Lesson Six: One Snack Each!

The automatic doors slid open with a gentle ding-dong chime that should have served as a warning bell.

Mutsuki, two superhuman children, and six disguised yokai finally entered the convenience store.

Mutsuki hissed, ‘STAY TOGETHER!’

Not. They dissolved like smoke into the aisles.

‘NO!’ Mutsuki raised his arms to put an invisible barrier in front of the children.

Too late. Chaos began instantaneously.

Gon, his proclaimed little fan, was the first to betray him. The perfectly disguised kitsune headed straight for the promotional snack stand.

The staff watched in mild confusion as Gon took one free sample cracker, then another, then, after looking left and right grabbed the entire bowl. The little Kitsune imagined he was committing a heist.

‘Gon!’ Mutsuki whisper-yelled. ‘You take ONE!’

‘I am taking one,’ Gon said innocently. ‘One bowl.’

‘PUT IT BACK.’

‘But I’m hungry!’

‘You just had snacks!’

Meanwhile, Sumire had discovered the beverage aisle. Rows of bottled water, tea, and sports drinks glittered before her like a sacred shrine of hydration. The kappa’s eyes widened.

‘So much… hydration…’

She began opening caps. POP. POP. POP.

‘SUMIRE, NO! You can’t open them!’

‘Why make water so imprisoned?’ she demanded. Offended on water’s behalf.

‘Because it’s FOR SALE!’

He frantically screwed caps back on, magically sealing them, as a confused elderly man stared in bemused horror. Then there was Meow. The moment she saw the cat-food aisle, she went absolutely still. A tiny cat girl predator sensing prey.

‘Sensei…’ she whispered. ‘It calls to me.’

‘No. No, it does not.’

‘It says… meow meow eat meow…’

She reached toward a can. Her illusion flickered. Her cat ears reappeared and twitched aggressively.

‘MEOW! YOUR EARS! YOUR EARS ARE SHOWING!’

‘Sorry!’ She slapped her ears down a little too hard and knocked over an entire pyramid of canned tuna.

CRASH. CLATTER. CLANG.

A staff member stared. Meow stared back.

Mutsuki bowed at a ninety-degree angle. ‘I’m so, so sorry! She loves cats! I mean she is a cat! I MEAN… SHE’S NOT A CAT!’

Mutsuki almost teared up in front of the staff. He dragged Meow away like a frantic parent holding an unhinged child. 

Mon wasn’t far behind in causing problems. He wandered the store holding his magician hat open like a cosmic vacuum. Everything around him ended up inside it.

A loaf of bread? Gone. A magazine? In the hat. A banana? Inside. A whole umbrella? Where did it even come from?

‘Mon?! Why is there an umbrella in your hat?!’

‘I don’t know!’ he cried helplessly. ‘It jumped!’

‘Umbrellas do not jump!’

‘Tanuki hats doooo!’

Mutsuki had to pull items out like a magician performing. The cashier’s mouth dropped open and got bigger and bigger as more unbelievably huge things were pulled out. When a pack of daikon radishes popped out, her mouth had already reached the floor. Mutsuki almost passed out from all the bowing he did.

Honey, meanwhile, had wandered off to create emotional devastation. He hugged every tall fridge cooler. Then a shelf. Then the bread rack. With deep, heartfelt sincerity.

‘Honey… Why are you hugging everything?!’

‘It feels lonely,’ he whispered while patting a drink cooler.

‘The fridges feel lonely?’

‘Sensei… look at them… they’re cold…’

One staff member melted into a puddle of emotional ruin. ‘AWWWWWW’

Mutsuki mouthed silently, ‘Help me.’

Akashi was inevitably drawn toward the meat aisle like gravity itself. He froze in front of pork cutlets. He stared hard. Another predator coming out to hunt.

‘…meat,’ he whispered, but getting his body ready for a howl.

Mutsuki seized him. ‘We do not howl in Lawzon.’

‘I wasn’t going to!’

