Vanna

— First time I agree with you, Whiny McLoser. Keep pushing, don’t let Aunt Slappy wiggle out of this one! — Copy chimed in. — I mean, really. How dare you insult such a powerful man… Wonder if he’s married?

— Sweetheart, hush, please. — Evelyn winced, then shouted toward the door: — If you don’t get out of here this instant, I’m calling the cops and having your asses arrested! You’ve got till the count of three… two…

She didn’t need to finish the countdown. The banging ceased immediately, leaving nothing but silence. After a cautious pause, Evelyn rolled the shutter back up to find the crowd of contestants staring at her in stunned silence. The offenders, however, were nowhere to be seen—they were already pedaling away on bicycles, with one of them riding in the basket at the back.

— Auntie, we are so not done with this conversation… — Flora pouted.

— So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about back then? — Evelyn asked curiously, referring to the moment they had just watched on the footage.

The girl hesitated and looked away, shyly asking for her partner’s opinion on the candidate.

— Let’s put him in the - Possible Candidates - folder. And if we do pick him, we’ll make sure to come to every shoot fully armed… with blasters.

— I disagree. We should take him. That way we’ll get rid of the guilt we’re carrying… Evelyn cut her off:

— Would you stop apologizing to everyone already? Play the next video…

They didn’t agree on the second possible participant either—this time Flora objected, and here’s why...

A young girl trudged heavily into the garage space, clad in a full- body mascot costume of uncertain content: it looked like it could’ve been dough… or concrete… or…

— Sweetheart, why — if you don’t mind me being blunt — why on Earth did you decide to dress up as… poop? — Evelyn offered her usual tactful take.

To everyone’s surprise, unlike the previous candidate, the girl didn’t seem fazed at all. She calmly replied that yes, in a way that was the idea— because what she was wearing was water- dampened gluten. Or, to put it another way—pure evil incarnate.

Then she started gesturing enthusiastically, explaining that this gray, sticky substance eventually morphs into the accursed bread and baked goods that plague humanity. And those are just as dangerous to modern civilization as terrorism, climate change, hunger, and the impending zombie apocalypse.

— But… aren’t baked goods actually one of the best ways to fight hunger? — Evelyn murmured thoughtfully.

— Auntie, what is wrong with you?! Can’t you see this noble mission for what it is? — Flora shot back. — Please, take a seat, dear lady (I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name). You’re among friends here—we’re eco- friendly and gluten- free, so make yourself at home!

Taking up the offer, the rebel girl somehow managed to perch herself on the edge of the chair, wrestling with her bulky outfit, and passionately launched into her dream.

She wanted to use cinema to draw humanity’s attention to all the aforementioned problems and questions. Surely, she said, governments and ordinary people should finally start caring about health—after all, Health defines the length of your life, your satisfaction with it, the health of your future children, and then… she fainted, collapsing face- first onto the edge of the table.

A heavy sigh from Flora echoed through the entire audition center, making Evelyn nearly choke on a bite of her sesame bun, which she was miraculously managing to eat while still filming the contestant.

The girl was quickly revived, and her rebellious spirit immediately demanded satisfaction in the form of an apology from the camera operator—who had dared to bring his Gluten Babylon into what was supposed to be a safe, flour- prejudice- free space.

The culprit behind the actress’s sudden decline just shrugged guiltily and, as a peace offering, pulled out a second bun from her bag.

— Lady, you are absolutely unbearable! — Flora huffed and shut off the recording without even watching it to the end. — How can you behave like that in public?

— What did I do? What’s the big deal?! — the woman protested. — So we didn’t quite click with that cheesecake missy, but the next contestant was totally fine! Or wasn’t she? Go on, hit play!

There was a quiet knock on the garage door, even though it wasn’t locked. Flora immediately appreciated the courtesy and opened it, letting in an Asian girl with long hair tied in a ponytail and bold 80s- style makeup.

The next artist rolled in, riding a sleek modern motorized wheelchair. Pithecanthropuses would’ve called it a - handicap chair,- but as Flora thought back then—and still now—- We’ve surpassed those ancient folks both in tech and in cultural sensitivity, so this contestant is clearly arriving in a personal mobility vehicle for internal and external transit of unique individuals.

Despite her soft knocking, the girl instantly felt at ease in the space. She zipped up to the table, flashing a bright, friendly smile. Flora froze for a moment by the desk, but the contestant quickly reassured her:

— You don’t have to worry about the chair! I brought my own. — Then she burst into a sweet, clear laugh that immediately won everyone over.

Evelyn lifted one hand from the camera—not to sneak another bite this time, but to flash a thumbs- up:

— You’ve got a sense of humor, miss. I approve!

— How could I not? — Chirped the upbeat actress. — I try to give the world the best of me, and sometimes, the world surprises me right back—like this audition, for example. — She winked at Flora, who gave her a shy smile in return.

— That’s wonderful. I’m glad you’re in such a good place. May I ask your name?

— My name is Vanna. I was born in Cambodia but have lived in the U.S. since I was little—I’m a citizen of our shared country.

The ladies introduced themselves in turn, and the would- be director hurried to launch into her carefully prepared script for the first time today:

— Delighted to welcome you, Miss Vanna! Please excuse the formal tone—I'm quite inexperienced in matters of negotiation, so I might overdo the official lingo... and I tend to stumble a bit, too.

— Oh dear… — muttered Copy under her breath. — Who starts negotiations by announcing their incompetence and putting themselves in a weak position?

Thankfully, no one heard her. The actress, instead, grinned even wider and offered the director a hug:

— Don’t worry, Miss Flora. It’s my first casting too, so I’m thrilled I’m not the only newbie here. Let’s make history together!