His Resolution

Ryu isolated the recyclable trash in a blue plastic bag. Once in a while, he groaned and shook his head when the urge to kick Hattori culminated, for Hattori mixed everything in one trash can. Then, he quickly realised his position as a rent-free resident in Hattori’s apartment. Today marked the second month of his free stay.

When he finished separating the trash as a part of his morning routine, he brought them out and headed to the provided space. Hattori lived in an elite neighbourhood. It expounded the school kids who wore different uniforms than those Ryu usually saw in his neighbourhood. The nights, too, were quiet here. 

Once, a neighbour celebrated their daughter’s birthday and threw confetti with several party poppers. Their laughter was mirthful; it reminded Ryu about birthday celebrations he always looked forward to when he was young. However, a few minutes later, two cops turned up and requested the family to lower the volume down. As the family lived next door, the short interrogation was audible from the entrance, and Ryu eavesdropped on them. 

Meanwhile, Hattori remained unbothered and drowned in his summer course assignments. The cops sounded guilty to be the party pooper, yet the family understood and endlessly apologised. On the next day, all the nearby neighbours received a box of expensive sweets, including Hattori. Ryu was stupefied.

“Serve them right,” Hattori bluntly interjected while Ryu was telling Takaya and Kenji about the incident. “They knew the rules yet dared to make noises after 9.30 P.M. They were asking for it.”

Kenji blinked in awe. “But still, that was quite extreme.”

Takaya stayed silent and devoured the third Taiyaki. He bought twenty pieces of fish-shaped sandwiches with various fillings and planned to eat as much as he could. Let the boys rant about life, Takaya just wanted to fulfil the craving that he held for so long.

Hattori scoffed and got up from the couch, snatching the air-conditioner remote and lowered the temperature. When it was only him and Ryu, they preferred 25°C. Now, the thick-skinned Takaya was here, that unkind man would complain and accuse Hattori of being a miserly person. Hattori closed the blind as he stood in front of the balcony sliding door, and cumbered the evening rays. The living hall became so dark that Ryu quickly got up from the zabuton to switch on the light.

“Ryu,” Takaya called him with a mouth full of Taiyaki, “I heard that Ken-kun and Tori-kun had met Mayuka. When will you introduce her to us properly?” He whined and fed himself a small piece of red-bean-paste Taiyaki. “Tori-kun, water please!” Hattori rolled his eyes.

Mayuka. Ryu’s shoulder flattened as he settled himself back on the zabuton. It had been a week since he left the note and returned her key. He also blocked her number and all kinds of communication. Therefore, hearing her name shattered his heart. 

Mayuka. Tsukushi Mayuka.

Kenji waved both hands at Takaya in disapproval. “Ta-kun! It’s Tsukushi. Tsukushi!”

“They broke up.” Hattori placed a big bottle of cold water on the table and four plastic cups before throwing himself on the couch. He conquered the whole sofa with his long legs which left no space. Fortunately, there were many zabutons for the guests.

As to how Hattori reckoned, Takaya and Kenji were astounded by the news. Takaya was in denial as he recklessly grabbed his phone and rushed to view Ryu’s SNS. His forehead furrowed in uncertainty when the post about Mayuka was still available. It was only shadows on the road of Mayuka who leaned her head on Ryu’s shoulder. Although the picture did not exhibit any face, the caption was about her. ‘Walking her to the cram centre feels like going back to high school time. Good afternoon, Mayuka Sensei!’ Ryu did not have any history with girls, and only Mayuka was a future teacher he was dating.

Takaya scrolled down further and found another picture of them with a couple mufflers during the previous winter. This particular post with the caption ‘My significant other’ had surprised the three of them and poked fun at Ryu during their group calls. And that was it. Those were the only posts that Ryu made on his account about Mayuka. He has not deleted them, and it confused Takaya. “I-I can’t believe it… like… Why? When?!” Takaya questioned, frustrated as he had not met Mayuka.

It was onerous to comprehend the sudden separation when Ryu never talked about Mayuka. For Takaya, he imagined Mayuka as a person with a bubbly personality and spoke with an adorable pitch.

However, for Kenji, who had bumped into Mayuka once, he assumed that they were incompatible. Mayuka was so distant and inexpressive. He also deduced that she might not be a good listener. Worse, an impertinent lady. Ryu was talkative, passionate, and gentle. Kenji himself admitted that he would never date someone like her, no matter how attractive she looked. Nevertheless, it still bewildered him that they broke up. 

