Stranglehold

The day would not end for Mukashi. He let Miya think about what she wanted to ask while he motioned for her to eat the small serving of bibimbap he'd ordered for her dinner. She sat down at the small table in the tour bus and began to eat quietly.
     "With regards to your earlier question about writing your own song, the answer is no."
     The spoonful of rice she'd raised towards her mouth stopped slowly, and she lowered it back to the plate with a gentle frown.
     Miya's breathing was slow and controlled. She looked at Mukashi as he sat across from her on the tour bus and her right hand clenched into a delicate fist as it rested on the table.
     "W-why can't I?"
     Mukashi breathed slightly when Miya spoke to him. He could tell that her voice was sad again.
     "Zygeist Media does not let artists write their own songs because of the added workload it would create. Your schedule is already full."
     "B-but we're approaching the off-season next week. You said so yourself. I could t-take up songwriting."
     Mukashi wondered what Miya would sing about.
     "No." He said calmly. "As your manager, I cannot allow you to stress yourself with the added pressure of songwriting."
     "B-but I... I just want-" She was interrupted by Mukashi.
     "Fofu wrote her own songs." 
     The tour bus became deathly silent. 
     Miya felt saltwater well up in her eyes at the mention of the hateful idol. She looked down at the bibimbap on the table. Mukashi spoke again.
     "You know what happened to her." His voice was calm. "It is my job to make you prosper and take care of your career. What else did you want to ask me?"
     Miya looked at the food on her plate and thought about what the girl with the strange shirt had asked her. She glanced back at Mukashi as he sat there, patiently waiting for her question.
     The idea of being in a relationship with Mukashi, in that moment, had never seemed less appealing; but at the same time, she wondered about it.
     His gray hair and eyes, his lithe and athletic frame, his strong chin. They were all so handsome when she didn't think about the man who possessed them. She could almost look at him like a puzzle; there were pieces that were prettier or more beautiful than others, and when you looked at the pieces when they weren't put together, you might think that the final result of the puzzle would be magnificent.
     Mukashi was not.
     "I-I was," she closed her eyes behind her bangs and breathed, "one of my fans was wearing a shirt that said 'Miyashi forever' and she asked me if I was..." Her voice gave out and her face turned red. She felt strangely warm, and grabbed another spoonful of rice, then successfully put it into her mouth and ate it.
     Mukashi blinked at Miya. He knew exactly what she was going to ask; the tag 'Miyashi' had been floating around online, and he'd been monitoring its popularity ever since Director Sang-Ki had made him aware of its existence. Unfortunately, it had quickly become one of the more popular 'idol ships' relating to Miya. It was at least in the top ten. 
     He didn't need to hear her finish the question she was obviously asking.
     He could speak up and tell her that he understood.
     The tour bus remained silent as Miya thought about how to say the next thing she needed to. She wondered how he'd react.
     The two of them sat in the silence, and when the bus started moving again, neither of them spoke for a few minutes.
     "S-she asked... if... if we were... i-in a relationship. Together." She stammered out after she took another bite of her food. 
     Mukashi heard the words.
     He closed his eyes and thought about them for a moment.
     Miya looked at him quietly and waited for his response.
     The tour bus jostled slightly, and Miya held her food with both hands to keep it from spilling.
     "I'm sure you responded correctly." 
     Miya felt a pit begin to form in her stomach, but she couldn't tell if it was from confusion, disappointment, or dread.
     She swallowed, and even though there was nothing in her mouth or throat, it felt like she almost couldn't do that very simple act.
     "W-why would she ask... that?" She said finally. "W-we've... you... you're my manager. Our relationship is..." 
     Miya remembered how he'd refused to stay in her bedroom when she'd invited him, saying that he didn't need to. She remembered how upset she'd been. She thought about everything that had occurred between her and Mukashi over the last month, and despite what Annabelle and Gene had written to her, she felt frustration and irritation begin to gnaw at her.
     "Professional." She forced the words out, looking straight at him.
     He'd thought those words countless times.
     He'd muttered them to himself in the frozen recesses of his mind over and over again.
     That was why he'd only barely flinched when she said them out loud.
     Miya noticed him flinch.
     It was a tiny, almost imperceptible movement. For any other person, it wouldn't have been a meaningful sign. After all, the question she'd asked him was awkward; anyone normal would flinch, or laugh, or react in some way.
     Mukashi wasn't supposed to be normal.
     The tour bus kept moving, and the sound of Seoul's late-night streets around them provided something, anything else for Miya to think about other than what she thought she'd seen her manager do.
     She tried to convince herself it was a trick of the light; the interior of the tour bus wasn't well-lit. They were stopping at several lights. Traffic was unpredictable. There were a myriad of possible explanations for what she thought she'd seen.
     "Two weeks ago, I was made aware of the fact that a mole took photographs of the two of us while we were within Zygeist Media's offices. Whoever did this also misconstrued certain events within the past month and attempted to make it seem like we were in a romantic relationship together." His voice was calm. He sounded perfectly like himself. "Currently, the person behind the photographs is being sought out by Zygeist Media. Because of the rumors currently circulating online about our relationship, I've been directed to keep my public appearances with you to a minimum and to avoid potentially compromising situations."
     Miya did her best to keep calm as he kept talking.
     "This information was kept from you because it might make things more complicated than necessary." He said evenly. "When the issue is resolved, things will return to normal."
     Miya looked at Mukashi.
     She wanted to do the right thing.
     But as she thought about what Mukashi had just told her, and how he'd flinched, frustration and irritation kept gnawing. 
     Then she remembered how, up until the day she'd tried to end everything, he'd never been this strange with her. How that day, that lonesome day, had involved them touching each other more than they ever had before, and how she'd thought that maybe there had been something more between them. 
     She tried to force the bad feelings down. She tried to swallow them.
     She remembered what had happened to her the last few times she'd tried to swallow everything bad inside herself and keep it away. 
     She remembered how she'd dangled.
     Her eyes began to sting and she bent over.
     "Miya?" Mukashi's voice sounded as calm as ever. He stepped towards her deliberately.
     Her head began to pound. Her breathing quickened.
     She couldn't do that again.
     She remembered what Annabelle had written to her; she had someone to talk to, someone she could rely on; she wanted to be better; she'd been told to be better.
     The tour bus jostled more, and the food she'd been holding fell out of her grasp and landed on the floor of the bus with a sound like a slap.
     She couldn't do it. She couldn't be perfect, no matter who told her to do it.
     "The only one..." She muttered the words slowly; even as they came out, she knew that what she was saying was wrong; that it wouldn't help anything. But she couldn't stop. She wouldn't stop. She wanted to say this. "M-making things c-c-complicated..."
     Anger painted the walls of Miya's mind. She imagined shouting at her manager.
     Miya stood up, stamping her feet against the floor of the tour bus as she did so. Her bangs bounced and floated as she did so, and her head was angled upward towards his face. His brow furrowed. She shook with an emotion that she'd very rarely faced in her life. 
     Even as she experienced it, it felt like it was strangling the life out of her.
     She swatted her bangs out of the way, and Mukashi saw her amber eyes boring into his.
     "Is you!" Miya shouted.
     She fainted from the hatred.