What Lies Beneath the Hidden Sky - Record (a)

Kenith never concerned himself with the others. He himself, after all, was from the eyes of the public ‘the other’. An outcast not belonging to anyone or everyone. Like a wander, travelling from place to place, he too was used to this life. But only a wanderer could wander about for so long. Eventually there will need to have a place to stop and roost. Somewhere to rest those weary bones, and to bask in the glory of the past.

Unfortunately, he was not blessed with such luck. Returning from a lifelong trip overseas, acclimatising to the Japanese classroom environment and rules was a heavy task in and of itself. It is not as simple as plopping oneself into a classroom and talking to people. They gawk at him, like a rare specimen at a zoo, ask about dumb questions about the United States, the only thing they apparently know. It's these kinds of questions that infuriate Kenith to no end. Answers that can be answered through their own research and experiences. So like always, Kenith distanced himself from the crowd, and so the crowd did it back to him.

As usual, the university hall was empty as always, no classes going on. It wasn’t because of the time, far from it. Usually with big campuses like this, there’s bound to be empty rooms about. A place of peace, quiet, and in Kenith’s case, contemplation. The usual big questions, like what is life? Why do I exist? Where should I be heading in life? Of course, the point is there are no answers. It just depends on the person. Some could say they want to be helpful to a community, fix the broken systems of the world, or maybe become the next president. Ambitious stuff like that. But Kenith’s wishes were much more simple than that. A person without ambition, is a hollow man, flying about in the wind. Just like a sail with a hole in it. So then, what would a guy with nothing to look forward to want in life? Simply put, death.

The empty classroom echoed with the clacking of a pen. As he opened and closed the pen lid, leaving behind a large and audible ‘clack’. Clack, clack, clack. The audible sound echoing through the empty classroom. Just like the pen, time marches onwards towards our inevitable demise. No contemplating, thoughts empty. Just the pen, the room, and the echoes reflecting back and forth. The boredom slowly creeped into Kenith’s mind, as it wandered about again and again. As the famous quote goes, “To be or not to be, that is the question.” Right now, the pointer is leaning towards ‘to be’. But there are instances when it shifts over to ‘not to be’. Like when a certain friend is brought up…

Allan, my once long-standing friend. Childhood friends, long-distance friends, call it what you want. We were on the best of terms, been through thick and thin. Yet like the rules of the world, all good things had to come to an end. An incident which caused us to fall out. My mind wanders once again, reaching into that time I could never forget.

It started off so simply. A slight disagreement, nothing more. Something on the lines of what university we’re going to? I wanted to enter the prestigious ECU, the international university located in Tokyo. But my friend wanted to go to the local university division. He preferred smaller spaces, to focus, to have alone time essentially. Makes sense, considering he was the quiet type. He wasn’t the type to hang out in big social groups, drinking and partying. He was a textbook introvert, focusing on his own hobbies instead. But I didn’t mind that about him, Instead I respected him for it. Doing the things he believed, and following down that road. But that stubbornness was also his heel. We often clashed on things we believed in, trying to get our own way. But ever since that university talk, we just began to slowly drift apart. We might hold the same hobbies, but even then those chats were getting old. We might’ve just grown out of the things we’ve enjoyed. The first steps of the adult ladder.

As things expected, I entered ECU, and Allan entered a local branch. We also ended up with different degrees as well. I pursued psychology, while he chose an English major. Science and arts, the two polar opposites. While I studied about the human mind and the way it works, he studied about literate works, writing and grammar. However, there was one pressing problem that I failed to notice. A smaller university, while more compact, also has its problem students. Larger universities have the benefit of hiring counsellors and other staff to help mitigate the problem. But smaller universities did not. So as expected, those problem students bullied him. Pressured him to go and drink, do their work, skip lectures to play around with the boys.

I did try to ask about Allan’s side over and over again, but to no avail. He kept on putting a brave face, saying nothing's wrong, that he can handle what’s going on. But his writings said otherwise. Messy, angry pages flooded his notebook in red ink. ‘Why me? Help… Somebody help me…’ But those pages would not help me in the slightest. After all, those pages lay next to the lifeless corpse of the once friend I knew…

Ultimately the incident was swept under the rug as a suicide, but I always doubted that conclusion. Suddenly, the university bells rang, disrupting my train of thought. Reality has taken over once more. Back to the classroom of eternity, and boredom.

