Don't Feel Myself

“I can’t feel my legs.”

Mele repeated herself, and Fali could only stare, dumbfounded. The warmth that had filled the room moments earlier was gone, replaced by a chilling dread.

She pushed the sheets aside, her hospital gown ending just above her thighs. Fali tried not to stare as she reached down, brushing her fingertips against her skin.

“I can’t feel it,” she whispered. “Fali, I can’t feel it.”

Tears welled in her eyes as her face twisted with effort.

“I… can’t… move them either.”

Then another shock hit her. She raised her left hand and tried to wiggle her fingers. Her ring finger didn’t move. She glanced helplessly at him as tears spilled freely down her cheeks.

“My… my ring finger… on my left hand…”

The realization hit Fali like a blade to the heart. There were two reasons that finger mattered so deeply.

First, it was essential for her guitar playing - without it, she couldn’t perform most of the songs that had made her famous.

And second - perhaps even crueler in her own eyes - that was the finger where an engagement ring would go.

Now she couldn’t use it.

A sob wracked through her body. She tried to form words, her voice trembling between breaths.

“Fali… how… how will we…”

Her voice broke entirely, collapsing into tears. She buried her face in his shoulder, sobbing.

“It’s not fair… it’s not fair…”

Fali wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight, desperately searching for words - anything that might ease the pain.

“It’s okay… you can learn to play other ways…”

“I don’t care about that!” she cried. “I only care about us… and everything we can’t do now…”

He wanted to tell her it might not be permanent - but neither of them believed that.

“There’s still so much we can do…”

Her sobs didn’t lessen.

“I wanted… I wanted to run that little shop with you… I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you…”

His heart skipped.

“You did?”

She nodded weakly, her forehead pressed to his shoulder. He could feel her tears soaking through his shirt.

“I did… I really did… but now I’m useless…”

Fali’s mind sparked to life, faster than ever.

“You’re not useless. You’ll never be useless, not to me.”

Her crying softened into shaky breaths.

“…Really?”

He nodded, stroking her hair, the strands messy and warm beneath his hand.

“Of course. You mean more to me than anything in the world. I mean it.”

And he did. He had spent every hour of her coma wrestling with the thought that he might lose her. He’d come to the conclusion that if he could give up anything - even his own life - to save hers, he would. He had wished, more than once, that he’d been the one to take the bullet. Now that she was awake, that conviction hadn’t changed.

“Th-thank you…” she whispered.

They slowly parted. Mele rubbed her eyes, smudged with tears.

“But… I’m afraid I’ll need to be taken care of now…”

Fali smiled faintly.

“I don’t mind that. Not at all. In fact, I think that’s kind of romantic.”

She blinked, confused.

“Romantic…?”

He nodded, smiling softly.

“Yeah. I love the idea of looking after you. Taking you places, showing you things, cooking for you. Being there.”

She tilted her head, picturing it, and for the first time since waking, she smiled faintly.

“Yeah… I suppose that doesn’t sound so bad.”

“But,” he said, his tone suddenly firmer, “there’s one condition.”

She blinked again.

“A condition?”

“Mhm. You can’t give up. You have to keep fighting for whatever you can. Don’t give up on the things you love. Keep playing guitar. Keep singing. Keep dreaming about our shop. Can you do that for me?”

She sniffled, smiling through fresh tears.

“Yes… yes, I can do that. I can.”

Then the sobbing returned, and they fell into each other’s arms once more, clinging to the one thing neither of them had lost - each other - as they waited for the doctors to arrive.

The doctors left, and it was just the two of them again.
Mele leafed through the stack of papers they’d given her, packed with information about her treatment and recovery. The bandages around her lower belly pressed tight - a constant reminder of what had happened.

She knew the nightmares would come.
She knew she’d been marked by something deeper than the wound - an invisible scar that would stay long after her body healed.

And she knew the conversation with Fali would have to happen eventually - the one she wasn’t ready for yet.

So instead, she spoke aloud as she read, and Fali listened quietly from his seat beside the bed.

“...and the purchase of a wheelchair is highly recommended.”
She lowered the papers, frowning.
“Where do you even get one of those?”

Fali shrugged, smiling faintly.
“No idea. We’ll have to ask.”

She nodded and continued scanning the pages, her mind wandering.
“I’m surprised we’re not being swarmed by journalists right now.”

He gave a small chuckle.
“I told them to respect our privacy while you were here. So far, it’s working. Guess they’re scared of getting arrested.”

She laughed softly.
“I wish we could use that excuse all the time.”

“So do I,” he said. “But they won’t listen once we’re out in public again.”

She sighed.
“We should just disappear again.”

“Back to the house?”

“Yeah,” she said, nodding. “I don’t think I can handle being fussed over when I can’t even move around. I just want to fade into obscurity again.”

He smiled.
“Fair enough.”

Then he laughed.

“I wish it were that simple.”

She tilted her head, a teasing grin forming.
“Come on. I’m sure you have an idea.”

“Not really,” he said, shrugging. “I’m working on it.”

“Penny for your thoughts?”

He smiled.
“I was thinking... whatever shop we open, we make one rule, no photography. Anyone who breaks it doesn’t get served.”

She raised her brows, considering it.
“...That could work.”

“You think so?”

She smiled.
“Worth a shot.”

He laughed.
“Fair point. Looks like we’ve got a plan, then.”

Her grin widened.
“Hey, when I get out, let’s go straight back to the village and go on a date. I think we’ve earned one.”

“I agree,” he said warmly.

Her expression turned mischievous.
“And then we can kiss again, but this time in public, so no one has any doubts.”

He lifted an eyebrow.
“What are you, an advocate for public displays of affection?”

She looked away, feigning innocence.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Yeah, she definitely likes it, he thought, fighting back a smile.
He couldn’t wait for her discharge.