Akashi’s Not-So-Terrible, Actually-Okay Day

Saturdays are supposed to be the best.

No school. No homework. No illusions. No ‘’Akashi, control your transformations please’’. Just me. Food. And naps. That is the Werewolf Pup Ideal Life.

For some reason, this Saturday did not care about my ideals.

It started okay. I woke up, ate three bowls of rice, two sausages, and half a fish my mom said was ‘ That’s for dinner, Akashi!!’, then I rolled onto the floor and announced, ‘I’m hibernating.’

‘You’re not a bear,’ Mom sighed as she stepped over me with the laundry basket.

‘I could be,’ I mumbled into the tatami. ‘There is one from the class.’

Dad appeared in the doorway, serious as always. ‘Akashi.’

I peeked one eye open. ‘Mm?’

‘You’re supposed to meet your cousins at the riverside park today. Remember?’

Right. That thing. The ‘playdate’.

Except playdates with my cousins are never just playdates. They are Training Sessions. Pack Socialization. Pup Hierarchy Establishment. 

In normal words, they run around and remind me I am ‘weird’.

I dragged myself up, tugged on my hoodie, stuffed a rice ball in my mouth, and shuffled toward the door.

‘Don’t transform in public,’ Mom called after me.

‘I know,’ I said.

‘Even if they annoy you.’

‘I know.’

‘Even if they tease you.’

‘I know.’

Dad added, ‘Remember…control comes from your own strength.’

I nodded, even though I only half understood. It is not my fault I can transform in the daytime. Or when I am annoyed. Or when a pigeon looks at me funny. It just happens.

Which is why I am in the misfit class. Lucky me.

The riverside park was full of humans that could not see us properly, and yokai that definitely could. Little kids ran, human and not-so-human, playing tag, flying kites, chasing bubbles.

My cousins were near the big tree. Three of them. All older, cooler and better at not wolfing out randomly.

‘Hey, Akashi,’ one of them said, ruffling my hair too hard. ‘Heard you’re still in the special school.’

‘It’s not that special,’ another smirked. ‘It’s the ‘don’t explode near humans’ class.’

They laughed. 

I shrugged, trying to be cool. ‘We get snacks.’

‘We get freedom,’ the oldest cousin said. ‘We only transform under the moon. Like proper wolves.’

The words stung. I looked away and kicked at the grass.

It is not my fault.

We started playing soccer. At first it was okay. I am fast even in human form. My legs know how to move. My body likes to run. But then one of them decided to ‘test my control’.

He stole my shoe. Literally grabbed it off my foot and kicked it into the river.

‘Oops,’ he grinned. ‘Gotta stay calm, Akashi. Don’t want to turn into a mutt in front of everyone, right?’

Everyone looked. Human kids. Yokai kids. My face burned.

‘Give it back,’ I growled.

‘Can’t. It’s in the river.’

He pushed my shoulder just a little. Not enough for grown-ups to notice, but enough for my anger to spark. 

And that spark became a flame. My heartbeat roared in my ears. My fingernails tingled. My teeth ached.

No. No. Not here. Not now.

‘Stop,’ I whispered to myself with shkaing voice.

He laughed. ‘Are you gonna cry or transform?’

The world tilted. The sun felt too bright. My ears stretched. My tail twitched free. Fur puffed out at my wrists. Even my illusion magic on top snapped like old rubber. 

Pup form. Again.

In the middle of the park.

My cousins swore. ‘Akashi, seriously?!’ As if they didn’t so this to me.

A few human kids blinked, then rubbed their eyes, seeing only a ‘dog’ because of the ambient veil. But other yokai stared, pointed and whispered.

‘That’s the one who turns without the moon.’

‘My mom says he’s unstable.’

‘My dad says he’s dangerous.’

My chest squeezed so tight I could not breathe. I bolted away from the park. Away from my cousins. Away from the river. Ears flat in discouragement, yy tiny paws pounded the path until I ended up on the hill that leads up to Youchan’s shrine.

Of course.

