Vol.3 Ch.53 - To trust or not to trust

After running away from my own party, I made my way through the countlessmaze-like turns and twists of the dungeon before collapsing on the floor, be itfrom fatigue or just the adrenaline wearing off. I managed to shake them offfor now, but they’re probably gonna find me soon enough. I can’t let thathappen.Once again, I am put in a situation where I am alone, helpless and anxious.This is where dread seems to always make it’s way to my heart, and I haveabsolutely no idea what to do to quell it. This journey has been so much fun,but everything seemed to go to shit when that Damned Organizationdispatched me on this commission! Assholes.Every day I would awake to see Cecily’s and Nelly’s sweet, sleeping faces. Iwould smile as I got dressed and ready to eat. The dining hall was filled withfriends, colleagues and… family. Each day I would sit down with a differentperson in order to adequately meet every single one of my gang members.Their faces would always light up as we talked about all sorts of mundanetopics. Always.Breakfast was and will always be my favorite designated eating time. Itcomes right after waking up, so your topics will almost always be about thedreams you’ve experienced that night, and if not, then you can always talkabout what happened yesterday. It’s what I think, at least.Even still, all good things must come to an end, as I would soon be off to theGenerals’ office to review what we had to do for the day. Be it making ourrounds around the Base to add in new items or patch up the old ones, I wouldalways be praised by Aaron and the other Vice-Generals for nevercomplaining about the work. Sometimes I’d have to listen to Max’s rantsabout going on strike and stuff, but these rants did prove useful in showingme what a bad example of a leader was (heh).One time, I remember vividly visiting this old worn-down shed and was toldby the Generals that we were to tear it down. I’m not sure why, but I sawpotential in that shed, I thought You can’t give up just yet! and promptly fixedit up. Passing gang members would look at me as if I was making a fool ofmyself and Cecily made fun of me without reserve, but I didn’t care. I hadonly one thing on my mind at the time, and that was fixing this shed. The shedwas progressing really well, but I got sent to Sibirus before I could finish it.As it stands, the project is incomplete.One other time I remember Ed trying to set up a local hospital in Melgam, asthe nearest one was out of town weirdly enough. I offered to help as much asI could, but he was apprehensive about me funding the project. He saidsomething about making it his own, which is understandable. Wait, if he leftfor Trivis Numerica, does that mean he abandoned this dream of his? Isgiving up truly the best option?Now that I think about it, didn’t this feeling of uneasiness only show up afterEd had left? Some friend he is, I thought we’d travel the world together, buthe hopped on a travel wagon leading back home the very first chance he got.Seems everyone around me just doesn’t understand my goals…But… if I gave it another shot, could I start anew with these very samepeople who abandoned an old shed like me? No, that’s just naïve! Beingcomplacent and giving in would just lead to me ending up like my parents.My parents…How are my parents doing? Well, dad’s probably still hard at workingkeeping the family butchering business afloat. Now that I’m gone I imaginehe’s got his work cut out for him, since he has to find a new apprentice.Serves him right for always lowering his head to society, let’s have himsweat it out for once. Goes to show just what’ll happen if you become aslave to society…And mom? Well, it has been 3 years since I left home, so I imagine sheprobably got over my absence and is doing just fine. No, I’m sure she missesme just as much as I miss them. We’re family after all, why wouldn’t shemiss me? Well, I was always a lousy son, so who knows?Where was I? Oh, right: this damned trip to Sibirus. To be honest, I didn’treally get a good chance to express my thoughts and opinions on the matter,so here I go. Of course, I just wanted to get it over with, rip it off quick like abandaid and all that, but I can’t deny a huge part of me was excited for it. Imean, who wouldn’t be? I’m travelling to a new continent, after all! I didn’tplan on visiting this place until way later, so I considered this an easy way ofchecking this place off. But things weren’t that simple, I guess, as the peopleaccompanying me are unbearable, and I’m pretty sure they’ve gone crazy.At first, I considered the party members to be a quirky