‘You were transforming.’

‘I wasn’t!!’ His eyes glowed. 

He very much was. And then there was tiny Oni Kishin. 

He saw a chocolate bar, pointed, and whispered, ‘Sensei… can I have…?’

‘No sweets until after lunch.’

His lip trembled. His eyes filled with tears. His illusion flickered violently. A horn began sprouting, piercing through the helmet. 

‘KISHIN NO! Please! Please do not transform in the convenience store!’

Too late. He burst into tears. The lights overhead flickered with ominous oni static.

Kojiro, meanwhile, had taken up a post in the magazine corner like a security guard. One of the cover page girls happened to remind him of Youchan. When a teenager walked by and bumped him lightly, Kojiro puffed up and let out a full tengu squawk.

The teen, despite being two times bigger than him, froze. Kojiro, after seeing that he scared the bigger human child by accident, also froze. Mutsuki’s spirit could be seen leaving his body through his mouth. 

‘Kojiro,’ he said through clenched teeth, ‘humans cannot squawk.’

‘He stepped too close,’ Kojiro muttered defensively.

‘Why did you squawk at him?’

‘It was a warning signal.’

A staffer quietly pressed the emergency assistance button. 

Another whispered, ‘Why are they like this…?’

One child cried. Three argued. Mon somehow tried to buy a mop. Meow got stuck inside a shopping basket. Gon reappeared at the cashier with four packs of spicy chips. The illusion spell flickered like a dying light bulb. 

Mutsuki realized the entire class was 0.01 seconds from going full yokai. His eye twitched. He inhaled.

‘Children.’

The teacher voice activated. The one powered by divine exhaustion, maybe a bit of his own magical power too.

Everything froze. Even the magazines.

‘Come. Here.’

Eight little bodies shuffled over like guilty gremlins. Still impossibly patient, Mutsuki knelt down to match their level.

‘We are guests in this store. That means we behave politely. One snack each. No magic. No transforming. No yelling. And no hugging the refrigerators. Understood? I will give you one more chance.’

Eight tiny voices whispered, ‘Hai…’

Someone added quietly, ‘…The refrigerators did look cold.’

‘No more comments about refrigerators... Please.’

With Youchan-like composure, Mutsuki put everything back. He apologized to staff. Rebuilt the tuna tower. Returned the umbrella. Pulled Meow out of the basket. Stopped Kishin’s tears. Bribed Akashi away from the meat with melon soda. Confiscated the bowl of samples from Gon. And made Mon repeat, “Shopping is not magic” three times.

Finally, FINALLY! They each picked ONE snack and ONE drink. Mutsuki paid fast enough to break records.

The cashier stared at him like he’d survived a supernatural warzone.

‘You’re… a teacher?’

‘Unfortunately.’

They bowed in sympathy.

At last, they stepped outside. Little helmets bobbing. Tiny feet pattering. Snacks secured. Manners restored.

‘Say thank you,’ Mutsuki reminded them.

‘ARIGATOU GOZAIMASHITA!’ the children shouted in unison.

The staff melted on the spot.

Outside, the kids cheered and decided to race back to the shrine. They stopped on their tracks when they spotted Youchan waiting at the base of the hill.

‘Welcome back. How was it?’

Eight children ran to her immediately.

‘It was scary!’

‘Sensei almost died!’

‘Sensei was scary!’

‘Oy.’

‘Sensei yelled at meat!’

‘Sensei saved Meow from a basket!’

‘Sensei said refrigerators aren’t lonely!!’

Youchan turned to Mutsuki and failed to keep a straight face.

He rubbed his temples. ‘…It went fine... Ish.’

‘Of course it did,’ she laughed warmly. ‘You all had fun, humans are safe, and you brought them back unharmed. That’s a perfect day out.’

Her melodic laughter filled the air until Mutsuki couldn’t help smiling too. Before long, he was laughing right along with her.

The children watched them carefully. Then exchanged the most suspicious, knowing grins in existence.