My paws slowed. My fur trembled. I wanted to go home. But my home right then was not the house with my parents, or the park with my cousins. It was the place where someone had said, ‘‘You like naps and food? Same. You’ll fit right in’’, So I climbed.

The shrine was quiet. The air smelled like wood and incense and a little bit like Youchan’s herbs. I padded across the stones. Hurtful words still rung in my ear.

Unstable. Dangerous. I hate those words. I hate them so much my fur bristled again.

‘…Akashi?’

His voice was soft. I turned and saw him.

Mutsuki-sensei in weekend clothes. No frills. Just a loose shirt and soft pants. He knelt near the offering box and was sorting through a basket of little paper charms. His pink whiskers from the other kids’ marker prank had faded a bit.

He looked at me with concern. I froze in the spot. He’s kinda cool without the full female look.

‘Are you alright?’

He walked closer and knelt down so we were eye-level.

‘You know,’ he said gently, ‘most people use the stairs in human form.’

I whined. I didn’t mean to, but it came out automatically in respond to him.

He smiled a little. ‘Rough day?’

My tail and ears drooped. He held out his arms.

I’m not some “cute” wolf toy…

I stared. Then moved forward. I climbed straight into his lap and buried my face in his shirt. I did not cry. Some certain Oni kid I know cry explosively. Werewolf pups just… shake a little, like wet dogs. 

Well me, at least. I’m strong.

His hands were careful. One on my back. One behind my head, scratching softly between my ears.

That’s… nice.

‘Want to tell me what happened?’ he asked.

I mumbled into his shirt, voice muffled by fur. ‘Mmmm… I transformed.’

‘Ah.’

‘Again.’

‘Ah.’

‘In the park.’

‘Ouch.’

‘They called me unstable.’

His hands stilled for a moment. Then started moving again in slow and gentle strokes.

‘Who did?’

‘Cousins. Other kids.’ I dug my claws into his sleeves. ‘They only turn with the moon. I turn whenever. They say I’m broken.’

He took a loooooong breath. His heartbeat under my ear was calm, even though his silence felt heavy. 

‘Do you know what would happen if I used my voice carelessly?’

I sniffed. ‘Everyone would… cry?’

‘Or laugh. Or go silent. Or fall in love. Or go insane.’ He said it matter-of-factly, not bragging (He should). ‘Some of my family calls it a gift. Half of them calls it dangerous.’

I looked up at him. ‘You’re… dangerous?’

‘Apparently,’ he said wryly. ‘That’s why I have to look like a girl to dampen it. Why I sing carefully. Why I teach instead of perform in domes now.’

He stroked my ears.

‘So when they say you’re unstable, what they mean is… they’re scared. Because they don’t understand what you can do.’

‘What can I do?’ I whispered.

He booped my nose.

‘Transform without waiting for permission from the sky, for one thing. That’s kind of cool.’

I snorted. Did I pick that up from him?

He stood and lifted me with him. I tucked my paws against his chest as he carried me toward the back of the shrine.

‘Come on,’ he said. ‘If you’re going to transform when you’re annoyed anyway, we might as well make it useful.’

‘Useful?’

‘Training.’

We reached the back clearing where the kids sometimes played. It’s flat ground with trees around. It was safe for the likes of us yokai. Youchan made sure it was so. Maria too. Mutsuki sensei set me down gently.

‘Okay, Wolf Pup,’ he said. ‘Show me annoyed.’

‘I’m already annoyed,’ I grumbled.

‘Perfect. Now instead of running away from it, try listening to it.’

‘Listening to my annoyance?’

‘Yeah. Where is it?’ 

I frowned. ‘Chest.’

‘What shape is it?’

‘A rock,’ I muttered. ‘A spiky rock.’

‘Good,’ he said. ‘Now. Wolves don’t ignore rocks in their path. They move around them. Or push them aside. They don’t close their eyes and pretend they’re not there.’

He took a step back.

‘Try walking. Slowly. No running. No sprinting. Just move. With the feeling still there.’

I stared at him. ‘This is weird, Sensei.’

‘So is transforming at the bus stop,’ he deadpanned. ‘Work with me.’

