Heart aflutter and stuttered

Like a song you did not expect to like,today plays over and over in my head on repeat and no other lyrics or songs can make there way in my mind to give my heart a break.
I watched him for only a sum of fifteen minutes before his driver took me home.

In that fifteen minutes I just watched him and barely spoke anything other than'Thank you'and 'Okay' and realized that the whole time he was happily devouring(in the most polished way)a fried chicken,a whole one I couldn't believe it,is that I could have just stayed there contentedly and I felt so stupid for feeling that....
Goopy.
I couldn't eat anymore then than I can now which is why I am lying in my bed hearing Cookie joyfully munching on some chicken skin I brought for him in a box that I and Kenshin saved.

I and Kenshin.
That 'And' is killing me.
My cheeks are hurting from smiling at the thoughts of just sitting with him at an outdoor restaurant and quietly having the company of each other and food,I tried to distract myself then and now with writing in my notebook to further continue the chronicle of my shogun era hero,Kogiji Kadata,and almost unconsciously made him to be eerie in similarity to my eating companion at that moment which that companion took full advantage noticing that fact.

"Who is it?Who is the newest hero in the 'Shoguns Watch'?"
"Who it is....back away clucker!"
I respond sharply enough but my hands were too slow to catch that he had gently pulled it close to him when I was distracted by his closeness and the fact that whatever cologne he was wearing had a maddening scent to it.

I am turning red as I am lying on my bed now at the response I got when he looked at the small paragraph I wrote to occupy me.

"I love it!Being an object of a fantasy of yours is more than flattering."

I did not even realize that it was taking on his face,his voice my character, but when I ripped it from him,smacked his arms with a chicken leg and walked off that it hit me.

Kogiji Kadata was becoming the object of where my mind was too often returning to.
My feet kick the bed like it would a violent offender and Cookie jumps off and looks at me as though I am mad and he wouldn't be far off in that thought process at all if I am being honest at all with myself.

"Since when did you ever write a heroine with instant love tendencies?Did you ever,ever even allow that thought in your head to be your love life option?No!You told yourself if love is to be yours that you would analyze,prepare and be ready and not be all goopy-goo-goo over a brief meeting as a child and a few over the top flirtations.No!.....Ugh....."
My pillow then becomes the object of my abuse for a few moments until my mortification dies down.

"Open up.I bring foods and 70s samurai on paper."

My eyes flick over the text and hear the doorbell seconds later.
I debate over it.

Didn't I suspect him of possibly trying to hurt me just the other day using a secret only he and one other person knows?
I don't really even know why I suspect him but I do a little,my bell rings again and so does my phone with a loud string of beeps.

"?"
"?"
"?!?!?"

My feet roll along with the rest of me off the bed,Cookie follows me and before I am even to the door he rings the bell again,my nose gets pleasantly assaulted with such a variety of smells that I can,if I decide to stay suspicious,just nab the food and slam the door but do I really feel so suspicious?

That is the question I am asking myself as my hand is frozen hovering over the nob,Why do I feel like I can't trust him for?

"I didn't do it.Okay?I have guessed that you are suspicious of me but I did not put the powder in that goo.Are we good?I need my samurai and hot pot time with you.The tradition of ours is making a comeback.Right?"

I lean my head on the door,I peek out for a a second which he sees and flashes a winking smile that he got from his dads tools of 'Peacemaking' ideology.

"You are an idiot."
"An idiot who can hear your stomach growling like a black bear from a mile away so open up.Okay?"

Arata smiles,it is bright like he has won a victory in a prize fight and he holds the bag of hotpot ingredients in one hand and another bag of really old manga from his dads collection that I have been dying to read since I was five but haven't been able to find my own copies,even Uncle Goji hasn't been able to either.
Cookie makes happy circles around him,Arata puts down the food and plays with Cookie as though two years haven't been gone.

Like my incident and what I did after hadn't happened.
Just two friends,a dog,a hotpot and some new reads.

Nice.
Calm.
Normal.
Things that the average girl would be dreaming of.

"So why am I thinking about you?"
"Eh?"
Arata asks me,he is looking at me quizzically while walking into the kitchen,preparing the hot pot and pulling out the heavenly scented prepared meat sticks with some ramen by the side.I hadn't even for a second realized I had spoken out loud but I did.
I wave it off as though nothing to which he doesn't appear to believe me but I don't humor his curiousity with the mood I am having instead I get the untensils prepared while trying my hardest to be normal like i was with him.

Like it was before he left,before I changed.

In one moment,I am holding a handful of utensils the next Arata has taken my shoulder in his large hand and has pulled me into his chest.His arms are around me gently and he refuses my pull back.
"Wait.Please.Can you honestly be so quick to not trust me?I have been your friend since we were four years old.Can you really be so quick not to even-e-even consider me at all?"

I have never been so frozen in my life,even when the flirtations of the last few days have happened I did not feel this...Stuck.
At a loss.

"Let go Arata."
His grip tightens and I can somehow feel it in how tense his arms and chest have become suddenly,how he breathes just a little more rushed,his heart starts to speed up too before he speaks again.

"Why not me?"

Why not you?
I do not move,I do not speak because I think about it.

Why not you?
Why not?
But my mind,The traitor.
Won't give me another moment to think.

"Lets eat."
"Is that your answer?'Let's eat.'"

The way Arata pulled from me but didn't let go is a question again.
A question I want to answer right.

"Do I have to think so much right now?A lot has happened in the last few days and I just want some normal.Is that an answer?"

"Will you at least....Think about it then?Really. And not let a few moments of fun and games take full access to your heart."

Why do I answer like this?My heart asks me.
I do not know but I should not let the thought escape me,is that fair?

"Okay."

Suddenly.
Just like that Arata appears like a terrible rainstorm has passed and is just as happy as when I brought the chicken skins to Cookie.

Stupid,traitor heart.
Stop thinking so much.