Magical Girls and Pirates

“Reality – be edited away!”

A magical girl wielding a large, pink scythe made a downward cut, creating a wave of distortion flying ahead of her. It sailed along the ground, crashing into a group of surprised villains.

In a flash, their bodies were rubbed out like erasers attacking drawings. Soon enough, there was nothing left but smears that fell to the ground and crumbled into dust.

The magical girl looked proudly at her handiwork. No one could mess with her reality editing powers in this world.

“I am Erase-Me-Doobles! The world is mine to rewrite!”

Akio stared at the screen with dead eyes, holding a bowl of cereal below his chin. Milk dribbled down the corner of his mouth like he had gone brain dead for a few moments. He snapped back into consciousness as the ending theme rolled around.

“What the hell is this god awful anime?” he said, wiping his mouth. Somehow, watching this thing made him light-headed, a dull headache starting to form.

He had become curious when Misaki picked a plushie of the title character. Not to mention, Kitsune had made a random reference to it.

However, the thought of an isekaied magical girl with an OP ability to rewrite virtually anything was more difficult to stomach than stale Wheaties that had been left open for weeks.

It was plot so lazy that he could feel the author giving up on any sense of consistency with it. However, shallow action and gaudy weaponry aside, there was one thing that struck him about the character.

Doobles did whatever she wanted, no ifs, ands, or buts. Once she decided on something, a wave of her scythe made her desires into reality. Akio stared as the ending theme concluded with a scythe flash going through the planet, turning it into a paradise for her.

Akio fell to his knees. The vertigo of the situation was getting to him.

They are soooo alike!

“Good thing Misaki isn’t a weeb. We’re all screwed if it comes to that.”

“If it comes to what?”

Akio jumped out of his skin. The bowl of partially eaten cereal tumbled into the next room and made a mess as he eyed Misaki’s head poking between the curtains of his balcony window.

“Don’t you ever come through the front door?!”

Misaki tilted her head cutely, flashing him a snide grin.

“If I do that, I won’t catch you beating it to your favorite type of girl. I’m curious about your preferences.”

“I DON’T-” For some reason, Akio felt too tired to argue. “Never mind. How about I just say that my type is powerful, awe-inspiring…,” Akio watched as Misaki’s eyes lit up, “girls that won’t get me killed every few days.”

Misaki’s face deflated. “Booooo. That’s no fun. What’s life without some risks?”

“Risks for you are end times for most average people. If only I had main character mojo like you, then sure, I’d be happy to throw down with anyone and walk it off with no repercussions.”

Misaki finally popped into the room, revealing the normal yankee outfit that she wore on weekends. Akio had to admit. She had a certain style that warded off people that didn’t match her intimidation level. It had grown on him like hero worship.

“Hmm, main character mojo. I’m not into movies or games much. Sitting around for too long gives me an itch. Care to show me an example?”

Akio eyed the media shelf next to his television. His gaze rested on the box art for the disc that was currently in his Gamestation console.

I guess that’ll do…

He walked over and picked up a controller, booting up the console from rest mode. The screen lit up to show a pirate, complete with eyepatch and cutlasses. Within moments, Akio had steered his character into a group of thugs and proceeded to clean up the streets… if one ignored all the blood that spilled from cleaving them into digital oblivion.

His eyes glazed over as he felt strangely at ease. It was like he was taking his accumulated stress out on his enemies. His vision swam as a sense of warmth swept over him.

Misaki looked over his shoulder, trying to process what was going on. After a moment, she chuckled and purred into his ear.

“Arrrrrrr.”

Akio felt an instant shiver of dread, backing up a few steps. He had his controller in his hand, like wielding a weapon. Misaki had drawn her hidden knife for some reason and was brandishing it with glee.

Ah shit, what strange conclusion did she come up with now?!

“Do you enjoy those kinds of games that much, Akio-kun? Enough to forget that I’m even here?” she said, all innocently.

Akio felt like it was a loaded question, one that would signal something unpleasant no matter what. He gulped as he carefully scrutinized every word on his tongue.

“It’s, fun, to, make, believe.”

“Ah, I see. Of course, it’s no good to actually cut people down, no matter how much enjoyment you’d get. No consequences no matter how many you take down is a lovely fantasy.” Misaki nodded with understanding and a pause. “But… don’t you think it’s missing a little bit of… depth?”

Misaki took two steps forward, an aura reeking of bloodlust coming from her. With no one else in the room, Akio knew that she had set her sights on him. Had he angered her somehow? He couldn’t think of any reason why.

Maybe, he had been a little nice to Yuunagi for fetching that Kamui-kun plushie. Maybe, it’s the sense that he didn’t particularly care if Misaki won her fights with the disciplinary head so that she could continue being shameless in her advances. Thoughts whirled around his head, making him feel overheated.

All he knew was Misaki was approaching fast, and she had pulled her arm back for a deadly slice. Akio shrieked as he watched the metallic flash pass right through him, swift like he was paper thin. His eyes rolled back as death registered in his mind.

“And that’s how you cut someone without actually doing it. Oh, how I love it when they feel my intents even when I don’t follow through.”

Misaki glanced at her knife, completely clean of any blood. She glanced back at Akio and blinked. He had passed out on his feet, his body finally registering gravity without any support keeping it up.

He fell into Misaki’s awaiting arms, who cradled him lovingly as she dragged him over to his bed. Throwing him in, she giggled while snuggling up close, grabbing the blanket to cover them both.

v

Akio woke up to an unfamiliar sky. He looked around, disoriented with his surroundings as he swore that he was in his room right before this moment.

