Chapter 5. Bully

This is the tenth time I've danced to this song. I know the lyrics at this point, I memorized each step.

Yet Makima keeps saying 'again'. Over and over.

The tape ends, rewinds itself, then starts all over. 

"Dance"

She states. Just as a sentence.

I finish. 

"Too stiff. Again"

I try.

"Too heavy. Again"

At the 20th time, she goes and sits down at the jury table.

"You're not even trying."

"I...I am but... It's just-"

"You can. Sayuri can. Why can't you do it?"

"That's different. She probably enjoys it."

"Then why don't you?"

She sits on the table.

I feel small. Like if she is looking through me. 

"Think of something that makes you happy."

I think of my mother, but it doesn't makes me smile. The abuse, the curse words, constant hits...

Then I thought of Sayuri, but that makes me feel bad. How bad of a companion I was.

"There's nowhere to go, huh?"

"...what If... I don't want to do this anymore?"

"Excuse me?"

"All of this. It's worthless. I mean, why am I looking for someone that abused me? Why am I looking for someone that I know it's gone? Why going through all the effort of getting something right? I mean, I can stay here, looking like Sayuri, living a rich life with a family and-"

"Sayuri doesn't have a family. Her mother passed away several years ago. And the father... well... he's bussy as ever. She has been alone this entire time. At least until she found me."

"Really?"

I drop on her bed and look at the ceiling, the fan spinning like crazy.

"This sucks, why can't I just... go and talk to her?"

"...To the girl that presumibly ended you friend's life?"

I keep silent

"Yeah, not happening"

I stand up

"I guess I have no choice then."

"Well, we're not going to achieve anything until yoou get some kind of inspiration so... got anything or anyone now?"

"Not yet."

"How about that brown haired gi-"

"Ha! Uzuki?! What does that girl would inspire me?! Don't be dumb!"

I laugh, she is looking at me like she planned everyhing.

"....Oh no. No. Not happening. I'm not going to dance thinking of her."

"Try it. Actually..."

She stands up on the judges table

"This one is called 'Valiant Heart'"

She starts singing. For the first time, I pay close attention to the song. Each lyric, each word.

"In a quiet night, I trembled alone. Calling a name, it will never reach you. Each time I was hurt, I pretended to be strong. Hiding in the tears you never saw..."

It makes me remember how much of an idiot I was back then. I start replaying the memories in my head, static.

-

"Ha! Look, she bringed a rabbit doll!"

Hoshino hugs her plushie, a brown rabbit.

I approach Tanaka, he's around my age, but he's an idiot. I push him and make him trip.

"Hey, watch it! Or what? Do you want me to teach you who I am, girl?!"

I turn around and grin.

"Oh, I'd love to know!"

I grab him by the neck and punch him. It wasn't even that hard. I can see Hoshino in the corner of my eye, hugging her rabbit doll, teary eyed.

They called me to the principal's office. My mother was there, a rare display.

"You need to tell your girl how to act and behave in a school environment"

"Oh, so now it's a school environment then. It doesn't matter that Tanaka kid has been harassing all kids at school, no, you also need to learn to behave in front of him..."

"Ms. Hibana, that's not what I-"

"What do you mean, then? You're not man enough to scold the kid?"

She picks her purse and pulls me, gently.

"Let's go, Ai."

We sit outside at a park bench. She gets me some cherry ice cream, my favorite flavor.

"Did I do something wrong, mom?"

"Not at all, sweetie. At least you showed him he's not the center of the school. Sometimes, people don't get we're all in this mess together, you know?"

"So... you're not mad at me?"

"Of course not, why would I be angry due to something like that? Besides, you're my love. I would never do something to harm you. You're my most precious treasure, after all."

-

"I want to forget, but I still remember. Just a tiny wish, still burning in my chest..."

-

"So, her name is Cuddly?"

"Y-yes! She's my best friend"

She hugs her plush to her chest.

"Can I be her friend too?"

"S-sure! She says thanks for the other day. You saved her"

"Thanks for being my friend too, Cudly!"

-

"Valiant Heart, listen to my heart beat. You can still walk even if you fall. Just once more, to create my future, i want to believe in who I-"

"Wait"

Makima stops mid number, the music keeps playing in the background and the camera pans.

"I got it. I need to get to Hoshino right now."

Makima is barely on the frame, but she looks excited.

"Oh, so you got it! Okay, just, stay like this for a bit. You never know when you're going to need help"

"You got it!"

I step out of Sayuri’s house and I sprint real fast towards the school library. As expected, Hoshino is in there, polishing a set of five dice.

"Oh, come on! Why do you have to look like that?! Is this a joke?! That’s very poor taste, Hibana."

"Hoshino- no, Uzuki. Attack me. Give me all you got"

She blushes while grabbing two dices 

"H-how did you called me?!"

She flings the dice to me. I close my eyes and I remember the words she said. What my mother really said. I make a swift move, a pose like if I was dancing.

I open my eyes, Uzuki looks confused and she trembles.

I could stop both dice with my bare hands.

"W-wait, how did you do that?! You're not supposed to do that!"

I smirk

"True, but I'm not myself right now"