6.0 The Bodhisattva of Mercy Touches Down Part 1

When Itsumise came on at 1:30 am Thursday night (or, Friday morning), Junna was already crouched and ready to bolt out the door when the location was decided. They still had to sit through the intro, though. The episode opened with the normal theme song and the revving of engines.

“HELLO, MY CRAZY NIGHT WALKERS!” Ryuuzaki shouted over the sound of the engines. He was sitting on his own tricked out motorcycle, which was spewing exhaust in Minami’s face. She coughed a few times, but continued the intro.

“It’s great to see everyone! I’m Nanami Minami, your favorite idol!”

“AND I’M RYUUZAKI KENGO, YOUR BELOVED HOST!”

“And this is—”

“ITSUMADEMO MIDNIGHT SESSION!”

Suddenly, the music cut off and the harsh lighting softened. Minami raised one leg and kicked Ryuuzaki’s motorcycle as hard as she could, multiple times, until it fell over.

“WOULD YOU TURN THAT DAMN THING OFF AND PARK IT—”

A loud BEEEEEEP accompanied by a title card with a picture of a tiny Minami and Ryuuzaki bowing flashed across the screen, and when it disappeared, Ryuuzaki was sulking and the motorcycle was gone, though the sound of revving engines continued to echo from outside the studio. Minami brushed off her dress and brought her mic up again.

“Welcome back! Tonight, we bring you the new challenge, Bōsōzoku: CRAZY NIGHT RIDERS!”

“Can I at least bring the bike back in—”

“You cannot bring the bike back into the studio.”

“Aw… well, let’s move on. We gotta let the viewers in on the rules of this challenge!”

“Sure thing, Ryuuzaki-san! Please tell us more about CRAZY NIGHT RIDERS!”

Junna stared them down through the glass, sending all the worst vibes they could. Damn these shikigami and their need to hype everything up like it was the Olympics. Why couldn’t they just get on with it? It was called Bōsōzoku CRAZY NIGHT RIDERS; obviously it involved the infamous biker gangs.

However, right as Ryuuzaki opened his mouth, the video cut to static, and then was replaced by peaceful footage of boats out at sea under a beautiful sunset. The white text over the image said “we apologize, we are currently experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by.”

“What… the hell?” Junna’s mouth dropped open. This was even more severe than the cut to prevent Minami’s rage from being unleashed on screen. Their phone buzzed, probably with messages from their group chat asking each other what was going on as if someone was actually going to know. They stared blankly for about twenty seconds before Itsumise started running again, but with quieter music and a more frazzled-looking pair of hosts.

“S-sorry about that, my crazy night walkers, there was uh… we had some technical difficulties!” Ryuuzaki’s eyes were wide and visible over his sunglasses, shifting back and forth like he expected someone to bust down a studio wall any second.

“An unwanted guest appeared a little too close to the studio and interrupted our airwaves!” Minami was practically shaking. “But no worries! It looks like they might’ve been just lost, they didn’t drop by. The show goes on!”

Unwanted guest…? Who the hell would that have been? Was it another exorcist? Some kind of powerful spirit? Junna wished they knew what had put the fear into the hosts of Itsumise. Maybe whatever it was would help them out this episode.

“Yeah, yeah, the show goes on! So like always, if you can survive getting chased down by our gang of ghosts and ghouls, you win! If you can get to the studio without dying, you win even bigger!”

“You win an exciting and honorable death!” Minami added, as if she were cornered and trying to make a threat. Ryuuzaki hadn’t quite regained his stage presence, either.

“But watch out! Our contestants will be walking, but the challenge will be riding!”

“Vroom vroom!” Minami said, adding a stilted seagull laugh. “They’re a biiiiiker gang! A real bunch of delinquents!”

“Watch out for these boys, everyone! They’re not gonna make things easy! This gang has some serious skills. We’re not giving away their trade secrets here. You saw the videos, right Minami-chan?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, totally! Even any unwanted guests lurking around town should be scared!”

“Absolutely! They’re gonna be roadkill!”

“Yeah! YEAH! That’s right! Roadkill!” The pair laughed in uneasy unison, both of them with faraway stares until Minami cleared her throat and squawked. “SO! Let’s see who our contestants are!”

“Finally!” Junna raked their fingers through their hair, pulling it back from their face. “Do you two ever shut up?!”

Instead of throwing knives at a spinning wheel, Ryuuzaki stretched his arms offscreen and yanked back one of the hexagonal boxes used in Shinto shrines to choose numbers for fortune telling. Benihime Inari Shrine didn’t have one as Nana kept the fortune slips directly in a box to draw from using her own divination powers, but Doikawa Shrine had a similar item as a larger shrine with more members of various skill levels. Ryuuzaki shook the case until a stick popped out and Minami plucked it from the box.

“Oh, guess what number!”

“What is it, Minami-chan?”

“FOUR!” The screen turned black and white as Minami held the number up to the camera, the character for ‘death’ written in red.

“That pun is so old! Yeah, the words ‘death’ and ‘four’ sound the same! Shut up! What does that even mean!? Augh!” Junna almost hurled the remote at their TV. “Unlucky four? Are you kidding me!? You hacks!”

“O ho ho… what does that mean?” Ryuuzaki asked. The color returned to the screen.

“Oh, uh… I need to get the fortune from the box, hang on…” The camera followed her as she walked off stage to a set of drawers, each with a number. It was exactly like what Doikawa Shrine (and so many other shrines) had. There really was something tasteless about using omikuji on a haunted TV show. Drawing a number as inauspicious as four made the whole thing even more tacky. After counting and scanning the drawers, Minami finally found the number she was looking for and pulled a thin sheet of paper out of the proper drawer. She shook it out and took a look.

“What’s our fortune?” Ryuuzaki asked. “Is it kyou? Or even worse, daikyou?”

“... what the hell? It’s kichi!”

“Eh? Like, a regular blessing? Not the unfortunate kyou?”

“Um, duh? Do you think I can’t read?” Minami’s voice went up an octave. She ripped up the paper. “Forget it! Tonight is the hosts’ choice! The contestants will be anyone in the chosen location who has seen more than six ghosts in their lifetime!”

“Then for location, I pick—” Before Ryuuzaki could choose, the kanji Ueno, Taito Ward popped up on screen in red with the sound of a bell tolling. “Looks like the producer says Ueno! And I’m sure the ghost sighting qualification still stands.”

“That’s not far.” Junna was already slipping on their sandals. They left the apartment without locking up or even turning on the TV, only glancing at their LINE messages briefly. “Okay, looks like Doikawa’s got people on it, Nana and Kei will come in from their side. We can do this.”

Time to give Itsumise some real contestants.