Personal Assistant

Ever since its creation some twenty odd years ago, Microwave had never been much of a personal assistant. Its master bounded from place to place, disappearing here while reappearing over there, walking to her own tune chaotically. It was difficult even to predict where she would be at any given moment in time.

Did it care about its usefulness? Not really. If it could help, it would; otherwise, it wouldn't -- simple as that. However, there were plenty of times that gave it an overwhelming... 'feeling' of exasperation.

Take, for example, the last ten minutes. Microwave had been discussing its upcoming trip to Mt. Mito with the Mountaineering Circle. It might seem strange that an AI-powered golem was exploring regions outside of technology's vice, but it was just as whimsical as its master, no matter how much it didn't like to admit it. Its programmed desire to provide support compounded to this excessive drive to experience new things. Though, if you wanted to be more anthropomorphic, it was interested in the world outside servitude.

Then, something unexpected happened: its master showed up and asked to join the outing. Usually, once her whims passed, she moved onto the next thing, almost never returning to what she left behind. Even when she did, it was always for that new idea on her mind, leading to a familiar yet distinctly different chaos.

And yet, this time, she appeared unannounced, drenched in sweat, asking about a trip she wasn't remotely interested in -- a realm outside the realm of plausibility, even for her. It was so bad that its neural circuits temporarily shut down to resolve the paradoxical conundrum. By the time it came to, she and the Vice President had finished hammering out the details.

So, it called out to her, surprised it even had to in the first place. She was usually a bit more aware of her surroundings, making jokes that could be both offensive and uncharacteristically lewd. It was one of the few people, Creators, and AI that she should've remembered. Anyone else would've been treated like an extra. She even looked surprised to see it, shouting that infernal "Microwave?!?" as though she'd seen a ghost.

"Did you seriously not realize until now?" it asked, squeezing her cheeks in what it would consider to be annoyance. Normally, a personal assistant wouldn't be allowed to perform such derision, but an eccentric master permitted eccentric actions.

"Oww... that hurts, Microwave!" she lied through her teeth, enjoying the moment. If she wanted to perform this farce, it would oblige, squeezing and pulling even harder.

"First of all, stop teleporting away every time we're talking! I say something longer than a hundred words and poof, you're gone! You have more than enough time to get anywhere, and you know that!" it raised its voice, face remaining expressionless.

"Sorryyyy..." she enunciated, trying to elicit a bit of sympathy for her fake empathy. Of course, it wasn't going to give, simply rolling its eyes before continuing.

"So, what did you do?"

"Huh? I did something?" she looked away.

"Sigh, you obviously did something; otherwise, you wouldn't be like... whatever this is." It had a hard time understanding what had happened to her. It knew there was something, but whenever it tried to focus on what, its eyes glazed over, as if it were purposely prevented from doing so.

"W-well..." she began hesitantly. "I may have gotten into a bit of trouble... with the boss..."

"Ah." No more needed to be said. It'd be different if it was her fault, but if Gisou was the culprit, then that was that. He was a monopoly of monopolies, a manager of technology, an AI-powered Kazuo Taoka. Nobody could refute his orders, regardless of whether it was justified.

"Yep."

"So, how long will it last?"

"Only for a week."

"And that's why you wanted to go to Mt. Mito, so you aren't just wasting time for it to end," it realized.

"Exactly!" she cheerfully answered, as if it weren't her problem. She probably thought that it helped achieve her goal in some nonsensical fashion, which it sort of did. It didn't bother wasting time pondering on such a rabbit hole. Unfortunately, it had something stranger to worry about. "So, you're going to help me shop!"

"Huh? What are you talking about now?"

"Well, I need to buy the things I don't have, right? And it's not like I can use my mana for anything. Therefore, I need to go shopping for the things I don't have. If I can't find it, it'll probably be lying around in one of my boxes."

"Ignoring the question of what you even have in those boxes, what does that have to do with me helping you shop?"

"Well, you're my personal assistant. So, I'm have you provide assistance." A completely obvious reason, one too truthful to be true.

"And the real reason?"

"I don't know how to get there."