Chapter 27:

The Tumbleweed Gambit

En Passant Grandmaster Volume 3

At the top of the mountain, Xiao Lin meditated atop a stone in the middle of a lake. She opened her eyes upon noticing Okisato standing before her out of breath.

"Oh? You're still here? I thought you'd have collapsed further down," Xiao Lin sneered.

"As if. Now do you ant to do some kung-fu?" Okisato huffed.

"Hasty, aren't you? But I'll oblige! Good riddance, Oni-tiger!" Xiao Lin gleefully shouted as she leaped into the air and prepared to unleash a powerful kick at Okisato.

Crunch!

Xiao Lin's face contorted in pain as Okisato smashed her ankle to bits with a single punch. The impact also sent her tumbling down the mountainside, into a bush.

As she screamed in pain and clutched her bleeding ankle, Okisato slowly slid down the hill towards her. "Well look at that. Seems you were overhyped. And looks like this area is considered outside the secret puzzle cafe's jurisdiction, meaning, it's time to pass judgement," Okisato glared as he held out his DESPER key and activated it.

Xiao Lin's eyes bulged as her DESPER activated, and she found herself and Okisato warped back up to the center island in the pond.

"Guess the DESPER decided it would be fairer to have us play here. Anyway, I win, "And if I win, I'll be warped to London England after being given the spoils for beating you. And as for you, the ankle injury you received from me will be permanent, though healed to the point where you'll at least be able to walk with assistance from a cane. You'll also get a tattoo of my choosing inked on the back of your head. Not to mention, you'll be required to go to WWCF HQ and have your DESPER sealed there."

"What!?"

"Apparently a method for sealing DESPERs has been discovered, but it only works if the DESPER holder fully consents to it, which I'll be making you do following your loss. Oh, and to add one more punishment for when you lose, you'll never be allowed to issue kung-fu style chess boxing challenges for your maestro exam. Naturally, your punishment will be irreversible."

Xiao Lin glared as the board appeared. "In that case, we'll do blitz time. I don't want to see you anymore. And when I win, I'll be fully healed from the injuries you gave me, and you'll be the one drowning in the Marianas Trench, or wherever the hell you sent Red Reaper to," she snarled as she regained her composure.

Okisato nodded and opened the game by moving his pawn to e4 while Xiao Lin moved her pawn to e5. He followed up by moving his pawn to f4, which Xiao Lin graciously took with her e-pawn.

"So you accepted the King's Gambit. In that case, you're going on a trip to the wild west," Okisato maniacally grinned as he slammed his king down on f2.

The move elicited a laugh from Xiao Lin. "The King's Gambit Accepted: Tumbleweed Variation!? What a joke. You had a solid opening, but now it's all gone."

"I beat Michiko with King David's Opening."

"But I'm not Michiko, I'm a bona fide maestro. Check," Xiao Lin sneered as she moved her queen to h4.

"And I humiliate trash like you for breakfast," Okisato glared as he moved his king to e2.

"ME trash!? Bullshit," Xiao Lin scoffed as she moved her queen to e7.

"But you did decide to sell out Maestro Himitsu for your own selfish whims," Okisato countered as he moved his knight to f3.

"Michiko brainwashed me. That's why I'm all bald and ugly for the rest of my days," Xiao Lin fake-cried as she captured the pawn at e4 with her queen.

"Please, Maestro Himitsu told me you've hated her long before DESPERs were a thing, and shaving your head and brows for just as long," Okisato scoffed as he moved his king to f2.

"That fucking whore. I'm going to-"

"Ah, actually, she never told me that. But given how smooth your head is, it's clear as day you haven't had hair in years."

Xiao Lin gritted her teeth in fury. "Little shit. I see how you work. No wonder the league wants you gone so badly. Yes, in the name of martial arts, I shaved my head and eyebrows years ago and have never had them since. Now tell me, boy. Why do you have such knowledge on baldness? Hmm, a thing for bald women, perhaps?" she sneered as she moved her knight to f6.

Okisato simply scowled in silence as he went on the attack by moving his knight to c3, forcing Xiao Lin to move her queen to e6. He then moved his pawn to d4, prompting Xiao Lin to move her bishop to d6. However, Okisato hadn't yet given up on capturing the queen and moved his knight to g5. Xiao Lin sighed and simply moved her queen to f5, forcing Okisato to protect his knight by moving his pawn to h4.

"I get boys like chasing girls, but you should know that if you try to chase after a dangerous woman like me, you get stung," Xiao Lin sneered as she moved her knight to g4.

