Recovery

My calculations were never off. Therefore, death was something I never had to fear. The only time I had to fear death was when I fled America. The destruction and helpless feelings were things I thought I’d left behind. But seeing Chiaki killed, and seeing Yuka’s power awaken… those feelings returned. Am I human? I feel like laughing. Is that a normal human response?

I stood in my room, the lights shut off. Cloaked in darkness, I stared at the mirror in my small bathroom. I could see. It was dark but I could still see. Was that normal? Most likely not. Ever since that day I drowned in the abyssal river, I’ve been able to see in darkness. That’s not the only thing that was different though.

“You couldn’t save her. You couldn’t save any of them, Azarin.” The raspy voice seemed to echo all around me. I didn’t look at the mirror. Instead I looked at my hands. I could see black veins, and purple mist coming off them. When I blinked, they were normal again.

“No. Not now… go away…” I mumbled but it was to no avail.

“You’ll never save anyone. But I… I could save them all. Why won’t you let me?” I grit my teeth, clenching the bathroom sink.

“You’re wrong. You have no power!” I snapped. I then looked at the mirror. In the reflection, I could see the right half of my face covered by shadows. My right eye gave off a bright purple glow.

“No power? Your body is simply a shell I haven’t been able to crack yet. But I’m sure you’ll break… afterall, you can’t even control your own power.” When the voice said that, I looked down. The sink was cracking. I reached a hand up, putting it over my face as my body trembled. 

I could see her. Her body, Yuka’s sorrow… all of it. I began to laugh. Even though the voice had gone away, their words echoed in my head. The mirror shattered.

~~~~

I opened my eyes, staring up at a rectangular light above me. It was much too bright. My body felt like a truck had run over it five times before getting impaled by a spear. I could barely lift my arm. I could see it was bandaged, with some IVs hooked up. Being able to focus now, I could hear several machines beeping. So… I’m alive.

I should’ve been relieved. I should have been thankful. But I felt nothing. Instead I gazed blankly at the light above me. Watchers… The Lich… all of it. What even is it for? Why did… Why did she have to die? I was so lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t noticed Kang sitting next to me until he reached out, gently laying a hand on my arm.

“Yuka… how are you feeling?” he asked gently. I didn’t reply at first, looking up at the ceiling. When I spoke, it was almost a whisper.

“When I first arrived here… I felt so lost. Not only that, I felt powerless, pathetic even. Yet–she was there to help me. She was so kind, and so caring. It was because of her that I picked up that blade. Then when she needed me most, when I was the only one that could save her…” I trailed off, slowly putting my arm over my eyes as tears welled up.

“Sh-She was right there Kang. Right in front of me and I–I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t do a thing.” My body shook with sobs as I stopped talking. Even after the battle, after I killed that miserable creature, it didn’t hurt any less. 

As I cried there, feeling pathetic, Kang gently rubbed my arm. He didn’t say anything. I knew it was because he felt it. He knew her longer than I did, and when she died I could see the pain in his gaze.

“She was like you, you know,” Kang said after a moment. I lifted my arm a bit to look at him. He looked off to the side, a faraway look in his eyes.

“She wanted to protect people. To save everyone she could…” Kang said softly, his hand moving to hold mine.

“I thought it was for the money,” I replied softly. Kang shook his head with a sad chuckle.

“Nah. That was part of it, but she also wanted to keep us safe. That’s why she learned so much healing magic,” Kang explained. I lowered my arm.

“I know nothing I can say will bring Chiaki back. But there is one thing I think you should see. She was always recording diary entries and… well. I think you should be the one to go through them,” Kang said, pulling a laptop from his lap. I quickly shook my head.

“No, I don’t have the right, I didn’t know her as well as the rest of–” I began but Kang put his hand to my mouth.

“You had the strength to avenge her, and also save us. I don’t think we could have won that without you. Besides… Kti isn’t ready for something like this, Azarin’s been locked in his room for the past three days, and I–I can’t,” Kang explained. He then set the laptop beside my bed on a small white table.

“Whenever you feel ready, take a look. I know it’s a lot to ask, and it might just make you feel worse… but honestly, I think she’d be okay with it if she was here,” Kang explained before standing. As he turned to leave, I grabbed his hand.

“Kang… please take care of yourself,” I said gently. Kang looked back at me in surprise before he forced a smile.

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me, Yuka,” he replied before walking to the automatic sliding door. I looked towards the laptop. Three days huh? Have I been out that long? Or maybe longer. I hope the others are able to recover. Kang’s forced smile lingered in my head. Out of everyone, I was worried about him the most.