“Ryu, what happened?” Kenji asked carefully, putting aside his hypothesis that could lead to a groundless allegation.

Ryu was in silent despair. Hattori had asked him similar questions when he barged into his apartment, persuading Hattori to let him stay here. The only thing that he disclosed was a painful break-up. Ryu looked miserable, and Hattori knew that his friend was not abrupt enough to spew his heart out. He needed time and reassurance before he began. 

Who started it, what led to it, how did it go wrong, those riddles were playing on Hattori’s mind, yet he could only wait; while waiting for that moment, a week flew by. Just like that.

Hattori noticed the unbearable torment Ryu concealed through his silence and impassive face. He patted Kenji’s shoulder softly and shook his head at Takaya as a sign to leave Ryu some space. The boys instantly fathomed his gestures. Kenji poured some water into the cup and handed it to Ryu. The inquiries ended there and were never brought up again.

“Morning, Tanaka-kun!”

The deafening greeting snapped him out of the unforeseen recollection that occurred a month ago, and he quickly looked around, seeking for the hoarse voice. As expected, it was Gotou Minato, the sociable neighbour who lived on the first floor while Hattori’s unit was on the third. 

They always stumbled across each other at the neighbourhood recycle space and garbage area. Ryu inferred that Gotou shared a similar morning routine; throwing the rubbish at 6.30 A.M.

Commonly, Gotou would start the chat with unprompted topics. Today, he began with a television series that he watched last night. He ceaselessly praised the actors and actresses who carried the depth of the characters’ emotions excellently. Then, he jumped to some unpredicted scenes which made him dissatisfied. He meticulously reviewed the cinematography and dialogue lines that he deemed impactful and ended the blather with persuasion.

“You should watch it, Tanaka-kun!” He slapped the younger man’s shoulder, and Ryu slightly stirred. “Aren’t you a feeble one!” He remarked and wanted to utter more comments when his little brother showed up.

The younger Gotou bowed to Ryu with a smile and informed the brother about his phone that has been ringing umpteen times. When the older asked about the caller, the younger stated a familiar yet superior name that made Gotou Minato sprinted to his unit and left them. Meanwhile, his little brother was still there, staring at him. When Ryu realised the younger Gotou was scrutinising him, he became antsy and wondered if there was a stain of drool on his face or his unruly morning hair that attracted unnecessary attention.

“Ah!” The teenage boy finally remembered. “Aren’t you Tsukushi Sensei’s boyfriend? The guy who walks home with Sensei after juku (cram school)?” He asked.

Ryu was astonished by the sudden debriefs from a stranger. No, from a little boy that he could simply beat to a pulp, Ryu immediately shot down the thought. He recalled how Mayuka defended her ‘foolish’ students that night, and one of them was currently standing in front of him, smiling wildly. Who is this little rascal, he responded with a cold gaze.

As the Gotou boy acquired silence from the anguished young man, he continued enthusiastically, “I’m Gotou Daichi. Please call me Daichi. I’m Tsukushi Sensei’s A1 student,” he introduced himself cheekily. “I saw you a few times! My house is far away from the cram centre, and my brother always fetches me late,” he complained. “I usually wait at the nearby convenience store and see you walking together with Tsukushi Sensei. You guys hold hands, I bet you must be her lover.” He giggled.

“So? What’s your problem?” Ryu could not stand this Gotou Daichi any longer. His fingers had curled into an iron fist that could blow semi-fatality to Mayuka’s student with a single punch.

Daichi noticed how his enthusiasm was getting on Ryu’s nerves. “N-No problem at all, sir! P-Please, tell Sensei that we all miss her very much!” Daichi quickly bowed and dashed away from the angry man.

. . . . .

For the whole day, Ryu was thinking about Mayuka. Unlike the previous days when he either guessed her summer schedule or wondered what dinner she would have, at this moment, he was dying to know her whereabouts? What happened to Mayuka? Why did she quit teaching at Sasaki Cram Centre? Ryu’s world began spinning and it seemed like he was walking through a tenebrous spiral cave. Dark and lifeless.

Ryu immediately unblocked Mayuka’s contact and tried to reach her. However, it kept getting into her voicemail. He decided to send an email but was not sure whether to apologise or straightaway asked her wellbeing. Damn it, he gritted his teeth.