bunch, but I didn’tonce deny the fact that they were good in heart. I gave them the benefit of thedoubt, and this is how they repay me? They never once gave me the light ofday, and I basically had to force my way into the group, and for what? Just toget told I’m the crazy one, despite simply making the right calls? I’m gonnakill them the next time I see them.Speaking of this temple, I’ve been wondering who this Shaid guy is exactly.What was the purpose of him making this dungeon? Was it created with thesole purpose of killing curious adventurers who stumbled upon it? Or... couldthis place be his shed? Maybe he was also a traveler or adventurer whosimply found an abandoned temple and decided to refurbish it all those yearsago, but it reverted to this sorry state after years of being left unattended.Who knows?Well, one thing’s for sure: this guy’s a total weirdo. I mean did you see hisbook collection? I don’t think I’ve seen anything remotely close to such trashtaste. The only thing I got from the stories he read was that the protagonistwould most always have a clear-cut goal, which he would eventuallyaccomplish. But that’s not really realistic, is it? I mean, I want to travel theworld, but I’m not sure why. It’s not because of any particular reason, it’ssimply just what I want to do because my Iro dictates it. Iros…Iros are getting pretty complex, aren’t they? Just a couple years ago theywere nothing more than indicators of what a person’s ideology is, butrecently there have been all sorts of new discoveries on the topic. I’ve seenfirsthand just how much power an Iro can hold, but I wonder what else wedon’t know about them? The previous generations didn’t even know youcould swap between Iros if given enough mental power to do so. Those oldidiots don’t know nothing…I’ve been thinking, but what’ll I do after I visit every place in the world?How old will I be? Will all these people who are currently in my life still bethere to support me? The Book did mention me having marital issues, so Iguess not… No, wait! I can’t trust that Book! It’s evil! But then, who do Itrust?...I can’t trust the ITA that gave me a warm smile as they had me sign countlesscontracts. I can’t trust my fellow gang members who made fun of me behindmy back simply for wanting to build a better environment. I can’t trust Edbecause he just left me to fend for myself. I can’t trust my parents to notforget about me, nor can I trust my party members because they constantlywant me to bend to their wills. This leaves only me. I can only trust myself,or can I?I can’t. I can’t even trust myself anymore. I seem to always be different, nomatter how much I try to ignore it. The reason I’m travelling the world isbecause I just want to find a place where I’ll be safe. A place where no onewill ostracize me for being… me. But, am I the crazy one? No matter what Ido, it seems like the people around me always disagree with my actions.What do I do? What can I do?“Oh, there you are.” An old voice peeks out from behind the corner.“Ah, Linus, you finally found me?” I answered back.“Aye,” he said, “you ran quite a way’s away. The others didn’t think you hadit in ya’, but I know just how capable you are, so I decided to search a bitfarther just in case.”“Thanks for believing in me, heh…” I chuckled to myself, “So what now?I’m doing it with Miss Dola?”“See, that’s the thing,” Linus quietly said, “When the Book mentioned a manwith a grim heart, it wasn’t talking about you.”Come again?“It was actually talking about Sullivan. We all know just how much of an asshe can be, heheh…” He joked, expecting me to laugh with him.“You’re fucking kidding me.” I got up from my sitting position to oppose him,“I got traumatized and left to die in this freezing cold, just for you to sayWhoopsie, we made a mistake?”“Yeah, basically.” He answered back truthfully, “But hey, at least you got tosave yourself for that future wife of yours.”… I- I just… Sigh, fair enough. I give up, let’s just head into the next floor.I was quickly given my clothes back as the party regrouped once more.Sullivan and Miss Lionheart looked quite pleased, sitting there with redfaces and unbuttoned shirt collars, only to tell us how they found a hiddenlever while fooling around. I couldn’t believe what I had heard, to think theseguys were actually professional adventurers, and they’re saying they justhappened to stumble upon the lever to the next floor? Despicable.Like I said, though: I don’t care. Let’s consider this a blessing from the Bookand just head on through to the next floor. Looks like we can’t escape theBook’s predictions, so it’s best to just accept it…