Chapter 29: A Hateful Heart

Everyone worked tirelessly, the room filled with chatter and moving around. It looked like an ant colony at work. Even Leona got involved, helping pick up some of the heavier parts. They all seemed more invigorated compared to yesterday, much to Ferral’s surprise. He thought this would take quite a few days, but at the rate they were going, this project could get finished as early as tomorrow. Yet, he found himself oddly enjoying working with the group. They were all intelligent, professional…and kind. They didn’t look at him with resentment or hatred. Some have expressed their grievances with what Ferral has done, but it was never asked out of anger. No, their voices were more curious and even a few with concern, wondering what could have pushed him to do what he did.

The attention almost overwhelmed Ferral. He didn’t go into this expecting to be so social, nor did he think he would receive the level of personal interest that he got. He looked over at Leona, who freely opened up to everyone, telling stories of her upbringing while cracking a few jokes. That was always the difference between them; Leona was far more brash and outgoing compared to Ferral, who enjoyed keeping to himself and indulged in more casual conversations that weren’t about him. He chuckled, thinking back to how the roles were reversed when he first met her. What happened to him? Then he thought back to all the events that transpired after the two met.

Right, it all started flooding back in.

Every face, every voice, every emotion…every death. He remembered, and it only angered him. They hate us. They want us gone. We were cursed and spat on and thought of as nothing more than a disease. Ferral felt the rageful flame within his heart rise, boiling his blood. His crimson irises began to swirl yellow, but then the red and yellow dispersed. Being replaced by that dark blue, with his pupils once again becoming that same pure white. The sudden change strained his eyes, the sides became bloodshot, and it felt as though they were lit on fire. He snapped his screwdriver at the pen, wincing as he covered his eyes.

Some of the scientists next to him noticed and looked at him with worry. “Mr. Ferral, are you alright?” One asked while another tried to place her hand on his shoulder. He quickly swiped them away and jogged out of the room. Most of the room was wondering what was wrong.

He threw his back against the wall of the opposite hall. The pain was intense. It was the same pain he felt after fighting off the army that tried to attack his village. He pressed his left hand onto the wall, digging his claws into the metal layer. So much anger. He tried to calm himself down, hoping maybe that would fix it. Ferral took several deep breaths, slowly sliding down until he sat on the floor. His eyes slowly returned to normal, but the burning pain still lingered. He staggered up and made his way to the nearest bathroom.

After splashing his eyes with cold water for a few minutes, Ferral rested his hands on the sides of the sink. He stared at his reflection, examining every part of his miserable expression. He remembered how this was the same expression he kept for the start of his childhood. For his first five years, he felt nothing but hate and resentment toward the people of the Facility. Even at such a young age, anger filled his heart. Ferral always despised that he felt this, despite all the good he was given in his life. That hate was never fully removed, only buried.

No matter how hard he tried, Ferral could never rid that feeling. At his most joyful, the hate still lingered, its disgusting presence hovering over him. As he grew older, as he experienced the world around him, the hate only grew stronger. It relished in his suffering. It’s what kept him up at night, constantly filling his head with memories of the torture and isolation he faced. His friend’s lifeless bodies, which he could’ve prevented. It made him sick. But this wasn’t his fault. No, it was the humans. He didn’t ask for this life; they pushed him to this. Treated like trash, forced to hurt others; they were the cause of all his pain. For all his hate. He punched the mirror, and shattered glass fell onto the floor and into the sink.

As he continued staring at his broken reflection, Ferral wondered…were they solely to blame? It was his lack of strength to protect the ones he loved. His lack of mental fortitude that let the trials of the world to spiral him down a path of more pain. It was his obsession with wanting to remove what made him special that he went crawling to a monster like his father. Amber, Clare, Buck, Belle, Ezekial, Venus, Loni, Aurora, Zuri….their blood was on his hands. That’s when it hit him. The realization that while he hated the humans, there was something he hated even more. Himself. His hatred could never fully be cleansed because his very existence made him cringe in disgust. Everyone would still be alive if he had never existed.

