terrifying,” Haruka finishes.

“Yes.”

Silence. But not uncomfortable silence. It's the silence of someone who has shared something indescribable.

“Never,” says Reina in a CEO-like tone, “NEVER make your sisters angry again.”

“Never,” agrees Haruka, without the energy to emphasize it.

“Wise decision.”

[And so 30 minutes passed]

“So Shon-kun accepted!” Haruka, partially recovered, talks to Miki.

“It'll be perfect for the suitors,” adds Reina, chatting with Akari.

My sisters smile. Genuinely happy. Their bosses/friends also seem more relaxed.

I'm in the corner with my headphones on. The same ones I couldn't wear to the family dinner on Saturday. With the music loud enough that I can't hear the details, but low enough that I seem present.

I watch them interact. Four successful women in their twenties planning to use my existence as a weapon, and yet.

Life is a poorly constructed equation where X always equals suffering.

But sometimes...

Sometimes suffering comes with an unexpected variable Y.

Miki sees me and smiles. That real smile she only makes when she's genuinely happy.

Akari gives me a thumbs up. Her way of saying, “Thanks for not ruining this.”

Variable Y, like sisters who, for some incomprehensible reason, believe in you.

And even Variable Z, like crazy CEOs who see value in your anti-value.

Variables that make the equation, even if it's still suffering, at least suffering with... Y and Z?

Right?

Reina and Haruka look at me. They silently mouth “thank you.”

I pretend not to see. But I see.

And for the first time in a long time, I think:

Maybe leaving my room isn't so bad when others need you specifically.

Maybe.

I sink further into the corner. Thursday will be hell. But at least it will be a hell that will make my sisters happy.

Ahhhhh, so here we go again

My name is Shon. 24 years old. Older brother. Dark brown hair that I haven't cut in months. 5'9" of wasted potential. Professional NEET with four years of experience.

And apparently...

Apparently im stuck with this two until...

...until...until?....UNtil?!

Wait wait wait

Two young beautiful CEO = Tons of SUITORS every DAY = SHON CORPORATE SLAVE 4EVER

eh?

EEEEEEEEEEEEEH?

now I'm stuck in a job I didn't want because

Two Millionaire Women Want Me.

Two millionaire women? 

REINA?! crazy, that girl is crazy

HARUKA?!  she is definitly crazy, crazy, crazy

On second thought...

I Just Want To Get To My Room Again.

End of arc 1- Double employment for a NEET

 ...XxDarknessMaster2003xX: Come here with uncle PIGGY, cry on my shoulder, they reject you so hard, didn't they? oh, poor thing...

...Shon: Actually they both, hired me...

                    ...XxDarknessMaster2003xX: eh?

                                 ...Shon: And they both confess her love to me, technically...

                                         ...XxDarknessMaster2003xX: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH?...

XxDarknessMaster2003xX was never the same again.