With the Right Lighting, Pt. 3

"What's up with you, huh?" I scoffed. "Never seen you like this before."

"Heh. Yeah? Well, what can I say? Life just sucks."

We locked eyes. The serenity she usually carried — fake or not — was nowhere to be found. In its place was something heavy, raw, and painfully familiar.

No… I had seen her like this before. On that bridge.

Maybe this was the real Megumi. Not the smug grin, not the teasing confidence, not the playful arrogance she wore like a uniform. This — trembling, exhausted, stripped of every defense — felt more honest than anything she'd shown me until now.

For the first time since we met, I had no doubt: the person in front of me wasn't performing. She wasn't acting. She was just... Megumi.

"Did you just get here?" she asked, still on the ground.

"Just about. Was here long enough to overhear what went down between you and your manager."

"I see."

"That guy's got some serious issues, talking down on you like that. I mean, you're the Megumi no Hana. What gives him the right?"

"It happens."

"It shouldn't. Why are you saying that as if it's a normal, everyday occurrence?

"...Because it is. Welcome to my life, Shohei — the life of the Megumi no Hana, an actor and a model. I've got a massive following on social media. People at home watch me on television. I'm rich, I get everything done for me, and my life really couldn't be any easier. I shouldn't complain, right? Most people would drop everything just to be in my position, and I don't blame them. I love this job. I love being someone important, because it makes me feel like I'm valued. At least... That's how I used to feel."

Megumi scrunched up even more.

"But the truth is that it really isn't that easy. I haven't had a real day off in maybe two years. At my birthday event, I wasn't even allowed to eat my own cake. Have to keep the fans happy, so I'm not allowed to do much outside of work. No going out with friends, no hanging out at the mall, not even something as simple as a walk in the park. Hah... Some good that did me, because look where I am now. Rock-bottom, fallen off, ugly — that's what they're saying about me online."

She took a deep breath.

"Doesn't matter, though. That's just part of showbiz. Some people might say that it's an easy sacrifice to make, but to me, it's the complete opposite. I wanna do all the things I wanna do, eat all the food I wanna eat, and just... be my own person. But I can't. I have an image to keep, so now I'm stuck in this cycle where if I do one, I can't even dream of doing the other. How is that fair? Why can't I make my own decisions? Why can't I be who I wanna be? Why..."

Her voice hitched.

"W-why can't I, for once in my life, feel like I belong somewhere? In a place... where someone might actually want me around?" 

"Megumi..."

"I kept telling myself things would get better. They didn't. I thought I could endure it. I was wrong. The words of total strangers? Yeah, they get to me. More than I thought they would. I didn't want them to win. But I got so tired that I eventually gave up. I'm not real. Just a smiling mannequin for people to admire. No thoughts or feelings of my own. That was when I decided... Since no one wants me around, I'll just disappear. I'll... I'll just..."

She stopped there.

Her voice was so small and tired — like this was something she'd gone through time and time again, yet never fully got used to. As she shouldn't. And even though she was just a stranger I met by chance... it hurt me, hearing her talk like that.

She's famous, rich, and she can do whatever she wants. But the sad reality is that she can't do whatever she wants. To keep the fans happy and to maintain stardom, she had to give up so much more. At the end of the day, she's a person with a life. That's why I pulled her away from the edge, yet I failed to see past the façade until now.

And that left me. Of all people, she opened up to me. Not her manager, not some other celebrity or friend — me, a guy who happened to be at the right place at the right time.

Didn't know what to think of it. Didn't know how to react. But right now, Megumi was shriveled up in front of me, clearly hurt. At least I knew what to do about that.

With a deep breath, I walked over to meet her across the dressing room. Kneeling next to her, I reached into the inner pocket of my jacket and slipped out a small plastic wrap.

"That's...?"

"Curry bread," I replied. "Only a prototype, though. After my last class, I went to the grocery store to grab some ingredients. Never made it before, so I thought I'd give it a shot and surprise you. Wasn't as easy as I thought, that's for sure."

"Is this... why you were late?"

"Pretty much."

For a moment, she stared at the curry bread before taking it, unwrapping it, and leaning in for a small bite. Thank God it was still crunchy, because that also meant the curry inside was still warm.

She chewed. Then suddenly... she let out a sharp exhale as tears rolled down once more.

My heart immediately sank.

"W-wha—?! Is it that bad? I swear, I followed the recipe perfectly! Does it taste bland? Bitter? Maybe I didn't add enough curry. O-or maybe—"

"Pfft... Haha~"

She laughed. Even though the tears betrayed it, she was laughing, covering her mouth to keep any stray bits from spilling out.

"You're so stupid, Shohei."

"I..." was all I could say.

"Relax. It doesn't taste bad. Quite the opposite. I always imagined what curry tasted like, but I never actually got to try it for myself. Well, the same could be said about a lot of things, but this... it tastes even better than what I had in mind."

"T-then why are you...?"

"Ah. Don't mind these tears. I'm just... feeling a lot better now. Thanks to you."

I didn't know what to say. All I could do was watch as she finished the curry bread, smiling yet crying at the same time. So instead, I leaned my head against the back of a table, a smile of my own tugging at the corner of my lips.

I couldn't tell what she was thinking. Maybe I never would. But somehow, I'd grown more comfortable around her than I wanted to admit.

Mid-bite, Megumi tilted her head.

"You look like you have something you wanna say."

"Well, I mean..." 

"Go on. I just spilled my heart to you. Whatever you have to say, I'm sure it won't be as cringeworthy as what I said."

"What? No, you weren't being cringe. It's just..."—I let out a long, uneasy sigh—"Honestly, I'm not sure what to make of this. I'd always known something was hiding under that mask you wear, but I didn't think it was this bad. You drift through life as if nothing gets to you, and you barge into my space more than anyone I've ever met. I know, I know. It's my fault for offering up my place on a whim. Besides the point. Anyway, I can't make your situation better. So, at the very least, I just wanna say... I see you. You're real to me, and... W-well..."

"Pfft~ Hehe..."

I looked up, and the moment I did, my heart skipped a beat. She was smiling, but not only that... She was smiling at me.

"You're really bad at this, you know that?"

"I... I'm trying."

"I know you are. And I appreciate it, Shohei. Really."

Megumi stood up, brushing the dust off her clothes.

"Well... That's that, I guess. The photoshoot ended earlier than expected. Guess they didn't like my new style or whatever. Not that I care either way. Anyway, you free, Shohei? That curry bread renewed my appetite. Let's get some—"

"Megumi."

I stood to meet her face-to-face.

Why? Because I just had an intrusive thought, and it was winning me over.

As I mentioned, I can't make her situation better... but maybe I can. There's a way, and it's worth a shot. Don't know why I'm going this far, but it's something I wanna do.

"Personally... I think you look great this way," I said. "Not that you didn't before, but... y-you get what I mean. All that's left is to make the rest of the world see what I see."

"Huh? How are we supposed to do that?"

"Well, you've got a large following on social media, don't you?"

"Yeah?"

"And I've got a camera..."

It took her a moment, but when she finally realized what I had meant, her lips curled into an uncontrollable smile.

"Ahem," she cleared her throat and straightened her posture. "Here I was, wondering when you'd finally give in. After all, what kind of photographer could resist snapping a few shots of me?"

"And suddenly, that narcissistic bravado is back..."

"Pfft~"

This time, her smile wasn't fake. And that wink... I don't think that was fake either.

"It's not narcissism. I'm just pointing out a fact. Anyway, let's go. I'll show you what real perfection is, Shohei."