What was he still even doing alive?

A knock at the door broke Ferral out of his trance. “Ferral, are you okay?” Leona’s voice sounded from the other side, “You’ve been gone for an hour.” Before he answered, he felt something in his right hand. He looked down to see that he was gripping a large piece of the broken glass. Ferral dropped it in the sink before turning around. “I’m fine!” He lied, “Just needed to use the restroom.” He made his way to the door and opened it, Leona standing there in dismay. She saw Ferral’s somber expression. “You’re not fine.” She placed a hand on his shoulder, but he knocked it away. “I’m perfectly fine.” His response was desolate and cold. He walked off, Leona slowly following, and the two walked back in silence.

Ferral stood outside the door to the lab, hesitant to open it. A pressure weighed on his body; he could feel the dark tendrils of his hate wrap around his heart and crawl up his throat. He shouldn’t feel this, and yet…

Why should you help them?

But I should; they’ve done nothing wrong.

They are the cause!

They’ve done nothing.

All your pain is because of them!

No, it’s my fault. Everything is MY fault!

THEIRS!!!

“MINE!!!!!” Ferral smashed the door, and they came down on the floor with a loud bang. He huffed, everyone in the room looking on, terrified. They all cowered in the corner of the room. People from other rooms peered their heads out to see what all the noise was. Ferral looked around, horrified eyes all locked on him. “God damnit!” He hissed through gritted teeth and stormed off.

For the rest of the day, Ferral sat on top of one of the towers, gazing up at the sky. The frigid air filled his lungs. Maybe he could stay out here and die of hypothermia. He heard the sound of scraping against the stone. Leona clawed herself up the tower.

“We’ve really gotta work on your anger issues.” Leona tried to joke as she walked over to Ferral. He didn’t respond, and she sat beside him. “Talk to me, Ferral. We can’t keep doing this silent act.” He continued to stay quiet, still looking at the sky. Leona sighed, joining him. “You know, when I first met you, I thought your overly positive attitude was insufferable,” Leona looked at Ferral, “But as time went on, the more that attitude faded. And I began to miss it. I could see just how much the ridicule of people had been getting to you, but I never tried to help you. I just…I assumed you’d bounce back like you did before, but you only got worse. I…I’m sorry.”

She gripped her pants as tears flooded her eyes, “What kind of friend am I? To sit back and let you suffer, only to try to do something when it was too late.” Ferral’s head slowly moved down until he looked down toward the distant city. “It’s not your fault.” Ferral muttered, “You could never help me. Or maybe you can.” Ferral closed his eyes and sighed. “I just feel so much hate. Toward what? I don’t know anymore. It grips my heart and fills my throat. No matter how hard I try…there’s no getting rid of it.”

Leona didn’t know how to respond; she wasn't even sure if she should. She slid her hand over his, gripping it tightly. She smiled, “If that’s the case, then I’ll do everything to get rid of that hate.” Ferral looked at her with mild surprise, “Can you?” His voice shaky, “Can you rid THIS much hate?” Leona nodded, “You bet your ass, you idiot. I’ll come after all that hate that’s in that heart of yours.”

“So will I!” Armin shouted from below. Ferral and Leona looked down to see that Armin had his head sticking out of one of the windows. “I firmly believe you’re not the monster others say you are, Mr. Ferral! I’ve seen what hate does to a person, so please, let me take on your hate too!” Hannah popped out her head too, “Me as well. No one should have any kind of hate in their heart, so please, let me take on your hate too!” Everett was the last one, moving between the others. “Ferral, it has been hard to forgive you for what you’ve done. I…I feel hate too, so please, let's get rid of our hate together!”

Ferral looked at everyone, completely stunned. Something tugged at his heart, but it wasn’t hate. No, it…it was…hope. Even if he felt for a moment, that moment filled him with warmth. He grinned, a genuine smile, and nodded. “Thank you. All of you.”