Kenith glanced over to the window and stared outside. Sometimes, I wish I could have done something. To actually take notice. To take revenge on those bullies. But I was never brave enough to call it out. I was a coward who ran from all responsibility. I didn’t want to become a new target.

With regret on his mind, Kenith stepped outside of the classroom, his lunch break now over. It was time to do what he wanted to do. The sun’s ray now gone, cooling his now sunken heart. Step by step, he approaches the stairwell leading to the roof. Tap, tap, tap, tap. His footsteps rang clear, like the rain falling onto the ground. And just like the rain, so too, another drop is about to land as well…

The grey blank roof was the same always. Grey walls, grey floor, fenced walls, and a view of the university. The only greenness of the roof was the potted plants in the corner, but were now wilted and gone. Its owner must have abandoned its fate, just like what was about to happen here. Though protected, the fence on the roof had one weakness. The fencing itself was rusted to the point where anyone could lift the fence itself. Some students have done stuff here in the past. Illegally going through the fence doing parkour, sitting on the building edge, while watching the people flow by like ants. I even participated in these events before. But today’s not one of those fun days. Rather it’s about to turn into a tragic day.

“Just you wait Allan… I’ll join you soon enough.”

The fence creaked, as Kenith dragged the fence upwards. The hole being barely enough to let a grown person go through. Just like a soldier going through the trenches, Kenith moved underneath the fence one arm at a time. Scrape, scrape, the sleeves on his shirt grinding into the concrete floor. He didn’t care if his clothes got dirty or torn at all. As long as he can get through to the promised land, that’s all it mattered.

Slowly but surely he inched his way through the fence hole, until he appeared on the other side. Legs and body now through the hole. He looked back to see his handiwork. Some torn pants, dusty sleeves and a trail leading to the fence. ‘As if covering my tracks mattered’ Kenith thought to himself as he approached the concrete ledge. Ignoring the past memories he spent here, Kenith sat down and began to write a note. The contents itself were self explanatory. He was going to die here. The note was to explain why he committed suicide, and the actions he couldn’t take. The regrets, the frustration, the pain and suffering that welled from within. Kenith furiously wrote his thoughts onto that piece of paper, one word at a time. In the same bright red ink that Allan has written in. ‘To think I’m doing the exact same thing Allan has gone through. Ironic, isn’t it.”

As Kenith finished up the paper, he folded into a neat half, and put it into an envelope. He then marked it with the following words, ‘read this.’ He tossed the letter behind the fence hole before untying his shoelaces. The stereotypical routine before a suicide. Take off the shoes, put them on the concrete. He took a deep breath. Taking the plunge was a simple task. But doing it was the problem. He wasn’t brave to begin with. A coward who ran away from Allan’s problems. Who ran away from my own problems. And now, running away from life, through death. He sucked in the air again before breathing out. He looked downwards to the five floors below. Nothing but green bushes and the brick path of the university building. I was an anomie, an outcast of society. Hence why I already committed suicide once. Social suicide. What’s more than adding one more to that list?

Plink. As the sound of the music box tinkered, I heard the sound of footsteps touching the ground. I didn't care about who came, but there was something abnormal in the air. My instinct was screaming. This person isn't normal.

When I turned around, I found a girl quietly sitting on an air chair. Expressionless and dignified. The girl who revealed herself eventually spoke.

"You don't understand anything about death."

She wielded a scythe, and a uniform not befitting of one. Black mountain parker, red shoes and short pants. Wasn't there a more fitting choice? Like a robe or something.

"Anyone can die. However, those who fall outside of its rules are punished. Like what you are trying to do now."

"I don't get what's going on... but those who follow the rules end up like this. Drowning in the sea of right and wrong, only to never scrape it. Which is why it's easier to just disappear."

Kemith said this to the reaper. “I can just end my life on my own terms. Allan may have been pressured to die, but not me. I can still take the plunge, you know/”

"But you've noticed, haven't you. That you don't have the resolve to be forgotten from this world. So you should return to that side. And reaffirm what it means to 'live'".

The girl said something unfitting of a reaper. Something is fundamentally different about her. Was she a variable? An outcast perhaps?