"Uh, why would I want to flirt with a hag like you? Just because a girl's bald, doesn't mean I'm automatically into them," Okisato scoffed as he moved his king to g1.

"Boy, I am but 50 years young. My baldness also makes me look younger too, as the oil I've been applying to my head and face glows it up and makes it look 30 years more youthful than usual. Or perhaps you were too stupid to realize I was alluding to the lovely lady on the board rather than the one playing you?" Xiao Lin scowled as she moved her knight to e3.

"Well, I guess I was hoping you'd snap and mess up," Okisato shrugged as he captured the knight at e3 with his bishop.

"Sorry to disappoint, but I won't be losing my composure anymore today. You did rattle me with that punch, but now I've calmed down due to you being overly arrogant and forcing a DESPER match. Now I can heal up, and eliminate you at once. Why wouldn't I compose my mind for such a task?" Xiao Lin scoffed as she captured the bishop at e3 with her f-pawn.

"We'll see about that," Okisato thought as he moved his rook to h3.

Xiao Lin immediately castled king's side, prompting Okisato to renew his attack on the queen and move his bishop to d3. However, Xiao Lin simply moved her queen to f2, forcing Okisato to move his king to h1. But then, Xiao Lin made a massive blunder and moved her rook to e8. Okisato's face was a lit with a malicious grin as he slid his queen to h5, forcing Xiao Lin to move her pawn to h6.

"And now, I've caught you," Okisato thought as he moved his rook to f3, completely trapping Xiao Lin's queen.

It was at that moment that Xiao Lin lost her composure and her face began to contort in rage. "You... YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" she shouted as she captured the rook at f3 with her queen.

"Huh? Why ya shouting so loud? Thought you said you wouldn't lose your composure. Ah, now that I think about it, didn't you just roll down the mountain like a tumbleweed just a bit ago? How fitting you're going to lose to a Tumbleweed Variation!" Okisato taunted as he captured the queen at f3 with his g-pawn.

Now as long as Okisato didn't mess up, mate was inevitable. The only question was how many moves it would take.

"No, no, NO! I can't lose to a Tumbleweed Variation of all things! That would be humiliation! He needs to mess up!" Xiao Lin frantically thought as she moved her rook to f8.

"For someone that wants me to mess up so badly, you're sure doing a good job of messing up yourself," Okisato snickered as he moved his knight to d5.

"WILL YOU SHUT UP!?" Xiao Lin shouted as she slammed her knight down on a6.

"Oops, you messed up again. Want a check?" Okisato smirked as he moved his knight to f6.

"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP YOU PIECE OF SHIT! HOW DARE YOU PLAY A TUMBLEWEED VARIATION!" Xiao Lin shouted as she captured the knight at f6 with her g-pawn.

"Hey, you're the one that ultimately blundered away the game in under 25 moves. Talk about low quality. No wonder you're the weakest maestro of them all," Okisato taunted as he captured the pawn at h6 with his queen.

That line sent newfound rage coursing through Xiao Lin's body. "Me... Weak!? I'M THE STRONGEST WOMAN IN MIND AND BODY! NONE CAN MATCH MY PHYSICAL NOR INTELLECTUAL MIGHT!"

"You, the strongest woman in mind and body? Bullshit. First off, Maestro Himitsu is far-"

"DON'T YOU DARE MENTION THAT BITCH! SHE CHEATED ME! I'M THE STRONGEST!" Xiao Lin shouted as she slammed her rook down on d8.

"Alright, let's say you ARE the strongest. What will that make you once you lose to my Tumbleweed Variation?" Okisato snickered as he moved his bishop to h7.

Xiao Lin trembled as she stared at the board. There was only one move she could make, and it would allow for a humiliating 23-move checkmate. Not only that, the DESPER would then ensure she'd never be able to do kung-fu properly ever again, and be subjected to an additional humiliating makeover. She didn't want to move the piece, but because there was only one legal move she could make, the DESPER ended up forcing her to move her king to h8.

"I'll make sure the game log for this game is inked on the back of your head. Checkmate, ba-ka," Okisato taunted as he captured the pawn at f7 with his knight, winning the game.

The full game:

White: Okisato Tanabe (2600) Black: Maestro Xiao Lin (3020)

1. e4 e5

2. f4 exf4

3. Kf2 Qh4+

4. Ke2 Qe7

5. Nf3 Qxe4+

6. Kf2 Nf6

7. Nc3 Qe6

8. d4 Bd6

9. Ng5 Qf5

10. h4 Ng4+