I shuffled forward on four paws. The rock feeling stayed. But it didn’t get bigger.

‘Now,’ he said softly, ‘try breathing. In for four steps. Out for four.’

We walked. In. Out.

My ears stopped ringing. The fur on my arms lay flatter. The rock felt less spiky.

‘Annoyed still?’ he asked.

‘Yeah.’

‘Transforming?’

I looked at myself. I was still in pup form. But my claws weren’t itching. My teeth weren’t buzzing. It felt stable somehow.

‘Not worse,’ I muttered.

He smiled. ‘That’s all control is, Akashi. Not ‘never changing’… just ‘not getting worse’.’

We walked in circles. Then lines. Then loops. He hummed a little tune to keep the rhythm. It made my paws move easier. My tail even started to wag.

After a while he said, ‘Alright. Want to try changing back?’

I hesitated. Changing back is the part I hate most. It feels like squeezing into clothes that are too small.

‘On three,’ he said. ‘No rush. One breath at a time. One… two…’

By the time he reached ‘’three’’, I was human again. Panting and sweaty, but at least not shaking.

He grinned. ‘See? You did that. Not the moon. Not instinct. You.’

I stared at my hands. My small, human hands.

‘…I did,’ I whispered.

We cheered and skipped. Up, down. Up, down. I was surprisingly not annoyed anymore. I was happy. We jumped until we flopped onto the grass, lying on our backs, staring at the sky through the leaves.

‘Sensei?’ I asked.

‘Mm?’

‘Do you ever… wish you didn’t have your power?’

Silence.

‘Every day,’ he said quietly. Then, after a moment, ‘Less now.’

‘Why?’

‘Because of you lot,’ he said. ‘Because if my power let me help you even once today, maybe it’s not just a curse.’

The idea felt huge.

‘And me?’ I asked. ‘Do you think I’m dangerous?’

He turned his head to look at me. His eyes were very serious. But also very kind. Like a good adult.

‘I think you’re a pup who feels things very strongly,’ he said. ‘And that kind of heart can either bite… or protect.’

He nudged my shoulder. ‘And from what I’ve seen, you choose protect more than bite.’

My throat tightened.

‘Even when I transform at bad times?’

‘Especially then,’ he said. ‘Because you always come back.’

We lay there a while longer. The wind was soft. I could hear the shrine bells faintly. Eventually I sat up.

‘I’m gonna go back to the park,’ I said.

He blinked. ‘Are you sure?’

I nodded. ‘If I run away, they win. Plus my shoe is still in the river.’

He snorted. ‘Right. The noble quest for footwear.’

We walked down to the base of the hill together. At the bottom, I stopped. I had to ask.

‘Sensei?’

‘Yeah?’

‘If I transform again… can I come back here?’

He looked tired, but he smiled warmly. He looked proud of me. I think.

‘This place is a shrine,’ he said. ‘It’s made for people who don’t know where else to go.’ 

I grinned. ‘Then I’ll come bug you a lot.’

‘I’m counting on it,’ he replied.

When I got back to the riverside, my cousins were still there. They stared when they saw me.

One of them coughed. ‘You ran off.’

‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘I was mad.’

‘You’re always mad,’ the oldest scoffed lightly.

Normally that would have made the rock feeling spike again. But this time, it didn’t. I walked past them, straight into the river, rolled up my pants, and fished around until I grabbed my soggy shoe from between two rocks.

‘Got it,’ I said.

‘Do you… want to play more?’ one of them asked awkwardly.

I thought about it. Then shrugged. ‘Maybe later. I have training now.’

‘What kind of training?’ they asked.

I smiled slightly.

‘The kind where I don’t bite you when you’re annoying.’

They looked at each other then laughed. 

For the first time, the laughter didn’t feel like claws.

That night, in my journal for Maria, I drew a picture of me and Sensei walking in circles. Me as a tiny wolf pup, him humming with music notes around his head.

Under it I wrote, in wobbly letters:

‘My anger doesn’t make me broken. It just means I have extra energy. Sensei says I can choose where to run with it.’