"My name's Sophie. As you can tell, I am a reaper. But there's something you shouldn't assume. While reapers do take the soul of others, they do other jobs as well. For example a counsellor who saves the souls of others.

My head couldn't keep up. What is this reaper saying? Angels are the ones who guide humanity. Is she just acting like an angel? Or did she hate her angel job so she transferred over to being a reaper?

"Have you heard of this before? 'God is dead'. This isn't a metaphor, it's a fact. That's why the angels holed up in Heaven and disregarded humanity. They don’t care about you people. Think of the lot like those rich billionaires living a life of luxury. Meanwhile, us reapers have to pick up the slack. So there's only two paths left for salvation. Either to help yourself, or to rely on others. For example, the help of a reaper.”

Kenith stepped back from the ledge, bewildered by what he'd just heard. There’s a god out there? Angels are lazy? Reapers work for the sake of humanity? He couldn’t take all that information at once.

“But that doesn’t make any sense. Of all people, why are you reapers? You are the one to take on that job. Wouldn’t it be easier to, you know, reap the souls and send them to hell?” Kenith asked with a confused look on his face.”

Sophie answered back with an annoyed look. “This routine is getting old. I should probably find a better way to avoid this question.”

She sighed before answering Kenith. “Do you want your soul to become fragmented, never to be reborn again?”

“Well… no? Why would I?” Kenith answered back.

“We only reap the souls of the criminals. They deserve to suffer in hell for their crimes. But not common folks. You get it off easy. Anyhow my point is, it’s not your time to die, so live your life to the fullest.”

“And if I die now…?” Kenith asked inquisitively.

“You’ll live a life with more regrets than ever before. So don’t throw away your life like that.” Sophie looked a bit down while saying that.

She must've seen such similar experiences before. Kenith thought to himself quietly. Alright, I get what you’re trying to say. I won’t jump, okay?

Even after hearing that, Sophie’s expression refused to change. Her tone of voice did rise though.

“I’m glad you’ve listened. Thankfully I didn’t have to use that option.”

“Which is to?”

“You never know what the future holds.” Sophie sidestepped the question.

“Well that’s annoying. Guess you reapers have your own secrets to keep.” Kenith sighed, as he entered through the fence hole, and back outside to the campus building. ‘Guess I need to think of an excuse when I get back home.’ he thought to himself.

“So what happens now?” Kenith turned. Sophie was gone from his sights. But he heard an audible ‘plink’ of the music box before she completely disappeared.

By the time Kenith headed back home, the sun had already set. Being on the roof was mentally draining enough, but to see a reaper of all people? Things weren’t adding up. He stood in the hallway leading up to the rooftop, contemplating what he just saw. ‘Reapers exist, god is dead, angels are useless billionaires, and how living is important.’ All of that would come out of a fever dream of sorts. Of course he pitched himself after that ordeal. Which didn’t matter because he knew this was reality. The wind slapping at his face as he was about to take the plunge was still fresh in mind. There’s no mistaking it. This was reality.

Not waiting to think anymore, Kenith ran back home, mind blank, and head empty. At least the fresh dose of adrenaline and energy kept his mind off the issues at hand. Such as how he would explain his tattered and dirty clothes to his mum. Or finishing his uni work that have been intentionally avoiding…

Tired, ragged, and out of energy, Kenith arrived at his parents house. A typical apartment block among many others. White blocks, a bunch of doors, and floors identical to one another. Enough space for a small family of three. In front of the apartment, there lies the usual playground equipment, a stock standard for these types of places. How I used to play with something similar when I was young. But now, he uses it for one purpose only. To sit on the bench and contemplate life, just like a philosopher. Many a day, he sat on the seesaw at dusk, thinking about his life choices and decisions.

He passed through the staircase leading up to the apartment block. Why didn’t he take the elevator? It was to simply avoid seeing other people. He definitely needed personal space, especially after that encounter. Up and up the dark brown tiled staircase went, until he reached the 7th floor of the apartment block, and opened door 703. ‘These door names need to be more creative.’ Kenith thought to himself as he quietly opened the door.

