No One Likes Romance Novels IRL, Anyway

It was hard to fall asleep. Eventually, I drifted into a dream. I was wandering through Ryoya’s house, turning corners along an endless hall. Every corner seemed to have one of the main love interests standing there; they each winked and waved at me, like the opening cutscene of the game. I saw Ryoya—unlike the others, he was standing still. His mouth opened but he didn’t say anything and he was bleeding from a wound on his forehead. Last was Kanai. He grabbed me by the collar and dragged me out into a dark alley. The close tall gray walls around us were covered in glowing neon tags, paint dripping down. The asphalt was wet with rain. My feet were getting soaked.

“Don’t hurt me,” I pleaded.

Kanai pushed me up against the wall, slamming my head against the cement. I gasped in pain and tried to wrap my fingers around his forearms, to keep him away.

“What’s your problem!” I said again.

“It’s not a problem. Just that I like this look on you.”

That stupid deep voice was setting my heart aflutter despite myself. Despite this situation.

He licked his lips. Saliva congealed on his cupid’s bow. He leaned in close.

Chihara Yuu whacked him in the back of the head with a baseball bat. He crumpled to the ground. She stood there, panting for air. “You okay?”

“Yeah…yeah, I am.”

She came closer and kissed me. I let her. Blurry images merging with each other. I didn’t really have a sense of touch.

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

I woke up soaked in sweat. My head hurt. I’d hit it on Ryoya’s headboard. Bleh.

I wasn’t used to being this height while sleepy, stumbled out of bed. It was a Saturday, but I’d woken up early out of habit. I unplugged Ryoya’s phone from his charger and checked the time. 7:00 am. Then I noticed something else. It was 7:00 am, April 14th… 2018.

That was seven years before I’d transmigrated. I remembered then that the game Delinquent Love! had came out in 2019.

If I was in the past, it was the past of an alternate timeline. Sakura Academy, where Ryoya and three other love interests went, didn’t exist in the real world. Neither did any of the characters I’d met since transmigrating, as far as I knew. Thus, even though I was in Tokyo, it wasn’t my Tokyo. Still, I contemplated what I could do. I could buy stocks (what stocks? I didn’t keep an eye on that kind of thing); I could buy a lottery ticket (I didn’t keep track of past winning lottery numbers—who did, besides people obsessed with time travel?); I could even warn society about Covid-19 (who would listen to me?).

Confident in my uselessness, I went to go take a shower.

I’d crashed into bed in my clothes earlier, and avoided looking in the mirror after my shower. I had an intense desire to, but because of that, it felt like a violation. Any looking (or touching, which was also extremely tempting) I’d do would be because I wanted to have sex with Ryoya, and that wasn’t fair to him, who was a…walking corpse? A skin jacket for me?

Ew.

It was still early, but I decided to head out right away. I had a mission hanging over my head, after all.

I was going to go back to Koi Coffee. Rather than imposing on her, I wanted to figure out what kind of personality Chihara Yuu actually had. The thing with trying to win her over was that the person she liked was completely malleable by route. In the prologue, she didn’t really express romantic feelings towards anyone. It was about establishing the characters to the player. Then, after the prologue passed, you chose who you wanted to romance. Her internal monologue would change based on that choice. When I was romancing Ryoya, the dialogue, internal monologue, and narration in the game were all really favorable to him. After I finished his route and went to romance Kazuhiro, those three things all changed to favor the new boy. Even Kanai would probably be framed as appealing if I picked him. So what was this Chihara Yuu into? What did she like? I had no idea. I didn’t even feel like I wanted to romance her, but I kept thinking about that bold-text message. I had to.

The puddles on the sidewalk were drying up as I walked, turning into lumps of mud. Tingtingting! The bell at the door jingled as I stepped into Koi Coffee. It was a bright morning day, light pouring into the windows of the shop.

“Hey,” Yuu said, with a guarded expression. “You might want to head out.”

Why? I looked across the room and saw the reason.

Takayama Fuuji was sitting at one of the tables, once again drinking something that was 99% sugar.

He met my eyes. “Hey, don’t pussy out. I’m just chilling.”

Delinquent Love!: The Full-Body Experience had no swear filters. I hated that. It wasn’t like I was a total prude—I cursed occasionally—, but it destroyed the otome game mood. I wanted to feel like I was in Delinquent Love!, not like I was in juvie.

“Sure. I’ll chill too.” I’d been too rattled to remember Ryoya’s drink order before, but now I could. “Can I get a latte macchiato? Iced.”

“You got it.” The espresso machine buzzed as she started making it.

“And a bagel,” I requested, since I hadn’t had breakfast yet.

“Sure.”

“Whatcha doing up so early?” Fuuji asked.

“Just happened to wake up at this time.” There weren’t any lines that I could quote. Ryoya was almost always flirtatious, but definitely not with other guys. Yasutoki’s reaction had proven that. Still, given that he’d been dismissive to everyone after Ame had died, a dismissive tone seemed suited. I stared into the distance, tapping my fingers on the table. Trying to surreptitiously watch Yuu.

“You got a thing for her?” Fuuji asked.

“What’s it to you?”

“Nothing, just that you got good taste. You wanna pay for my drink?”

“You’re not a date, so no.”

“But I got less money than you. I could only afford six hours in the net café last night. They kicked me out and that’s why I’m here.”

Fuuji’d stayed in a net café last night… he was homeless? At least, that’s what he was implying, right?

“But you’re buying that drink?” I ended up asking. Net cafes and manga cafes often provided free soda, so he wasn’t exactly prioritizing either.

“I’m not buying it, you’re buying it.”

“What were you going to do if I didn’t show up? Dine and dash?”