Hattori had finished his noodles and glanced at the untouched food on Ryu’s bowl. “Do you want to eat those or not?” No answer. “Oi, Ryu.”

Ryu stood up and left the dumbfounded Hattori. As fast as lightning, he changed his clothes and darted off the house.

“Tanaka Ryu!” Hattori’s sonorous voice echoed and startled Ryu. The feeble man froze at the entrance and slowly spun around, facing his enraged friend. “You better tell me where you’re going, dickhead. I don’t care if you refuse to. I will force you. We all are dead worried about you!” Hattori narrowed his eyes, threatening Ryu. “Don’t leave us in ignorance, Ryu.”

He fell on his knees and started sobbing loudly like a heartbroken sixteen-year-old boy who lost in a baseball match after practising diligently for hours every day. It shattered Hattori’s heart whenever he witnessed this side of Ryu. He would always remember the sorrowful sixteen-year-old Ryu back then. “I… I want to go home,” Ryu’s voice cracked.

“Fuck, Ryu! Just say it,” Hattori stomped into his room, came out with long trousers and a light silver leather jacket. He grabbed his superbike key, “Get the fucking helmets, aho!” and slammed the entrance door shut.

Heading to Ryu’s apartment, none of them uttered a word until they arrived at the destination. Ryu took off his helmet and shoved it to Hattori, who almost imprecated more profanity to him. Ryu did not bother to wait for the elevator and took the stairs instead. When he reached the fourth floor, he was short in breath. However, as soon as he got more stable, he rushed to Mayuka’s unit and pressed the bell.

No answer. He pressed again. Still, answerless. Ryu shut his eyes tightly, recalling Mayuka’s summer schedule. “M-Monday to Wednesday, 8 to 3,” Ryu gulped, “8 to 3 at the library. Monday, T-Tuesday, Friday, Sasaki Cram, 7 to 9.30. Today… Today’s Friday, no Library.” Ryu lost his rationale and banged on the door. He did not have Mayuka’s spare key anymore, and his soul was filled with remorse.

The relentless thumps vexed Hana, who was completing a listening exercise. She clicked her tongue in annoyance and went to the entrance door. Her sister was still at the office as the clock struck 3 P.M and Hana was home alone. What a nuisance, she grumbled and looked through the CCTV that they put outside of their unit. 

“Tanaka-san?” Hana immediately opened the door.

She was befuddled to see Ryu in this restive condition, banging her teacher’s unit like an insane man. “Tanaka-san,” she summoned him. Ryu turned to Hana and walked closer. He grabbed Yukimura’s entrance door, perturbing the young girl. Hana started to get uncomfortable. “A-Aren’t you at your hometown in Fukushima, Tanaka-san?”

His mind felt fuzzy. “W-Where is Ma… T-Tsukushi Sensei?” He thought that Mayuka would be displeased if her students knew about their relationship. “Your friend, Gotou Daichi, told me that you all missed her. Where did she go?”

Now that Ryu was only a step away from her, she got a better view of his face. As she scrutinised him, it saddened her to see his sunken cheeks and dark circles under his light brown eyes. 

He looked exactly like her teacher during this whole summer, anguished and broken-hearted. What is happening between them? Hana became more puzzled.

“I don’t know where she goes,” she answered, “but she resigned weeks ago from our cram centre. She has moved out to somewhere far away.” Hana recalled Ryu’s spare key that Mayuka requested her sister to return to Ryu if they were to bump into him. “Oh, wait!” She ran inside and took the sealed brown envelope. Hana could detect the key, and dart off to the entrance. She gave it to Ryu.

Ryu was so impatient that he tore the envelope and found his spare key. However, his hand began shaking as he saw a small piece of paper. A note from her. From Mayuka.

I’m sorry for my selfishness. I was thoughtless that night.
This summer was the coldest one in my life. I won’t look for you if that eases your heart, Ryu.
Please forgive me and become a better person. 
You are already great, and I was lucky to know you. 
If we stumble across each other, could you please welcome me with open arms? 
Thank you, Ryu. For everything.

Tsukushi Mayuka

His eyes stopped at her name, and for a long time, he was quiet. It frightened Hana to see the voiceless Ryu. Even when she invited him in, the tiled floor had solidified both of his feet that he did not move an inch. He thought the world, for a moment, was soundless, and he could only hear the denial screaming in his head, deafening his soul.

Just like Mayuka, Ryu finally gave up and fell on his knees, regretting everything he did.