Inside, there wasn’t much to write home about. The entrance hall for the shoes, the hallway leading to the living room, the kitchen on the right, his room on the left. Further down the left hall was also the shower room and his parents room. About right now, his mum should be making dinner. He meticulously closed the door, and started to tiptoe across the floor while crouching downwards. ‘As long as he’s crouching, mum won’t be able to see me from the counter.’ Kenith thought to himself. But there was one variable he didn’t take into account. The unluckily placed brick block on the ground…

“Yeowch!” Kenith screamed as he stepped on the block. Maybe he should've left his toys lying about in the living room and cleaned them up instead.

“Oh, welcome back. I didn’t noti-”. Kenith’s mum came out from the kitchen counter. Her words got cut off as she witnessed Kenith’s dusty and torn clothes.

“Kenith! What have you done! Here, let me get something to wear. Take a shower in the meantime, then we’ll talk, okay?”

This is something he wanted to avoid. While Kenith does love his mum, she’s also very overprotective of him. From his psychology classes, he also knew that adding excess worry would only make his mother’s mental state worse. So giving her less things to worry about was the better option. But that sounded more like an excuse. If anything, he just wanted to avoid having to talk with his mum about what happened on the uni roof today.

Listening to what his mum said, Kenith washed up, and wore the new clothes his mother prepared for him. It was lucky his dad was out on a business trip overseas, otherwise he would’ve faced not one but two worried parents. Double the time, double the trouble. Best to avoid that at all costs. He entered the living room where mum had prepared the usual meal of grilled mackerel, rice, miso soup, boiled spinach, and pickles. His favourite rice seasoning, bonito on the table side.

His mother began the conversation. “So what happened today? Did you get on someone's bad side and fight them?”

She definitely was worried. Kenith could tell from her expression. Figuring it would be best to not upset her with the rooftop incident, he lied to his mum.

“Yeah, I got in a fight. Sometimes you have pent up stress right? I just wanted to take it out on someone. I threw a trash ball at a random guy out of frustration, only to realise it was one of the wrestling members. He also must’ve been annoyed because he pinned me on the ground immediately after that. Hehe…” Kenith ended his sentence sheepishly.

“I know you’ve been a lot since Allan, but please you don’t have to take this alone. You can always talk to us, okay. Also please don’t do that again. I don’t want to see you hurt.” His mum's concerned look has yet to change.

“I know, I know. I’ll do my best okay.” Kenith said what he usually says before finishing off his plate.

“Thanks for the meal.” He stood up and took his dishes to the counter.

“You could just leave the dishes in the sink. I can do them alongside mine.” She tried to stand up, and help clean the dishes.

“You already do more than enough already mum. Plus I should be able to do the chores.” Kenith let out a sigh, as he washed the dishes himself. Scrub the annoying stains off with hot water and soap. If only I can scrub the stains clouding the mind as well…

With the dishes done, he headed to his room, and lied on the bed. Too much went on today. He needed a break. Uni stuff comes later. As Kenith laid his head on the pillow, the sweet embrace of the sheets guided him to sleep…

Kenith woke up from a dreamless sleep. He was glad of course, to not witness the haunting dreams of the past. Usually those are the ones that wake him up in the middle of the night. Cold sweat beads coming down from the forehead, annoyingly so. He woke up, took his usual breakfast of toast, bacon, scrambled eggs and salad, before lugging his big backpack filled with textbooks. ‘Surely that reaper is not going to come around again’, he thought to himself, as he opened the door.

From across the front entrance, a muffled ‘plink’, echoed.

“Let’s see if he has learnt to live.” Sophia pondered, while flying in the sky, invisible.

Kenith listen to the usual boring university course lecture. Today’s content was about adolescent and child development theory. Yawn. He’s already covered in a different course, no point in hearing it again. He sat back, flipped his pen around a few times, as he pretended to take notes.

Once the class bell rang, the class began to leave. Some stayed behind to ask the lecturer questions, while others opened their lunch boxes, preparing to eat. Instead of staying though, Kenith left for the park at the back of the university. While he could’ve eaten at one of the empty classrooms, he wanted a change of pace.

So off Kenith went to the park in the back of the campus. This place was connected with a nearby primary school. Sometimes the kids come out and play soccer, or play with the sandcastle. Usually around this time though, the kids are inside of the school doing arts and craft or some other subjects. Which means a quiet and peaceful park at least until their class finishes.