Fuuji glanced over to Yuu and raised his eyebrows. He wasn’t going to say the truth out loud with her nearby—so, the answer was yes.

I sighed. “How much was it?”

“650.”

“Okay, fine, I’ll buy it.” I felt a little worried for his situation now, after all. Though he seemed lackadasical about it.

“I’m glad you’re getting along,” Yuu said, putting down my bagel and macchiato. “500 for the bagel, 450 for your drink, 650 for Takayama-san’s.”

I handed over 1,600 yen. Money: -1,600 yen, said the popup.

+1 Love Point.

Huh. I hadn’t tipped. Was it that I had patronized the coffee shop? Or that I’d paid for Fuuji? I’d paid for Sae and Mae last time, too.

“You.” She pointed at Fuuji. “If you actually try to dine and dash here, you’re not coming back. I’m gonna make you pay upfront next time too.” She’d been speaking in polite language to us as customers, but completely dropped that and used omae for you.

Fuuji laughed in surprise.

“Don’t fuck around. I can get a boy like you in a headlock and make you pay up, no sweat.” She was small, not more than 165 cm, but she spoke like she wasn’t.

“You’re sure bold now that Konno’s not around.”

“I can’t take four.” She glanced at me. “Can anyone?”

“Nope. Unless it’s four girls in my room.”

“Ew,” Yuu said.

“What she said,” Fuuji said.

Yeah, that was probably how I’d react to a man I didn’t get along with saying something like that in front of me. It had been an inaccurate impression of Ryoya, too. “Sorry, bad joke.”

Fuuji came over to my table and slouched into the chair across from me, making himself at home. “Yo, Chihara, when do you get off work?” He tossed his long braid forward over his shoulder—so it no longer ran down his back—and sank more comfortably against the back of his chair.

“We’re friends now?” Yuu said.

“Yeah, sure, you give me free drinks, right? That’s friendship.”

“Uh, nope.”

Fuuji laughed again. I could see why he was friends with Kanai. But at the same time, he felt a lot more endearing. Yuu was a little amused, too.

“So, when?”

“The coffee shop closes at 2 pm, then I gotta lock the doors, wash the dishes, sort out the cash register and stuff. It usually takes about forty-five minutes? So 2:45?”

“Me and Okuda are going to the community center to play some pool. You two know each other, right? Want to come along?”

“Ehh…” Yuu said. “I’m thinking.”

If Yuu said yes, she’d be 1) hanging out with criminals (not that fictional deliquents were that bad…I’d thought, before experiencing them!) and 2) hanging out with two love interests that weren’t me. Failure will be punished.

“I’ll come too,” I said.

“Eh?” Fuuji and Yuu said simultaneously.

“Who invited you?” Fuuji asked.

“I bought you a drink,” I argued.

“I don’t like going out with big groups of people,” Yuu said.

“Four people’s hardly a big group,” I said.

Yuu shook her head, leaning on the counter and looking at the door. “If you walk on a sidewalk together and they don’t all fit, it’s too big a group. Actually, if there’s more than one person, it’s kinda too big a group.”

“I’m kicking Miyazato out, I hate that bitch.”

My voice went up an octave as I said, “Hey, what? What about ‘You give me free drinks? That’s friendship’?”

“Why’re you being so pushy, asshole? I know you hate us Higanbana-gumi, we aren’t friends. Don’t come.”

“I want to see Kazuhiro,” Yuu admitted. “I think, I’m okay with coming along if I can talk to him, y’know?”

“And I’m coming,” I asserted. What was a good reason, protectiveness? “I’m not leaving you two alone with her.” I tried to say that line like the dominant male leads I liked.

+3 Misfortune Points. +1 Drama Point.

Eeesh! Yuu didn’t like that!

“I’ll tell Okuda 2:45 then,” Fuuji said to Yuu, ignoring me. He sucked the last bit of whipped cream out of the bottom of his drink and tossed the cup into the bus bin from a couple meters away.

“What if that was glass!” I yelped.

“It wasn’t, it was plastic,” Fuuji said.

“Yeah, it was plastic,” Yuu said. “But don’t throw cups from my café across the room, please.”

“What!—It’s your café?”

“I mean, not literally. Also, 3, not 2:45.”

“Sure, I got you.” Fuuji flashed a peace sign and strode out of the coffee shop, grabbing a skateboard he’d left near the entrance on the way. After he left, I heard the sound of wheels thudding down stairs and then a crash and a curse. Skateboarding wasn’t on his character sheet. Seemed like a new hobby.

“So, are you getting out of here?” Yuu said.

“Sorry.”

“Forget it. Might be nice to have another person around if I’m going to some location with a strange guy. Though it’s not like it’s not public.”

“Sure.”

“I can’t keep you from going to a public place.”

“Sure.”

“Just get out. Annoying-ass.”

Another customer walked in. Yuu greeted them with a bright smile—“Good morning! What would you like today!”

I got out.

➽──────❥ ❀⊱༺♡༻⊰❀ ➽──────❥

I probably should have predicted the outcome of this, which was that at 3 pm, the community center was deserted.

So, they decided to avoid me.

I’d totally embarrassed myself. Because of the system’s ultimatum, I was a little desperate…ugh, no, I just totally didn’t know how to socialize. And I’d been a total unreasonable jerk too.

I didn’t have friends. I liked dating sims, where the men would always be perfect. None of the embarrassment, guilt, mistakes, and cruelty of real life.

“Come on, Kazu.”

That was Yuu’s voice.

I followed it around a corner and down a hall, to a closed room with a door window of frosted glass. Inside was another pool table.

So they came after all.

But I wasn’t going to go in knowing I’d been a total fuckup. I sat down next to the door instead, listening in on their conversation.