Now, he was standing on the shores of some sunny beach, the sand beneath his shoes. Waves crashed gently next to him and seagulls chirped afar. The scenery looked all too familiar to him. That was because-

“Arrrrr. Shiver me timbers! Lookie what the tide pulled in! Easy prey if I don’t say, mateys!”

It was the game he was playing.

A plank of driftwood swung into his vision. Akio dodged back and sent a swift kick into the side of his attacker. The pirate thug was sent flying as he tumbled into the sand and rolled a few meters before bursting into digital dust. Coins exploded where he disappeared.

Akio eyed the next one, who moved slower than a clam. He waltzed right up and slammed his knee into the man’s stomach, who buckled under the force before disappearing as well.

Fortunately, it seemed like he was fighting trash mobs. At this point, he was sure of his abilities, so he decided to make the most of it. He eyed the last one, who had a larger health bar than the other two.

Knowing how his game worked, he roared and unleashed a purple aura, grabbing the remaining attacker before slapping him in the face several times. Picking the man up over his head, Akio jumped before slamming the guy, head-first, into the sand.

The wannabe pirate was buried up to his waist, his legs flailing comically. After a few seconds, his depleted life bar caused him to explode too, leaving Akio with a crappy hand hook and an eyepatch to wield.

Picking up both items, Akio sighed.

“Well, at least I didn’t lose a hand and an eye in the process. Would’ve preferred a weapon, even a rusty, tetanus-inducing one.”

He was likely fooling around in a dream, recalling how Misaki had supposedly cut him down. Now that he had a chance to think calmly, it didn’t seem like she would have flat out murdered him. There was too much of a sense of enjoyment coming from her eyes.

But in the off chance that he had indeed died and been isekaied to a beloved game, he wasn’t complaining. There were far worse places to be in.

Some amount of time passed as he continued to run into random mobs and take their gear. There was no way for him to tell when the dream would end, but he had already found enough swag to deck himself out in full pirate garb.

He spotted an enemy with a boss icon, signifying greater risks and greater rewards. He had nothing to lose by challenging it anyway.

Getting a running start, Akio drew his newfound dagger and went for a supersonic surprise strike. His body responded to his thoughts, moving in like a purple flash. But as he made a wide arc with his swing, the boss casually pulled out a bat to no-look guard his strike.

“Yo, Akio-kun. Think you’re ready for the big leagues?”

A fierce aura burst from the boss, along with a familiar voice. Akio’s body went cold.

“Oh, no. Don’t tell me that yandere even followed me in my dreams?!”

Misaki turned around, a wide smile on her face. She looked blissfully happy to have Akio try to attack her. It was like she was waiting for him to muster the courage to do so.

“Yandere? I believe you’re mistaken… Nothing but Yarrrrderes here.”

Akio took cringe damage from the pun. It made his guard slack.

Misaki took the chance to pounce on him, an instant slam to the ground as she mounted him. Akio stared at Misaki wearing a bikini top under the pirate garb. She looked strangely alluring despite the circumstances.

His vision drew closer and closer to the valley between them, as the soft mounds were planted right over his face. Suddenly, he found himself gasping for air. Water had flooded around them, and he was paddling to stay above it.

“Hush hush, Akio-kun. You’re mine now. I’ll drag you to the very bottom of the sea, where no one can bother us. Let Misaki take care of you~~~”

Bubbles rose from the last dregs of air in his lungs. Even in his dreams, Misaki tried to kill him. It made him wonder if he was the one messed up in the head.

v

Akio sat up and sucked in a deep breath. His eyes were wide as he scanned the perimeter of his room. His heart was racing out of his chest from that nightmare. Slowly, he laid back down and sighed.

His arm moved to the side and bumped into someone lying beside him. Akio nearly dove to the floor in response, but Misaki’s legs had ensnared his own, causing him to tip upside down over the bed and smack his head on the floor.

In his horribly awkward position, a sleepy Misaki peered over and pulled him back up to the bed. He couldn’t complain as their bodies pressed together in an embrace. A light kiss was felt on his forehead.

“Good, it seems like your fever went down.”

“Fever? Huh, since when?”

“You didn’t even notice, did you? There wasn’t the usual eagerness in your step. Not to mention how easily you zoned out. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn’t take care of you?”

Akio’s memory felt a little hazy, but he had been feeling off all day. He sighed as Misaki cradled his body around her own under the covers. He felt her chin nuzzle against the top of his head. Apparently, his head between her cleavage hadn’t been a dream.

“Oh, hello. Someone else is awake, fufu.”

Akio leapt out of bed immediately and readjusted his pants. When that didn’t work, he shoved a pillow down it to cover up his embarrassment.

“That’s it! Out, out, you horny succubus!”

“No way~~~ Not unless you are even harsher on me~~”

“I would rather not tempt fate.”

With one hand holding the pillow awkwardly jammed down his pants and the other reaching out to pull Misaki off his bed, Akio somehow managed to lead her to the door before slamming it shut.

He looked out the window to see the setting sun in the distance. He must have conked out for most of the day. Hours and hours of lying around in bed with Misaki.

“Urgh! It won’t go down now!”

He sat his butt down in front of the television and booted his game back up. There was only one way to deal with it – tearing through hordes and hordes of ugly ass men, no bitches in sight. He had enough women for the day.