Kenith walked to one of the rubber tyre obstacles and sat on it. He then opened his lunch box that his mum prepared. Rice, broccoli, omelette, sausage, and a small salisbury steak. Pretty standard all things considered. As he raised his chopsticks to take a bite of the broccoli, he noticed the park wasn’t as quiet as he thought.

The primary school kids seemed to be arguing something. Sighing, he packed away his lunch, and walked to the kid group. All he wanted was peace and quiet, not dealing with a bunch of rowdy kids. At first he was planning to tell the kids to move somewhere else, but then he noticed something else. It wasn’t a group of rowdy kids, it was a single kid being bullied by a few older peers. Would it be better to leave them behind? If only it was so easy. He has been in this situation before, and this time he’s not making the same mistake.

“Oi, bugger off, you’re hurting the kid.” Kenith took a more aggressive approach to start out with. For bullies like this, asserting dominance is the fastest way to get attention. What comes after that though is different. He needed to show kindness to the kid being bullied to gain their trust, while being stern towards the bullies.

“Hey are you alright? Why don’t you hang out with your big bro?” Kenith tried to act like a cool brother approach. It was obvious enough that the kid being bullied did not trust him, nor knew him. I moved my chin a few times to get him to act along.

“Ye-yeah, bro, let’s go over there.” the kid said nervously.

“You hear that? Now get lost kids.”

Disgruntled and bickering, the bullies began to head back to the primary school.

“You won’t get away with this, Jules!” the bullies said as they stuck their tongue out.

“Hey are you alright? I’m assuming you’re Jules?” Kenith talked to him in a softer tone.

“Ye-yeah.” Jules answered back nervously.

“I know things got a bit hectic there but you’re safe now. Is there something you want to talk about?” Kenith decided to ask a question, to gauge Jules reaction.

“I-it’s about my toy car. I brought it to show and tell today, and… they wanted it.” Jules answered weakly.

“Which brings us to now. Yeah, it makes sense. Okay listen here Jules.” Kenith stooped down to Jules height.

“When someone says they want something, don’t let them take it away. It’s your choice after all. Also it’s good to rely on others, like the teacher. Don’t worry about being teased for that, it’s the right thing to do.” Kenith gives some advice related to what happened.

“I-I know, but it’s… hard. I get nervous around adults.” Jules answered.

“Well then, how about I stand in every now and then? It’s not like I’m doing much during lunch break anyways.” Kenith said plainly

“Really? That’s great!” Jules answered back excitedly.

“But it’s only a short while okay. We’re trying to build your confidence after all.”

“Okay… Also why did you step in?” Jules asked Kenith.

“You see, my friend was also in the same situation. I didn’t stick up for him back then and I regret it ever since. So I want to at least give you a better chance. He didn’t deserve that fate, and you don’t either.”

“An important friend?” Jules asked in a pondering tone.

“Yeah, very.” Kenith answered pensively.

“Actually what’s your name?”

“It’s Kenith. And you better not forget it.” He said with a laugh.

With a new purpose in life, suddenly, things didn’t feel so bad. Maybe I always wanted to help people with less power. With that realisation, Kenith began to look forward to living, taking on both his own thoughts, and of Allan.

From behind the tree, Sophia witnessed the events unfold.

“So it seemed he finally broke the cycle. What do you think, Daniel?”

From the other end of the phone, Daniel replied back.

“For an introductory ‘counselling’ session, if you could even call it that, I think it went smooth enough. You convinced him that there’s better things to do in life. Though I’m not sure talking about the secrets of reapers was a good idea.”

“Noted. I’ll remember that for next time.”

“You really need to soften up, okay. I know this is a work relationship but we’re still partners. It’ll also help when talking to other people. You know, like telling a joke.”

“How about a dad joke?” said Sophia.

“Not those again. Anything but those.” Daniel sighed from beyond the receiver.

The reaper's work has been done, but a lot more is to come her way. Not to mention, for Daniel as well. With their mentor and mentee relationship, the two will need to figure out their continued partnership and rules to help out clients. After all, they both have a stake in the newly developed reaper counselling department. With a lot of work behind the scenes, there’s no way they were backing out, or giving up.